Love Story, Part 5

Over Christmas break I was a mess. I kept whining that I missed my friends, and specifically that one guy... My mom, being the great lady she is, listened to my whining and allowed me to talk it out. Eventually I cheered up and was ready for the holidays.
When the break was over, I was BEYOND ready to go back to school. But now I had a problem, I had no money for my housing. I had used loans to pay for my first semester, and I had no more money....I was completely broke. I talked with my mom, who actually encouraged me to stay home for the semester and ride the bus. I did NOT want to commute, EVER again. I also knew that if I stayed home, I would miss out on a lot of the fun activities that come with being a typical college student. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt compelled to stay in the dorms especially FOR that semester, I cried when I thought about NOT being there. I knew, beyond any doubt, that I HAD to be at school at THAT time. I thought it might have to do with me meeting my future husband, but I had gotten past some of those crazy notions of destiny and "meant to be." All I knew was that I HAD to live at ISU.
My mom took me back to school, hopeful that she could help pay for my housing, but soon found out that it wasn't the case, they didn't take credit cards, only cash. She left me at school, thinking that she'd have to come back before the end of the semester and take me home.
When I met up with my friends after Christmas, it was like we hadn't even been separated. We all picked right back up where we'd left off. Life was fun again.
The guy I was currently crushing on continued to be my good friend, but he also was a little more free around me this time. I thought for SURE that something had changed in his attitude and that he'd finally come around to liking me the way that I liked him.
I continued to hope for HIS change of heart, when another friend got to the heart of his problem...he just didn't see me as more than a friend. I was devastated. She tried to help comfort me, but I was beyond comfort.
Around this same time, we were having Spring Break. My friends and I had planned to go from one person's house to another during break, we were going to have fun, and just be free. I was still trying to sort out my feelings for this other guy, and two of my best friends on the trip were also emotional about the guys THEY liked. We soon decided that we were going to have a "geek-free week." In other words, no one was going to talk about or THINK about these geeks. Period. It felt fabulous to just focus on my friends and our fun times. While talking with my friends during this Spring Break, I decided that instead of ALWAYS focusing on my crushes and FINDING that man that I was to marry, I would focus on ME. I decided that after break was over, I was going to talk to the bishop and see what I needed to do to prepare to go on a mission the next year.
Once I made the decision to prepare to be a missionary, life felt easier. I didn't worry that I wasn't loved by a guy. I didn't think too much about my guy friend's wishy-washiness. I was going to focus on my life, and preparing to be THE best missionary.
When we came back from break, I became involved in our Institute choir's production of "Greater Than Us All." Our choir would be part of the heavenly choir backing up the soloists, and we would participate in this musical. I was excited. I have always loved Kenneth Cope's music, and when I HEARD he might come, I was even MORE excited.
I continued to work on being the best me I could be, and even started making good habits.
One night, at choir practice, I was joking with my friend (the guy who I'd previously been crushing on...) and I happened to turn around to talk with him. He was sitting next to this guy. It was weird, but I felt like I knew this guy from somewhere else, but we'd never met before. He was tall with light brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. He made a joke, and I just laughed. I turned back around to practice our music and for some reason I thought, "This is the man you have been waiting for....HE is your soul-mate."

Love Story, Part 4

Fall 1998:
I signed up to live in the dorms. I didn't know anyone who would be living there too, but I wanted to live the full experience. I got my assignment and was relieved that I was given my second choice of housing options.
I moved in as soon as I could. After my mom left, I was somber. It suddenly hit me that I was on my own. I was in a place that I didn't know many people, and I was BY MYSELF. My roommate hadn't arrived yet, and so I spent a lot of time in my room crying. I was SO homesick, it was ridiculous.
I took a walk around my floor and was shocked to find that a high school friend was there too. She and I reconnected, and I instantly had a friend.
That first semester, I talked a LOT about Cody, and how I missed him. Looking back, I realize that I just missed the companionship that he had provided. My friends were getting sick of hearing about him.
And yes, I eventually got over my homesickness and made many friends. I was out-going, and happy. I did the things I wanted to do, and learned that I am a very happy person.
A few weeks into the school year, I got a large bouquet of flowers. When I saw them, I was thrilled. I wondered who would send me something so pretty. I hoped that it was a guy in my ward, but soon found it was from Cody. He asked me in the note if I would like to be his girlfriend. That note gave me a lump in my throat. I knew it was time to cut ties with Cody, because I was on the edge of something new and exciting. Several options were opened to me, and I knew that being tied to Cody would hinder those. I didn't know how to do it either. For the whole summer, our "relationship" had been kind and almost TOO polite (if that's possible.) Later that week, Cody came to visit me, he couldn't have come on a worse day. I was writhing in pain, having a gall bladder attack. I literally spent the day on my bed rolling from side to side, trying to find relief. He sat on my desk chair and just watched me the whole day. One of my friends sat with me, worried about my pain, and she helped me out. Eventually, she left for her own classes, and I was alone with Cody, he awkwardly asked me about the flowers. I told him that they were gorgeous, but that I didn't feel comfortable being his girlfriend at that time.
I don't think I was blunt enough. I should have said, "Not now, maybe not ever." (I know, mean huh?)
Eventually, he heard about how I'd come to town, for a VERY quick trip, and I hadn't gotten ahold of him, so he stopped pursuing me.
I had another guy on my mind that semester...an older guy in the ward, who was funny, and nice. I thought the sun rose and set in his eyes. He was very handsome, and I was smitten. I tried to be his friend, which actually worked, only that's ALL I ever was with him. JUST friends. I watched him pine for another girl, and I tried to support him and be *that* friend, but it was SO hard.
He soon became all I talked about, and again, my lovely friends put up with my talk.
Soon enough, it was Christmas break, and I was dreading going home, away from the life I had started. But I went home anyway, hoping that when I came back things would change.

Love Story, Part 3

Summer 1998:
I worked, a lot, and tried not to be depressed about my situation. I found that I was enjoying hanging out with the young single adults in my stake. We took a day trip to a local reservoir and I bonded with a few people.
At one of the activities, a friend of mine told me that she REALLY wanted to set me up on a date with her boyfriend's friend. She told me that he was tall, blond, that he was going to be going to ISU and he wanted to be a PE teacher. I was nervous to meet him, but very excited at the same time.
One evening, Sandy (my friend) called me to say that the guy, Cody, wanted to do something that night, and would I be interested.
ARE YOU KIDDING!? A bored college co-ed with nothing to do? COME ON!
That evening I met Cody, and he was NOTHING like I had expected. He was an over-weight short guy with a high-pitched voice. He seemed nice, but he wasn't what I had imagined at all.
We went for a walk that night, and despite keeping my hands available, Cody wouldn't hold my hand. I was giving off lots of hints that I was willing to hold his hand, but he just did NOT get any of the clues.
I found that Cody was a nice guy, not one I was completely comfortable with, but a nice guy. I wondered if I would be happy with him. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to at least date him.
I could go on about my dating experience with Cody, but I will summarize it this way: he was someone who kept me busy when I had nothing better to do. I thought it was love, I really did, but I knew that I would never be happy with him. I wanted him to be happy, and I knew that would not be with me.

Love Story, Part 2

After high school I signed up for college where I had HIGH hopes of snagging a husband. Unfortunately, that's not what happened.
I also worked at Kmart and had crushes on a few of the employees. One was TOTALLY wrong for me, in every single way. (He didn't fit ANY of my previously thought out requirements for a husband.) He was cute, older and flirted with a lonely girl, working the food counter. I would fantasise about him sweeping me off of my feet, and being my prince charming. I knew that it was a long shot, but I still dreamed.
Then there was another guy. Sweet guy, but not QUITE fitting the attributes on my list. I knew that he was a member of the church, and that he was a good guy. I would stalk his check-out lane several times a day. I knew my behavior was creepy, but this was a decent man...I KNEW that we were destined (again, with that word...)
I eventually dragged a friend of mine to the store to meet my current crush, and even though I was enamored with him, I couldn't ask him out. Finally, sick of waiting for me to open my mouth, she asked him out FOR me. I thought nothing of it. The three of us would hang out, and it was fun.
Life continued on. I took classes at Ricks, and instead of living in town, I commuted. THIS was the WORST experience of my life. I literally lived out of the back-seat of my '71 Pontiac Bonneville. I tried to do all the college-type things that my friends were doing, but I just wasn't feeling involved in school.
I remembered hearing from some members of my ward that they'd met their future spouses in "Dating and Marriage Prep" and I felt that was the path for me too. I signed up for the class and hoped for the best. On the first day of class I was shocked. There were 30 women, and only 4 men. I still held out hope that my soul-mate was there.
I do NOT regret taking that class. It was the hardest class I have EVER had. (I know, you don't think that "dating and marriage prep" would be difficult, but you would be wrong.) The first day of class our teacher told us, "Most of you in this class will NEVER get married. You need to accept this fact."
It was like a slap upside the head. I had NEVER thought that marriage would pass me by. I always knew, deep down in my heart, that I would marry, have kids and live the dream. This statement was something that just threw me for a loop.
After accepting that I may never be married, I started to re-evaluate my life. I learned a LOT about myself that single semester. I learned that I can be a strong woman and rely on my own merits. I learned that you don't NEED another person to validate your existence. I am the only person in charge of my life, and I needed to like me, because I was going to spend a LOT of time with myself.
Around this time, my friend, who had asked my crush out, started DATING my crush. Needless to say, I was devastated. She KNEW my feelings and yet, she was ignoring them. I was hurt beyond belief. This only helped me throw myself further into discovering who Dawnyel really was.
By the end of that semester at Ricks I'd learned several life lessons that have since stayed with me. First lesson, I needed to like me. Second lesson, I was NOT enjoying life at Ricks College, and I needed a change. Third lesson, You can't always trust your friends.
I was ready for a bigger change. I took a semester off of school, and then I applied for school at Idaho State University. This time I would LIVE in town and I would take full advantage of the college life.

Once Upon A Time....

(The following story is my love story, be aware that this is very personal, but something I wish for my children to know about their parents when they get older, and I'm senile.)

Part 1

All through high school I dreamed of having a boyfriend who would love and adore me. I went on a few dates, but nothing terribly serious. I mostly went out with my buddies, because I knew I would have fun with them instead of being all nervous with a guy I really wanted to impress. Thanks to those experiences I learned what kind of a man I wanted to marry: a worthy priesthood holder, a man who could sing, someone I felt comfortable with, and someone who was my friend.

I continued to dream about my Romeo, and even thought maybe I already knew the man I was destined to be with. (Yes, I truly believed in destiny....don't know if I completely agree with that notion now...)

In my mind, falling in love would be the end all of my existence. After that, life would be simple. I wouldn't have any worries. (Go ahead and laugh.....I'll wait.)

As a senior in high school, I was coming to the end of the perfect high school experience. (Or what I thought was perfect.) I was in a fabulous group of friends and we were all very supportive of one another, and it was great. We were mostly girls, with a few guys coming and going...mostly going.

This particular year we had one guy that stuck around. His name was Aaron. He was a very VERY spiritual and OH, so cute. Every girl in my circle of friends at one time or another had a crush on him. Toward the end of the year, he and another of my friends became close and eventually became engaged.

I was in shock. I remember asking them if they were happy that they had found their soul mate, and how it felt to know that life would be easier.

They both laughed at me.

It was then that I began re-evaluating my ideas about love and romance.

I Couldn't Ask For Anything More

Today was my birthday. I had SUCH a great day. I went to church, where we had ward conference. The Spirit was SO strong, I truly enjoyed every minute.

I also had many friends come up and wish me a happy birthday, and comment on my funky blouse and new haircut. Oh, yeah, I never mentioned that hair cut here, did I? Don't worry, I'll post a picture soon enough...

Then at home, I had Cameron help me make a cake, then I sat on my spot on the couch and napped. (SO heavenly!) Steve gave me a book that I KNOW I will enjoy and helped remind me of what an amazing woman I am.

Then we went to my parents' house where I didn't have to make dinner or a cake. It was all done for me. The candles on my cake this year were my favorite yet....quivering fingers. (*giggle*)

Then I watched Avatar again, and didn't get sick. (When Steve and I saw it in the theaters, we saw it in 3D, and it made me nauseous.) Then we came home and Jake gave me several kisses, always ending in that noisy "MWAH" noise!

The day was beautiful, and I even enjoyed the small rainstorm that blew through.

When Steve told Jake to wish me a happy birthday, Jake said, "No, Jacob's birthday!" The kid's already got the idea!

Now for the haircut, my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I mentioned that I enjoyed going with her to get our haircut, so she paid for me to get an all new hair do. I haven't had my hair THIS short in YEARS and YEARS, but I SO love it! So cute and SO fun!

Before:

After:

Then my mom took me out shopping yesterday to replenish my wardrobe, I got some SUPER cute things, and I can't wait to wear them all!

Spending yesterday with mom was SO fun. She and my dad also took me out to dinner (mmmmm....espenaca chimichunga....SO good!) Then for fun, we went on a drive to see a campsite that we might want to go camping at this summer, but the road was snowed out. So we turned around. On the way out, we stopped near a herd of cattle so Jake could see them. (On the way there, when asked what sound a cow made, he said, "Meow." My dad decided he needed to be educated...) He couldn't STOP talking about how "g'ampa" took him and Cameron to see the "t'ows" and "ho'sies." Oh, and "t'ows" now say, "Moo...." but it's still pretty high-pitched!

It has been SUCH a great birthday, and I wasn't even anxious about the number this year. I guess those zero-years really throw ya' sometimes. :) Here's to getting closer to 40 (as my younger, 28-year-old brother keeps telling me.)

Smart Boy

Sometimes I think that Jake is too smart for his own good.

Like the other day, we were eating breakfast for dinner. Jake was just picking at his dinner (like he normally does) and I tried to encourage him to eat more. I said, "Jake, eat your breakfast!"

The little kid looked at his plate, then he looked around and asked, "Where's breakfast!?"

Out of sight, out of mind? Nope, just a smartie who knows deniablity is his best option.

By the way....if anyone has any helpful hints on getting a rebellious 2 year old to eat dinner WHEN it's dinner time and not snacking later on, I am up for hints. The kid thinks that he can just pick at his food, throw the plate, food, fork, and cup when he's "finished" and then eat whatever he wants after the fact. I'm SO done with that, and had to enforce "if-you-don't-eat-your-dinner-at-dinner-time-then-treats-are-NOT-an-option-for-you."

He also knows when I tell him something.

He was bouncing a basketball off of the neighbor's wall. It was bothering ME, so I figured it might bother the neighbor. I told him to stop. He laughed at me and continued doing it. I then said, "Jacob! IF you don't stop bouncing the ball it will go bye-bye." He tried again and he lost the ball.

I'm fairly certain that first thing in the morning he'll walk to where I put the ball and ask for it.

He knows that Cameron has scouts, and asks when "Jacob have scouts?"

Tonight during the flag ceremony at pack meeting at the request for "hand salute," my sweet Jake put his hand up above his eye. (It was more of him pointing to his eyebrow than a salute, but it was still SUPER cute!)

Personal?? We'll See...

I know I haven't been keeping a very personal blog lately, but I have loved the things I've been sharing. :)

Let's see, how about a quick update on everyone....yeah, that sounds good.

Steve: He has a choir concert this weekend. He's been singing with this choir because it was my way of giving-in to his performance needs. He's now talking about trying out for a play this fall, and I'm not so happy about it. I quite enjoy having him around and the boys love it too. When he does plays he has practice 5 nights a week and it feels like we NEVER see him. We'll see how I feel later on.

Me: I've been feeling extremely run-down and tired lately. I find that if I sit in ONE spot for more than 10 minutes, I fall asleep. The funny thing is, it's just one spot in the whole house, I sit somewhere else and I'm fine. I think I have a narcoleptic seat.

I've also chopped my hair off. I was feeling extremely emotional last week, and I was READY for a haircut. That should have been my clue. It's QUITE short, I haven't had it this short in a long time, but I'm slowly getting used to it. On a day when I get all cutsied up, I will try to take a picture.

I've been having all sorts of wonderful mini-Spiritual moments lately. I've found that when I'm upset or frustrated that listening to a CD that Steve got me for my birthday lifts my spirits. I have a new favorite song right now, it's SO wonderful, it's called Live Like You Believe. I feel like it speaks directly to me and ALWAYS lifts up my soul! Here's a link to the song, don't blame me if you cry...

Cameron: We had his annual IEP meeting and I did NOT cry. His teacher kept telling me how he enjoys Cameron and the boy he is. It was a proud mommy moment.

He's also doing very well playing basketball. We haven't got him signed up with any teams or anything (although I KNOW he would love that). He plays outside at my mom's house quite a bit and can make a basket in a 10 foot high hoop! He is getting better and better! He's also starting to out-grow his poor little first bike. Today he pulled out all ads that had bikes in them, I think he's hinting!

He has also started to behave VERY well. He's doing it because he wants me to shave his head again. The boy wants another mohawk. I told him that the only requirement would be good behavior. Maybe tomorrow I'll give him the mohawk.

Jake: This little boy is certainly going to keep me busy. He is talking a LOT. Tonight, we had breakfast for dinner, and we were *trying* to encourage him to eat. I said, "Jake, eat your breakfast!" He then asked, "Where's breakfast!?" Silly boy!

He also LOVES to be outside, he just lives for it. He will ride in his little truck and play basketball with his big brother. He dribbles the ball QUITE well for someone SO little.

Yesterday when we were at my mom's house, he got ahold of the water hose. He LOVED playing in the water. He watered EVERYTHING within an inch of it's life. If you were outside and within water distance, it was likely he'd gotten you wet. After an hour or so, he came inside, sopping wet. He had ONE dry spot in the middle of his back, but the rest of him was wet. I changed his clothes, and tried to warm him up, but he did NOT want to sit still. So I set him free. At my mom's house there is a water dispenser on the fridge. The kid found that and soaked his newly dried body!! I was livid, but laughing at the same time. Everyone else who was there had to leave the room so they could laugh.

This kid is our entertainment, and we're SO glad we have him.

Life continues to move at a rapid pace, and we're trying to keep up. I have had spring fever SO badly lately, and with the weather the way it's been I've even wanted to go camping. I'm so glad that season is coming soon!

When Your Hut's On Fire

A little note from me, I don't know why I've not been up to writing personal blog posts lately, but I got this email from my aunt, and I KNEW I had to share it. Maybe sometime this week I'll post something personal....maybe.....

******************************************************

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do
this to me?'
Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.
The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.
Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground.
It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

Happy Videos, for a Happy Birthday Boy

Today's one of my brother's birthdays. I don't have money to get him something cool, so I'm sharing some funny videos that I KNOW will make him laugh. Happy birthday! :)

Happy Things

I finally watched that show that I mentioned about NF and I couldn't help but feel SO blessed. Those kids have the disease pretty severely, and Cameron, when compared to them, is SO mild. He does have visible cafe au lait spots and a FEW (literally 4 or 5) neurofibromas that you can see from the outside. Our only concern with him is the 3 plexiform neurofibromas (multiple neurofibromas that grow in a cluster) that are on his spine. But in all honesty, he is doing FABULOUS! We only have to see the specialized doctors once a year and his tumors are NOT growing. I felt like I could be glimpsing something that *could* happen to us, but I felt SO blessed to know that we haven't had to take it that far.

I've had several happy things happen in my life lately, I think it's time for a gratitude post...I need the reminder.

Jake is talking more and more and can even say his name correctly now. He's been trying to say it for a few weeks, starting out as "Day-dub," then "Ja-dub," and now it's "Jacob."

He's also super cute and sweet. He's just learned to make obnoxious noises when he kisses, and thinks it's great fun to make those same noises when he blows kisses. The other night he was blowing kisses while we were eating dinner. He was laughing so hard that he could barely breathe.

The warm weather has been so wonderful. I let the boys play outside yesterday for the first time in I don't KNOW how long without their jackets or coats. It felt so freeing.

I got to have a very fun GNO (Girls' Night Out) last week with my computer and real life friends. I love it when I can just get together with a bunch of ladies, who I know and love, and just giggle until my face hurts.

We had our annual IEP meeting for Cameron this week. Normally I go to the meeting and end up bawling when they talk about Cameron. This week, NOTHING! I was able to stay calm and make my needs known, but I think the thing that made me SO happy was the fact that they were all willing to add the ONE goal I've been advocating for him for YEARS! He now has the goal to read a small book written INTO his plan! On top of that happy news, the district occupational therapist said that Cameron is about ready to graduate from occupational therapy. This kind of threw me for a loop, I was NOT expecting this. His handwriting is getting SO much better, and they're finding it hard to make more age-appropriate goals for the boy. She mentioned a new therapy using a metronome that should help his fine-motor skills, and I am VERY excited.

Life truly is great and I don't have much to complain about! What have you been blessed with lately?

NF1 on TV, MTV

Tonight, MTV's show "True Life" is spotlighting 3 teens who are living with NF1. I'm very interested in how they portray this disease, and since my own child has NF1, I will be watching with great interest.

Update:

I've tried recording it off of TV, TWICE! Both times it was NOT the show. :( So now I'm watching the full episode online. Very facinating. (THIS IS YOUR WARNING: They show actual surgical proceedures on this show, it could be quite graphic at times. PLEASE watch it with care.)

I'm a Porcupine, You're a Porcupine....

This last weekend I bought a book that I have to admit is probably one of my MOST favorite books EVER!! I find myself underlining favorite or appropriate things and making notes in the margins. I LOVE this book.

"How to Hug a Porcupine" by Dr. John L. Lund is my NEW love.

I have to admit, I bought this book HOPING to fix those Porcupines in my life. I have several people in my life that I feel are toxic or behave in toxic ways. (A porcupine is anyone who has toxic personality traits.) Instead of ONLY finding them in these pages, I'm finding my OWN toxic traits...and it's scary! I don't want to be a porcupine! I want to be a fluffy muskrat.

The number one thing that I've learned from reading this book is: "The ONLY person I can change is me. I cannot change ANY toxic person, I may persuade or love them, but I cannot make them change."

It's SO fascinating. I've had my eyes opened and I am LOVING it.

For example, did you know toxic people cannot or will not give you the validation that you want? They'll also with hold love to assert their power over any given situation. They will chose a "favored one," so that the rest of the people that they deal with have hope to one day BE that favored one. And something I've always said, "You do it because I said so," is a forerunner to rebellion.

I'm learning that I really DO have a good relationship with my husband (despite what other people think) and that the way I've BEEN treating the porcupines in my life has been appropriate.

There are things that I've learned that I'm SURE will take time to sink in and for me to understand. Some of those are that love and trust are NOT the same thing. That the "art of parenting is not the art of hanging on, but the art of letting go."And that I really need to transfer responsibility to my children for their own behaviors and emotions.

Now, mind you, I'm only half-way through this book. I've read chapters about how to identify emotional porcupines and what some other people have done to deal with these emotional porcupines. NOW I'm at the point where he's giving me the "armor" I need to protect myself from these emotional porcupines.

It's SO fascinating, and SO helpful! I'm SO glad that this book was recommended to me (by several sources) and that I listened to them.

Even During a Melt-Down, He STAYS In the Box

"Mommy, picture!!"

Books Review: Fablehaven

I may have mentioned this series of books before, but I just finished the final book and want to let everyone know that these books are GREAT! The fifth and final book of Fablehaven came out last month, and it took me 10 days to read the whole thing. (And only because I valued my sleep....I had to FORCE myself to go to bed at 2:00 in the morning instead of reading more, like I would have liked.)
The books are VERY imaginative and a fairly easy read. They might be scary for younger kids, but for tweens, teens and adults, they're fine! They DO get intense, but that's part of the reading experience, isn't it?
The series follows Kendra and Seth Sorenson and their exposure to the mythical world that lies beyond the typical human eyes. There are fairies, centaurs, dragons, demons and more. It's fun to see the different ways each group is presented.
I have to say, it was sad to know that I was reading the final book in this series. But it didn't leave me ACHING for more, but wishing there was more.
If you like Harry Potter, you will adore Fablehaven. I highly recommend it.....to everyone!

Easter and Conference Memories

The boys were pretty pleased with our Easter. They woke up to find a note from the Easter Bunny telling them that the baskets were in my bedroom for safe keeping. They weren't particularly impressed with the "edible" grass. (I wasn't either....it's ALL over my living room floor.) BUT they both LOVED their clucking Cadburry Bunnies.

We planned to have a fun Easter egg hunt after the first session of Conference, but the message didn't get around fast enough, so we rescheduled for after the second session. It has been QUITE chilly here lately (all of Cameron's spring break was over-cast and just COLD!) and there was still some snow outside. (Not a lot, but just enough to cause problems.) Steve and I went out to "hide" the eggs (literally just throwing them on the ground and possibly HIDING a few) and I took one step on the pile of snow and slid side-ways crashing on the ground. I was hurt, and cold, but I was fine. Steve asked me if I was okay, and I slowly sat up, leaving the egg that HAD been in my hand on the snow with finger holes around it. He said to leave it and I did. When Cam went out to get the eggs, he asked why that one was RIGHT there. (*giggle*)
The boys had fun gathering up the eggs, there were 50 or 60 and just my two boys. After that, we sat and talked with family.

Earlier, Jake had spilled chips on the floor, and I told him to grab his broom and clean it up, he went to work scattering the mess all over the WHOLE kitchen instead of the previously contained area. He does make a mess well. I guess he's talented that way.

For Conference I'd made treats and set up a tent for the boys to watch the TV in. They enjoyed it for about 5 minutes, then they were done. Plus, the tent's pole was bent and just made things worse. The treats didn't survive until the first session either. Cameron had gotten up early and ate the middle of the brownies. It was sad for him, he didn't get ANY more brownies.

Conference was fantastic though. (What I saw of it. WHY do I always fall asleep in that second, afternoon, session??) I felt edified and very happy.

I also got some great deals at Lady's Night at Deseret Book. I'm very excited to read "How to Hug a Porcupine," and "Raising Your Strong Willed Child." Both look like they'll contain things that I really need to help improve my skills.

Overall, it's been a busy, but fun weekend. I love it when Conference and Easter fall on the same weekend, it just seems like that's how it should ALWAYS be.

Be Careful What You Say

Jake is SUCH a smart little boy.

Over the weekend, I may have said some not so nice things. Here's what happened, we were driving to visit Grandma and Grandpa, and I ended up following my brother-in-law, no big deal, except he wasn't going QUITE as fast as I was. I had the cruise control set, and went to the left lane to pass him, but he was acting immature, and sped up so I couldn't pass. The first few times it was just annoying, but when he pulled into the left lane to pass a slower car, and actually STOMPED on his brakes, I got VERY annoyed. He refused to let me pass him, period. I was yelling at him from my vehicle, "ANDREW!! YOU ARE A JERK!"

From the back seat I hear in a high pitched voice, "Jerk!"

I am SO glad I wasn't swearing....

Making Memories

We made a semi-emergency trip this last weekend to visit Steve's grandparents and aunts and uncles. The main concern was his grandpa, who has been active and full of life for YEARS, has recently decided that he wants to be done. Once we heard that, we made plans to visit him before he really WAS done.

We took Steve's dad with us, caravaned with his brother's family and we were off. The first day we were in town, Grandpa had just gotten out of surgery. He hasn't been able to eat much, so they installed a feeding tube. He was very weak from the surgery, so we decided to visit on Saturday. And after many wrong turns we eventually found our way to cousin David's house (a BEAUTIFUL, new, HUGE home.) We found out that Grandma wanted to get together with everyone for dinner, so we hurriedly unpacked and we were off. We had a VERY enjoyable evening with the family, just laughing and catching up. (I fell in love with Steve's family all over again, they're all SO wonderful and fun!) After dinner, we made simple plans for the next day to at LEAST visit Uncle Mike and Aunt Linda's house so that the boys could see their horses, then we went back to David's house to put the boys to bed and to talk with cousins.

That night we slept above David's garage, in his "bonus room." It was a VERY large room, but part-way through the night it got VERY cold. I wouldn't have worried about it if Jake hadn't been trying to get comfortable by wandering the room and sleeping in the middle of the floor. I kept finding him in a different place, so I grabbed the boy and had him sleep with me. It was fine for him, but I didn't sleep very well. Because of the wandering sleep, I've learned that the boy will most DEFINITELY need to be in a crib for a LONG time.

The next morning we woke up to the smell of pancakes. Steve's cousin, who is a newlywed, and a busy guy to boot, had made us breakfast. After eating, we made our way to the hospital. It was a very new facility, and we learned that they have pretty strict security. Visitors are required to sign in and wear a badge. After finding out where Grandpa was and signing in, we went upstairs to visit. He was happy to see us, but pretty groggy. We wanted to get some pictures with him, but he started getting agitated because his hair wasn't combed. I went in search of a comb for him, but couldn't find one. Luckily, Steve's dad had one and I combed his hair, but he also continued to get agitated and anxious. He had a panic attack because we had overwhelmed him.

We were asked to leave (by Grandma and Uncle Dick) and we went to the waiting room. While waiting for news from Uncle Dick about what was going on, a friend of mine came in. I was surprised to see her, because we live in the SAME town, and for her to be in the same hospital was QUITE a little miracle. Her mom wasn't doing very well, so I just gave her lots of hugs and tried to tell her of my sadness for her. We talked for a little while, until Uncle Dick came back. He invited us to have dinner at his house that night, and said he'd meet us back at the hospital that evening to lead us there. I said good-bye to my friend, and then we went in search of lunch. Once outside, we learned how wonderful the weather was. We all stripped off our jackets and just enjoyed the nice, WARM weather.

We decided to try a restaurant that we don't have in our town, and I've heard how wonderful the Cheesecake Factory was for a very long time, so we went there. Once we were seated, we had sticker-shock. But we figured we might as well give it a try. We learned that even though the prices are big, the food is just as big, and JUST as yummy. After filling our faces, we then went to visit the horses.

Once we got to Uncle Mike and Aunt Linda's house we relaxed a bit, took a tour of their remodel (due to a flooded house) and visited the horses. The boys were ENTHRALLED by the horses, which are ponies, and Jake loved them....UNTIL they made BIG horse noises. He was afraid to go near them. After visiting the horses, we played in the backyard until we needed to go to the store to stock up on a few things. We hugged them and promised to see them later (Uncle Dick had invited EVERYONE to his house) and we went to the store.

After the store, it was time to meet back at the hospital. We signed in and went to visit Grandpa, but Grandma waved us back. Apparently, they'd tried to feed him through the tube for the first time, and then he took a walk...that was just too much for him. He was very sick and wasn't up for visitors. We understood, peeked our heads in, told him that we loved him, then headed back to the waiting room. It was then that I noticed Jake was walking funny. His legs were FAR apart and he was slightly squatting. OH MY GOSH! I had forgotten to change the kid's diaper ALL day long! I noticed wet spots on the sides of his legs by the diaper, and told Steve that I was going to the car to change Jake, but I'd be back.

I took the boy outside, changed him, and then his pants, then we were back inside, checking BACK in. As soon as I filled out the sheet, I heard familiar voices, the family was coming back down the hallway. The family was coming out. I signed back out. (In and out at 5:00....kinda funny!) Then we left to eat dinner.

Uncle Dick REALLY outdid himself. He had h'ordeuvres, lasagna, salad, ham, hot dogs (for the boys), cheese sticks, onion rings, and ice cream and cookies for dessert. His little house (I DO mean little) was filled to capacity (there were 17 of us) and we all laughed again and talked some more. I got to talk more with Grandma, who is SUCH a cute and sweet woman, then I tried to keep the boys entertained while Steve played pinochle with his family. I noticed that Steve's dad was ASLEEP on the couch, and asked him if he was ready for bed, and he said he was. So I told Steve that we needed to go put the boys to bed, all three of them. He wanted to stay and play, so he talked to his cousin and they said they could give him a ride home, and I took the guys and we left. That car ride was something I don't think I'll EVER forget. Steve's dad has never really said much to me, ever. He doesn't say much to Steve either, so I just figured he was a quiet guy. That night, I turned off the radio, because I didn't think he'd appreciate my country music, and that man just opened up. He told me all sorts of stories: about how he decided to give up drinking, how he had worked as a janitor for over 40 years, his youth....anything and everything. I wished I could have taken notes. After a quick stop at the store, we went back to the house. I got the boys ready for bed, then went down the stairs to read a book and wait for the others to get home.

Once the did, I asked to use the Internet REALLY quickly, I left a note for someone on FaceBook, and then found that my friends who lived where I was visiting had been looking for me. I made a call, and set up an impromptu Girls' Night In. I went to visit them and stayed up laughing and talking until 2 am.

After almost getting lost again, I found my way back, and went to sleep. Sunday morning, we got cleaned up and went to a local Sacrament Meeting, enjoying the Easter message, then we went to visit Grandpa. After signing in, we wet up to visit him. (I had seen my friend's name on the sign in, and knew she was there, I had hoped to find out exactly what was going on with her mom and maybe give her another squeeze.) Grandpa was FAST asleep. We didn't want to bother him, so we wrote him a note, and as we were finishing, my friend's family came out of the waiting room. I hugged her again and talked with her for a few minutes. I let her know that her family was in my prayers (they still are). Then Grandpa's nurse told us that he wasn't sleeping a lot, it was mostly off and on napping, and that we should say good-bye to him. We went back, woke the poor guy up, and said our farewells. He was even MORE out of it and kept asking us where the Indians fought the white men. We snapped a few more pictures, gave him hugs and said good bye. He was so frail, and I don't know if he will ever fully recover.

It was quite the trip. I had fun, but I was also a little sad about Grandpa, and his condition. I'm just glad we made the time to see him and make more memories with him. He had insisted that we give him some pictures of the boys, and we made sure we got a cute one for him. After looking at the cute pictures he had in his room I asked him how he got such CUTE grandkids. He responded, "I have a formula." It was so sweet, and I just love him for his sense of humor.

A Few of My New Favorite Quotes

I've been collecting quotes lately. Here are a few that make me happy and remind me to be a better me.

"Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them, all of it has always been the big stuff."

~Catherine M. Wallace

"That which we persist in doing becomes easy to do; not that the nature of the thing has changed, but the power to do has increased."
~Heber J. Grant

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

~Helen Keller

"Don't' sweat the small stuff, what doesn't matter, doesn't matter."

"Laugh everyday; even if it is at yourself."

"It would be a nice world to live in if everyone made this pledge: 'I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of everybody.'"

~Benjamin Franklin

"Love like there is no tomorrow."

When the Mind Wanders....

....it's just too hard for my body to settle down to sleep. Right now, it's 2:00 in the morning and I just cannot sleep. My mind feels like it's on over-drive and I feel wide awake and not even sleepy, at all.

I've been thinking about how truly grateful I am for my little family. I am so glad that I was blessed to be the mother of these two energetic little boys and that I was given the opportunity to not only teach them, but to learn from them.

With Cameron, I've had to learn patience and accepting things that are hard. For a while now, I've wondered how far Cam will advance in his learning and growth. For many years now he's been stuck around the same mental age. It's very disheartening. Instead of being the typical 9 year old boy, he's on the same level as a 5 year old. It's frustrating to me and I'm sure to him.

I'm frustrated that he still hasn't grasped the concept of reading. This is terribly frustrating because I SO love to read. I read a lot, and I know he and Jake have seen me read for fun. But when I sit down with Cameron to help him sound out words, he just doesn't get it. He can make the sounds that all of the letters make, but he can't figure out how to put them together to form a word.

I've been wondering if my life will be spent trying to take care of Cameron's many needs and that I will forever have a 5 year old in my life. I love him SO much and wish SO badly for him to have an independent life, but right now, I just don't know if that will ever be possible.

With Jacob, I've had to learn to enjoy the small things and to stick to what I say. For the most part, Jake is a VERY happy child. He loves making others laugh, and finds joy in the simplest things. You show that boy a basketball and he is giddy for a WEEK! He thinks making the adults around him laugh is a huge accomplishment. For example, this week, he was eating dinner at the table, it was just him and Steve. Suddenly, Jake farted. He looked up at Steve and said, completely serious, "I fahted!" We've been laughing since.

But that sweet side has a very stubborn side. I've known since before this child was born that he was going to do things HIS way. My NSTs were HUGE pains, mostly because Jake wouldn't cooperate by sitting still and letting the nurses get a good reading. I was in the hospital for HOURS on end just trying to get a decent reading. His stubborn streak is still strong.

His new love is going outside to play in his truck and with his basketball. Since our neighborhood is scary and the fact that we don't really have a yard to play in, we have to play at Grandma's house. I don't mind it too much, and neither does Grandma (in fact, she worries if we DON'T show up!!) When we get to Grandma's house, instead of going inside to say hi and let her know we're there, Jake insists on playing with his truck. I've had to literally drag the kid into the house for a few minutes, just so I can drop off my diaper bag before he can play. Then when it's time to leave, because he loves it so much, he will scream (high-pitched, bloody-murder type scream) and kick and flail until he can scamper away for more play time. He honestly thinks that he's boss and very much in charge.

I've had to take things away from him and force him to do what he's supposed to, and it's NOT been easy. I worry that I'll forever be in a battle of wills with this child.

These little boys are SUCH a blessing to me, and I'm so grateful for them and the lessons they teach me. I only hope that I can be a good mommy to them, and teach them what THEY need to learn.

Change in Perspective

I don't know who wrote this, but I am so glad that it was brought to my attention.

*******************************************

Lord, thank you for this sink of dirty dishes;
We have plenty of food to eat.

Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry;
We have plenty of nice clothes to wear.

And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds;
They were so warm and comfortable last night.
I know that many have no bed.

My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom,
Complete with all the splattered mirrors, soggy, grimy towels and dirty lavatory;
They are so convenient.

Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly;
It has served us faithfully for many years.
It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.

Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today.
It has baked so many things over the years.

The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing,
The lawn that needs raking;
We all enjoy the yard.

Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door.
My kids are healthy and able to run and play.

Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says
You have richly blessed my family.
I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.

When You Don't Have, Make Do

I may have mentioned Jacob's new favorite TV show before, but every day he BEGS to watch the Fresh Beat Band. He loves the singing and tries to sing along, but he's picked up something else from that show, something I never thought he would....the love of the drums. He REALLY loves the drums. Did I say "REALLY!?" Because he REALLY does!

For Christmas he and Cameron got a can of tinker toys. They love building things with them, but Jake has found a way to include his LOVE with those toys. He takes the long blue sticks and uses them as drumsticks. He beats on the lid of the tinker toys or on anything that even SLIGHTLY resembles something flat and drum-like, he beats it to death.

Today he had two blue tinker toy sticks and the lid to a bucket and was carrying them around. I asked him what he had and he put the lid on the floor, held up the sticks and said, "Dum-stick, Mama!"

Heaven help me! If it's noisy now, what's it going to be like when he's older and has more strength? And I'm going to HAVE to encourage his natural interest and buy him some drums....

Anyone have any earplugs?

Wordless Wednesday: Jelly Bean Eater

(Okay, not TOTALLY wordless....Since the warmer weather Jake's been playing outside a LOT. He's also been falling down and getting scraped up, a LOT. He's got scratches on his nose, chin and on the back of his head. But he's still happy to eat some jelly beans!)

Thankful Tuesday

It has been a while since I've written things that I'm thankful for.

• I am grateful for warmer weather. It's so nice to be able to take my boys outside, let them play and have fun and not worry about piles of snow, or bright red noses and ears. It just makes me SO happy to have spring on the way.
• I'm grateful for my own personal hair dresser. This morning, after his bath and usual cuddles, Jake grabbed my hair brush and brushed my hair for a good 10 minutes. It was so sweet and unexpected.
• I'm grateful for a son who likes to help out. Cameron has been trying EXTRA hard lately to help me out, either by sharing with Jake or doing little things that he knows I like done.
• I LOVE happy music. (Even if it is considered *kids* music.)
• I love that my home is on its way to being what I want it to be. I've been slowly, but surely working on my FlyLady techniques and even though I still struggle with decluttering, I'm doing SO much better and I love how my house looks and feels. (Now, not only is my sink shiny, but my toilet is starting to sparkle too!) It's a happy place to be.

Daylight Savings Love

Although the time change really throws me and my family off for a while, I truly love daylight savings time. I love how it's brighter outside for longer and that we get to take advantage of it with the time change.

Losing that hour of sleep didn't even bother me THAT much. The thing that bothered me most was that Jake decided to wake up for an hour in the middle of the night. (Something about a nightmare and losing Cameron....I didn't quite catch it, but I understand that he was upset.)

And the fact that it happens on a Sunday helps get us ready for the rest of the week.

I know that this all sounds crazy, but I'm excited for the time change, because it lets me know that winter isn't as endless as it feels and that warmth is on it's way. :)

Bliss

I just asked Jacob to throw away the apple he's been snacking on all morning. (It was brown and gross...) He quickly said, "D'okay!" Ran over to the garbage and threw it away.

Obedience without a fight? Oh, to have the obedience whenever I ask for something to be done.

And just for fun, Jake has been doing this cheesy smile whenever we ask him to "smile." I love it, it totally makes me laugh EVERY single time. (As I was taking the picture he even called out "cheese.....POOP!" *giggle)

Family Home Evening Confessions

For many MANY years our little family has had our Family Home Evening each week with my parents and other extended family members. Our usual lesson has almost always been a story plucked from the pages of the Church magazines, most often from the Ensign. When it was just us, it was fine, but then we started bringing kids into the mix, and the stories, while nice and uplifting, were WAY over our kids' heads. Family Home Evening to them was a night they dreaded. It was a constant FIGHT for us to get them to sit still and listen the the adults babble on about things that they just didn't understand.

A few weeks ago, I decided to change things up. A friend had posted a website that boasted A Year of FHE. I went to the website thinking that it wouldn't hurt to just look for ideas. I fell in love with the lessons. They were right on the kids' levels and a good review for the adults as well. We started with a lesson about showing love through our words. My sweet Cameron, who most of you know has developmental delays, was VERY involved. In fact, he followed along well and answered my questions. It was a HUGE success.

The discussion after the lesson usually drones on and on, but that week it was very good, and it was decided that giving the lesson at the kids' level was what is really needed. Since then, I've been the unofficial designated lesson giver. The lessons have varied, but we've all learned lessons.

The important thing about it all?? My kids are paying attention better (instead of running a marathon around grandma's living room) and they're starting to *get it.*

I'm SO grateful for this website, and I can say that my boys are happy too.

When Plans Don't Go as They Should

I have been a planner, well, in the general sense, my whole life. I've always had the dream of what I wanted my life to be like. I knew I wanted to be married to a wonderful man in the Temple. I knew that I always wanted to have kids, no more than 3 years apart in age. And I KNEW that I would always be deliriously happy if I followed my basic plan.

As the years have passed, things have NOT always gone as I planned, but there are a few things that I now know.

I KNOW that I am happily married to my sweet husband, in the Temple. We don't always get along or see eye to eye, but we DO eventually work through things and we're happy...most of the time.

I know that having my two sweet boys eight years apart was NOT part of my plan, but it was the right timing for me. (Heavenly Father KNEW what he was doing, not that I understand completely now, but one day I will know.)

I wish that I could have all the things I wanted and had planned for, but for now, I'm trying to find solace in the knowledge that I'm doing what my Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. HE knows all. Even when I whine and complain, He knows what's best FOR ME. And my downer feelings (which I'm feeling now) are just for a short time, and hopefully one day I will see and feel the reasons why things are happening the way they are.

Last Play Date

Yesterday Cameron had his best friend over for their final play date. (Although, there may be goofing off on Monday, but we're not totally sure about that yet...) I grabbed my camera and caught the two of them being their goofy selves. We're going to miss this family, and Cam will REALLY miss his friend.

Good luck on the move guys, we love you lots!

Talents Hidden, Even BURIED Can and WILL Surface

Long ago, in a land FAR away....

Okay, so when I was younger (MUCH younger) I had a few talents. I am not saying that I was a genius or anything, but I had some talents: singing, dancing, reading...

I can play the piano.

There, I've said it....are you happy!?

The reason I don't share this "talent" is because it's been a VERY long time since I've played, and even when I DO play, I have to practice and practice to get it to sound nice. I didn't really enjoy piano lessons. Mostly because I *had* to play the piano and my aunt, who I love, and who taught me lessons, would get angry because I didn't practice. I took lessons from the time I was 7ish until I was 12. At 12, I was done, and I think my mother was done fighting me on that issue.

Once I quit taking lessons, I LOVED to play the piano. (Isn't that funny?) I never got REALLY good, but I managed.

I was asked to play for church functions, but whenever I did, I'd mess up. Like the time I played "I am a Child of God" for a young women's activity. I thought it was a fairly easy song to play, so I didn't practice it like I should have, and messed up when the time came to play it for the activity. My friend, who LOVES to tease me, laughed really hard at me, and even harder when I tripped over someone sitting on the floor. It gave me a mental block on playing for church things.

Anyway, for years I played and thoroughly LOVED to play in the private of my home. (It relieved a LOT of stress for me.)

Then I got too busy to play, and life kept going at it's QUICK pace....

In college, one of my friends took a singing class, and had to sing a solo. She asked me to play for her. I agreed, and never found the time to practice. Her time came to sing and she sounded FABULOUS, but I botched the song. The teacher's critiques at the end were all for ME. (I was humiliated!)

I got older, and eventually married. I have no piano in my home (although I'd LOVE to have one) and so I rarely play. I've gotten pretty rusty, and don't like to let other people even KNOW that I can play the piano.

Fast forward a few years....to last summer. I was at a women's retreat. At the end of the weekend, we were having a special "closing ceremonies" and the person in charge went around the WHOLE room (a large group of about 50 or 60 women) and asked for a volunteer to play a song. No one knew how.....except me. I practiced a little bit before we were to sing, and managed to stumble my way through the song, but I was embarrassed that I hadn't kept my talent going.

Fast forward yet again to this week. I was asked to substitute in Primary in a few weeks ON THE PIANO. (And I tried SO hard to NOT let people know I can play...) I am a SUCKER for people in need of a substitute, and generally say that I will do it. This one was difficult for me, but I said yes. Thankfully, she's giving me LOTS of time to practice, now I just need to actually DO it.

The lesson here, my friends: Talents WILL come out....so be prepared!

Lessons in Mothering

Sleep is far from my mind. My brain is swirling with the things I've learned at church. It was a truly great day for me. I felt the Spirit SO much, and I felt prompted in the things I've been struggling with.

First off, the sacrament meeting speakers touched on things I'm not doing, but should be. The first one spoke of consistency in the little things (prayer and scripture study). I do pray, constantly, but my personal scripture study has fallen by the wayside since I finished my goal last year to read the Book of Mormon. I need to do better.

Then in Sunday School we talked about the parallels between the story of Abraham and Isaac and Christ. The one thing that hit me was that when Abraham was commanded to sacrifice Isaac he didn't complain, he did it obediently with no other words. What a great example of obedience.

And finally, in Relief Society we discussed Dallin H. Oaks' talk about Love and Law, how Heavenly Father is bound by laws, but that doesn't change his love. I tried to apply this to my parenting style. I've felt like SUCH a failure as a mother at the end of a trying day. I've felt discouraged when my sweet son gets SO angry with me that he storms upstairs, slams his bedroom door, and screams, "I HATE YOU!" (This was NOT what I had expected my life as a mother to be.)

The teacher, who is someone I've looked up to for a VERY long time, was talking about how Heavenly Father can't make everything in life "fair." He can't give EVERYONE the exact same things, because THAT wouldn't be fair. Then she drew a parallel between my Cameron and her son. Cameron has some pretty severe delays, he still has problems with his speech, and he can't read. Her son, on the other hand, is a typical child, and has no problems with his speech or reading in the same way that Cameron does. She was saying that we can't ask them both to do the exact same tasks, because it wouldn't be fair to either one. (Of course, as she was talking, I had already been thinking about this and completely agreed. But I felt the Spirit SO strongly, that I was bawling....) I wasn't offended, in fact, I learned SO much in that one thought that I feel like I should have learned YEARS ago.

Lesson 1: My Cameron is different. He cannot be held to the same standards as *typical* children. He can't compete, and that is okay.

Lesson 2: His delays make him more compassionate and loving. He is FAR closer to being like Jesus and Heavenly Father than I am.

Lesson 3: Even if he never "catches up" to his peers, he needs to be loved and treated well.

(See, these things are "duh" things, but things I've never really taken the time to THINK about.)

On the flip-side, I also learned some things about parenting Jake.

Lesson 1: Just as Cameron is special, so is Jake. They may not be special in the same way, but they both have great talents and abilities that are theirs alone.

Lesson 2: It wouldn't be fair to Jake OR Cameron to hold both boys to the same standards. They're different and learn differently.

Lesson 3: Both of my boys, even WITH their differences, have a great ability to love without boundaries or limits. They're a great example to ME of how to love unconditionally.

Lesson 4: I need to love both boys and parent them individually, because they are individuals.

My eyes were opened, and I am SO grateful for the Spirit that taught me SO much about me and my family. I just need to remember these lessons....always!

Borrowing Others' Words

After watching this video, I've been thinking about how much I completely AGREE with it. I hope you watch it and enjoy it too.

Verbalizing

The boys are doing SO much better at verbalizing what they want. They're also accomplished at yelling and screaming at one another. I love them dearly....but the high pitched wailing MUST stop, along with the shouts of "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Jake took my ------ (fill in the blank)"

I guess this is my pay back for treating my own siblings so poorly growing up.

Jake has gotten better at his words as well. He also finds it hilarious to blame Cameron for something, and then watching Cameron get in trouble. Yeah, we're talking about a 20 month old child. He's WAY too smart for his own good.
The sad thing is how he is constantly reminding me through out the day, "Mama, Tameron on bus." "Mama, Tameron bye-bye." He loves his brother, and even dances when the bus drops Cam off at home, but after that first giddy minute, we have fighting and screaming.

I know this is typical sibling behavior, but there are days, and lately they're more and more, when I would just love the boys to sit quietly next to each other and share politely.

Yeah, it's a dream, don't squash it.

Wordless Wednesday

Positive Thoughts from a Prophet

For anyone feeling overwhelmed or frustrated with life, a few words:

"My dear sisters, do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your tasks will not be a miracle, but YOU will be the miracle."

~Thomas S. Monson

BE the miracle!!