Going to General Conference

I've never been to see Conference live, but I've always wanted to. I was able to go to a Young Women's broadcast, but that's not QUITE the same. So when our bishop announced that he had tickets for Conference, Steve, without even asking me, got some tickets for us. Jake is too young to go, so it was just Steve, Cameron and I.

We dropped Jake off with my parents early Saturday morning, and off we went. The drive was VERY pleasant and drama free.

We arrived in Salt Lake City JUST as the first session of Conference got finished. We went downtown and ate lunch at Subway. We watched throngs of people walking down the street. It was quite the sight. People after people....it was awesome.

We finished our lunch, and decided that the sooner we parked and got to the Conference Center, the better.

Parking was almost a nightmare, but because we had a pass, we were safe. We quickly found a spot, parked and off we went for our long walk.

Once we got to Temple Square the people were OVERWHELMING! I'd forgotten that people use General Conference time to protest our church. One man was holding a sign, I never really read, but he began yelling, "You cannot enter heaven unless you are born again! HAVE YOU BEEN BORN AGAIN, YOU MORMONS!? Jesus saves, but you must believe in him!" He went on and on....I wanted to laugh at him, I mean, the NAME of our church is "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints." His name is RIGHT there!

We went to the door our ticket said to enter through, and were told by many helpers that we just needed to find a door, the door with the shortest line....

We went through the metal detectors, had my purse searched and went to find our seats. Cool enough, our section is on the second level almost STRAIGHT across from the rostrum.

I kept telling Cameron that when the Prophet came in, we'd stand in reverence and wait for him to sit, and to remember the feeling he felt when the Prophet came in. We sat excitedly for a while, talked with a few members of our own ward who'd gotten tickets as well....then there was silence as people stood. If you've never experienced being in the place where a prophet of the Lord is, it is truly special. The Spirit is SO strong.

Once he was seated, we all sat and waited for the Conference to start.

I will say this, if you're prone to fall asleep watching Conference at home, it's NO different in the Conference Center. I found myself nodding off. I didn't want to do that, so I doodled. I ended up doodling a whole page of curly-cues.

The messages were wonderful (like always) and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

At the end, I felt like we should just go straight home instead of following our plans, but then I brushed off my thought and didn't say a word. Little did I know, Steve had the same "thought...." What we NOW know was truly an impression from the Spirit we should have heeded.

When it was over, we visited some friends who'd moved to Layton, and stayed to play while Steve went to Priesthood session with our friend. By the time they got back, it was late, and we HAD to leave. It was raining buckets, but we were okay. Once we got to the Idaho boarder though, it was snowing, HUGE, FLUFFY snowflakes. With the lights reflecting off of the snow it looked like we were driving through space. You know how warp speed looks on movies and television?? Yeah, we were going warp speed....except it was only like 40 mph. We had to stop at a rest area to get our bearings, because the normal night-time tunnel-vision was 100 times worse with snow. We said a prayer, and slowly made our way home. We followed some sweet person most of the way through the snow and eventually made our own way once the snow dissipated. What's normally a 3 hour drive took us over 4 hours. But we made it home by midnight.

It was a great day, and one I wouldn't mind doing again, MINUS the snowstorm.

Wow....That Was Fast

Today in church I was sitting during the sacrament and thinking about Jesus. I was thinking about the mistakes I've made lately....most of them are with my children. I'm too quick to yell at them, get easily frustrated with the little things they do (or don't do) and I feel like I've lost the love that I have for them. In my heart I prayed that Heavenly Father would forgive me for treating these sweet children so poorly. I asked that he would show me a way to love them, the way that He loves them. I felt peace in my heart, and for the first time in a while, I was happy to sit with a wiggly 2-year old and a 10-year old who's always asking question after question.

Today was Testimony meeting, and many members got up and bore sweet testimony of Jesus and his love for us. I was touched by the Spirit, and again, I felt that sweet peace.

It was during our last meeting of the day that I truly felt Heavenly Father's love for me. The lesson was on strengthening our families. I felt like I had been hit between the eyes.

There were many great stories shared, examples of bringing up children the correct way. Then one of the topics addressed was respect. It was then that I realized that if I want my children to show ME respect, I must first respect them. I need to take their problems seriously (because to them, the broken toy is a HUGE issue and it's important to them) and show them my love through respect.

It was a HUGE eye-opener for me. I felt the answers to my prayers (that I had only prayed an hour and a half before) quickly and fully answered. I know there is a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel that I can make it. I can do it and I am ready.

I feel so blessed to have Heavenly Father answer my prayers SO quickly!

Remembering The Important Things

I just love it when the Conference issue of the Ensign comes out. I love looking through the pictures and re-reading the talks that I either missed the first time (aka, slept through) or ones that I didn't hear because I wasn't there for it (aka, Priesthood session or Young Women's session). I was excited to hear a few talks, because when Steve got home from the Priesthood session, he was fired up and excited about them.

Thursday, instead of taking a book with me to Cameron's therapy, I grabbed the newest issue of the Ensign. I was in heaven! I am constantly in awe of the things we're reminded of at Conference...usually they pertain directly to my life. I couldn't believe all of the talks in this last session that were directed at families and especially mothers.

In one of the talks, I felt especially touched when I was reminded to speak gently and kindly to my children. I have SUCH a hard time with this. I need to remember it.

I've even been reading this issue in place of my usual bedtime book. It's THAT good! Last night, I even continued reading, past the time I was ready to sleep because I was SO happy and enthralled with the messages. That is something I rarely do with my scriptures or Church magazines.

I'm truly grateful that we have living prophets to guide us. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father STILL speaks through His servants and that I can feel the Spirit guiding me to understand and learn from these chosen men.

Happy Things

I finally watched that show that I mentioned about NF and I couldn't help but feel SO blessed. Those kids have the disease pretty severely, and Cameron, when compared to them, is SO mild. He does have visible cafe au lait spots and a FEW (literally 4 or 5) neurofibromas that you can see from the outside. Our only concern with him is the 3 plexiform neurofibromas (multiple neurofibromas that grow in a cluster) that are on his spine. But in all honesty, he is doing FABULOUS! We only have to see the specialized doctors once a year and his tumors are NOT growing. I felt like I could be glimpsing something that *could* happen to us, but I felt SO blessed to know that we haven't had to take it that far.

I've had several happy things happen in my life lately, I think it's time for a gratitude post...I need the reminder.

Jake is talking more and more and can even say his name correctly now. He's been trying to say it for a few weeks, starting out as "Day-dub," then "Ja-dub," and now it's "Jacob."

He's also super cute and sweet. He's just learned to make obnoxious noises when he kisses, and thinks it's great fun to make those same noises when he blows kisses. The other night he was blowing kisses while we were eating dinner. He was laughing so hard that he could barely breathe.

The warm weather has been so wonderful. I let the boys play outside yesterday for the first time in I don't KNOW how long without their jackets or coats. It felt so freeing.

I got to have a very fun GNO (Girls' Night Out) last week with my computer and real life friends. I love it when I can just get together with a bunch of ladies, who I know and love, and just giggle until my face hurts.

We had our annual IEP meeting for Cameron this week. Normally I go to the meeting and end up bawling when they talk about Cameron. This week, NOTHING! I was able to stay calm and make my needs known, but I think the thing that made me SO happy was the fact that they were all willing to add the ONE goal I've been advocating for him for YEARS! He now has the goal to read a small book written INTO his plan! On top of that happy news, the district occupational therapist said that Cameron is about ready to graduate from occupational therapy. This kind of threw me for a loop, I was NOT expecting this. His handwriting is getting SO much better, and they're finding it hard to make more age-appropriate goals for the boy. She mentioned a new therapy using a metronome that should help his fine-motor skills, and I am VERY excited.

Life truly is great and I don't have much to complain about! What have you been blessed with lately?

Thankful November

Freedom and Those Who Sacrifice to Preserve That Freedom for Me

I didn't really PLAN on making today's post so appropriate to Veterans Day, but it just worked out that way.

I feel so incredibly grateful to those soldiers who fight to preserve our freedom, and I also feel deeply grateful to their families who sacrifice their time with their loved ones for MY rights.

Last night was a rough night for me. I was without my hubby and trying to deal with two little boys who do the things they normally do (whining, begging, screaming, disobeying....) and I lost it. I got frustrated and yelled and put them to bed quickly before I did something I regretted. I really missed having the support of Steve and wondered if he were to leave me to care for this family all by myself for a year, how would I survive. Then I thought of my friends who DO go without their husbands for long periods of time. The sacrifice is SO huge, and I feel like thanks is not adequate enough.

I've also been contemplating the shooting that happened last week and how these men and women sacrifice ALL the time, not just when they're at war.

We have so many servicemen and women that deserve our appreciation and respect, and I want to add my small thanks for their HUGE sacrifice for me to live the way I do.

Freedom is something that I also appreciate. Those men who fought for the declaration of independence and the constitution are men that I also feel indebted to. They worked to make this land a place where we have the right to do so MANY things. With all the recent changes that have been made, I feel like my freedom is getting smaller and smaller. I worry that we're giving up too much of our basic freedoms that the founding fathers fought SO hard for in order to have *peace.* (And with that *peace* I'm not entirely sure that's the word I'm looking for.)

I am grateful to live in a land that has so many freedoms, and I hold them SO SO SO sacred. We are so blessed.

Unknown Prayers Answered

I've been pretty humbled lately. I feel very grateful at the same time.

First off, I have THE best visiting teacher. Seriously, I LOVE this woman. Don't be jealous, but don't ask for her either...you can't have her...she's MINE!!

She called me yesterday morning wondering if she could stop in and visit. Not a problem, I'd just be in my messy house, still in pajamas....She promised a quick visit.

When she showed up she came with a big bucket full of goodies. She talked with me, and we laughed and giggled. talking with her just makes me SO happy!! She is who she is and she doesn't change for anyone. I've decided that when I grow up I want to be like her.

Then today, was a busy, LONG day. I was going to see if I could start donating plasma so that I could add some extra money to our Christmas budget, but after a VERY frustrating day, I found out that I don't qualify, YET. I can't donate until I'm finished nursing Jake and once I get a paper signed by my doctor saying that he's monitoring my insulin resistance. I *might* be able to try again in December.

So I was feeling bad for myself, wiped out, tired....and I got a fun call from another lady in my ward. She wanted to know what apartment I was in because she was in front of my building and she had something for me. (I had just woken up from a short nap and wasn't really *aware* of what she'd said, or the fact that she "had something" for me.)

She rang the doorbell and I opened it to find a SWEET woman, (I know, most women are sweet, right...) handing me an exercise ball. Last month, we'd had a fun service auction for our middle of the week Relief Society meeting, and I had bid on her service of getting the winner an exercise ball and teaching them how to use it. I didn't win it, but she's so sweet, she got me AND another woman the same thing. She asked me when I could exercise, and I was so out of it (hello, I JUST woke up...*giggle*) I kinda said I'd talk to her later.

How kind and SWEET are the women of my ward? Honestly. I am SO humbled that I have these women thinking of me and helping me.

Circle of Life

This past weekend was quite a busy one for my family. It all started on Thursday when we realized that my Grandma F was WAY worse than anyone thought so soon. My mom called all of her siblings and encouraged them to come here to say goodbye as quickly as possible. Several left immediately and drove through the night to be here.

On Friday things started going even faster. My poor Grandpa F, who has severe short-term memory loss, couldn't understand why there was a hospital bed in his living room, or why all of his kids had come to visit when he hadn't planned on them coming. He also said over and over that he didn't know Grandma was SO sick.

Saturday morning I got a phone call from my mom. The hospice nurse had come in to check on Grandma and said that she was "actively dying." My mom said she wasn't planning on leaving and wanted me to call my sister and let her know what was going on. All throughout Saturday we got phone call after phone call that Grandma wouldn't last an hour, so we crowded into her tiny home so that we could be with her. My aunts and uncles started singing some of Grandma's favorite church hymns and almost instantly her dropping stats would rise.

We went through the cycle over and over. Tears, saying how much we love Grandma, singing, dispersing, laughing, telling stories, tears.

That night we stayed until late. Steve and I have been planning to bless Jacob in church and decided that no matter what we would follow through with the plan. The only change was the after-blessing luncheon was moved to Grandma's backyard.

Sunday morning we got things ready and went to church. All of us that went (which, with the number of extra aunts and uncles in town was quite a large number) took our cell phones with us....set on vibrate, of course.

Steve gave Jacob a beautiful blessing, and even got our nephew Jayden blessed. We had the sacrament and we'd started in on testimony meeting. I knew that things may move quickly, so I quickly got up and bore my simple testimony. Soon after sitting down, my brothers, mom and dad got up and left, whispering to other family members what was going on. My sister came over and told us that Grandma had breathed her last breath. Half of the congregation got up and walked out. (Anyone who was in my ward and saw our mass exodus, I hope you weren't offended....)

Steve and I hurried to Grandma's house where all of the male relatives were outside crying. Grandma had died around the time we had blessed Jake.
I was told that the women were dressing Grandma, and I was told I could go inside.

I'll never forget the look of loss on my poor Grandpa's face. He knew, absolutely, that his beloved Mona 'Dean was gone and he looked like he would be lost.

We dressed Grandma in her pretty pink dress and the younger granddaughters placed beautiful roses around Grandma.

It was a busy, sad, peaceful day. But I am truly grateful that I know that my Grandma's spirit is still alive and that she is now where my sweet Jacob dreams of.

Busy Sunday

We have been up since around 7:00 this morning to get things going for church (and of COURSE, we were late yet again this week....) In our home ward we had a baptism confirmation and TWO baby blessings. Then as soon as Sacrament Meeting was over we went to see my cousin's baby blessed. The church building she had her baby blessed at was being remodeled, so we had Sacrament Meeting in the gym (which had NO air conditioning at ALL) and we were all dying from the heat! My poor baby was SO hot! He was wearing a onesie, a pollo-shirt onesie, sweater, pants and socks.....by the end of the meeting he was sleeping peacefully wearing only a shirt! Seriously, it was HOT!

Then we all went to have a picnic at a local park....where it was hot! (Have I mentioned my HATRED of heat? I would MUCH rather be too cold than too hot....you can ALWAYS put more things on, but you can't always take enough off!) After the park we sought refuge at my parents' house (which has central AIR.....*chorus of angels singing Hallelujas*) I'm feeling SO good right now!

My grandma and grandpa came over to my parents' house as well....Grandma looked better than she has the last few days, but the lady just doesn't have an appetite at all.

Here she is making goo-goo eyes at Jake.

Now all I really want to do is NAP! But sadly, if I do, I probably won't sleep very well tonight! *sigh*

Jacob's Birth Story

I apologize for not posting this story earlier, like I said, I've been super tired and just plain wiped out with this little boy.

Last Friday (June 6th) Steve and I dropped Cam off with Grandma and headed to the hospital for our scheduled c-section. We were supposed to be there at 7:30, but we were there at 7:00! (I couldn't really sleep that night...I woke up all excited and anxious at 3:00!) As soon as we had left our house to go to the hospital I started having regular contractions. I remember thinking, "If we hadn't already planned on having Jacob today, then I'm PRETTY sure we would have had to have him today anyway!"

After checking in at the labor and delivery desk (which over the last month I had become VERY familiar with) and laughing with some of the familiar nurses (one who had helped me with my last Non-Stress Test the night before....) I went into the room, dressed and waited with Steve. I was SO exhausted after my long night, that I kinda snoozed here and there. It felt pretty good. After a while, the nurse came in and told us that we were going to be pushed back. There was a "ruptured breech baby" ahead of us. That's fine, I thought, I'm going to try and sleep anyway!

Then after another hour she came back and said that we weren't sure how long it would be until we were taken back because another person had come in, and they were premature, and all preemies are delivered in the ORs so that the babies can be whisked away to the NICU.

We filled out paper after paper...put our thumbprints on the birth certificate....and watched morning television.

Soon enough the anesthesiologists came, prepped me on the anesthesia, and started my IV drip (that is supposed to be given a half hour before surgery.) We were getting ready. I drank the nasty stomach acid stabilizer and waddled to the surgery room.

Once we got to the room, they made Steve sit on the garbage can outside and told him that they'd bring him in as soon as I was ready. The poor guy was SO nervous!

They took me back and started giving me the spinal. It was THEN that I realized, "HEY!! I'm having a baby today!!" (Yeah, not necessarily the BRIGHTEST crayon in the box!)

After the spinal (which BURNED like none other...) things went pretty fast. I didn't feel a lot (thank goodness) but I could "feel" the pushing, pulling, tugging....soon enough, I heard the doctor say, "You look like a boy face." Then they pushed on my ribs (I SWEAR, he was WAY up there!) and they showed him to me. He was absolutely perfect!

They put him through the window to the NICU for him to get cleaned up and weighed. Steve and I just kept staring at one another, I couldn't stop the tears or the smile!

Soon enough Jacob was sitting contentedly in his daddy's arms...and we were commenting on how he really favors MY side of the family (Cameron is ALL his daddy's boy....Jacob is all his MAMA'S boy!) After a while the doctor told me through the blue curtain that there was a cyst on my ovary and she'd try to save it, but couldn't promise anything. I started to worry, but knew that I was in good hands.

The doctor removed half of my ovary and said that the cyst was a dermoid cyst. It isn't necessarily linked to PCOS, but is something that can happen to any woman. What happens is the ovary decides that it needs to make a human being (yeah, no ovulation or anything, just spontaneous human production) and it makes this cyst. They can contain bones, teeth or hair. Usually they're benign, but since there's no symptoms, by the time they're found often they're HUGE and require the whole ovary to be removed. My cyst wasn't huge, but it was about the size of a chicken's egg. It had hair in it, but it didn't seem to be a problem (we found out that it was completely benign, and just some random thing that sometimes happens!)

The doctors put me back together and I went to the recovery room where I saw a couple who used to be in our ward, they'd had THEIR baby an hour before. I asked them how big their baby was and laughed, "Ha ha!! We won!" Jacob was 8 pounds 13 ounces....their baby was 8 pounds 12 ounces! ;) (He was 22 inches long as well...see, I TOLD you he was in my ribs!)

The day went quickly, but everything turned out well. I stayed in the hospital until Monday and was FINALLY allowed to come home with my baby! (The one thing I'd DREAMED of since I had to leave Cam in the hospital when HE was a newborn!)

Since then things have been going well. I had a scare earlier this week when my incision started bleeding, but the doctor assured me that it was because of all of the old scar tissue. Jacob had his circumcision (crying the WHOLE time.) There's lots of sleepless nights, but I'm SO grateful for this beautiful little boy in my life! Who would have thought after all those years of struggling that I'd be blessed with this wonderful experience!

Blessings in Disguise

I feel blessed, but in a round-about way.

For the last week or so, Steve has had a NASTY cough. It sounds like he's going to hack up a lung or something. It's been bad, but we thought it was just another cold, and that eventually he'd get over it. Well, time went on and it just seemed to get worse. PLUS he would be fevered and get clammy and just not feel good.

So yesterday, after I got back from Cam's Primary activity (which I'll have to tell about another time...) he was still feeling pretty icky, and his shift at work had been moved. So we decided, it's time to bite the bullet and go see a doctor.

We took him to a local urgent care center, and waited...and waited....and waited. Finally, they took us back to a room where we waited some MORE! (We were there for about an hour and a half.) Anyway, in that time they did a test for flu, a chest x-ray, and a blood draw. In the end they determined that the man has pneumonia. That's NOT what we had expected!

Luckily, the Physician's Assistant that was there told us that there is a study that a local doctor is doing ON pneumonia, and if we were interested, they'd sign us up for it. The study would totally cover any doctors visits, medications, and would even PAY US! We were ALL for that, so we waited while the PA got a hold of the doctor in charge of the study.

He sent us on our way, x-rays in hand and a lighter heart! (The main reason we'd put off going to the doctor was the cost of it....but with this study, we didn't have that worry any more!)

The doctor greeted us and started everything going. Steve will be taking a drug (we don't know which one) either a new one being tested, or the old tried-and-true method. He'll be getting x-rays, blood draws, and some EKGs. It's all pretty interesting.

The only thing I'm REALLY worried about now is how he can keep his cool when he gets his blood drawn. The man CANNOT handle needles of ANY kind!! He literally sweats bullets!! (Well, not "bullet" bullets...but his sweating is pretty BAD!) And I had to hold him down for 2 of the draws yesterday. He needed me to lean on! I just hope he'll get used to these tests, and not worry about them so much! (Both I and the lady who took his blood commented on how it's a good thing HE'S not the one who has to have babies!!)

I had been worried about him all week. His coughing was keeping him awake at night, but since he's so thoughtful, he'd leave the room so I could sleep. But now, I'm so much happier!! I know he'll be getting better soon! And I know that if anything, Heavenly Father was watching out for my small family! I'm so blessed!

Why?!

Why?! I just want to know. Does anyone have a decent answer for me?

There was ONE small story I forgot to add to my graduation drama, "the ice cube." If I get enough courage, I'll tell it, otherwise, you'll ALL be in the dark on that one! (Well, except for Daren, who was there, and was the perpetrator!)

With Christmas coming I've been trying to enjoy things and stay unfrazzled, but I've been worrying quite a bit. I can't help myself, I'm a worrier. My husband will often tell me not to worry so much about things, but I just can't stop! With Christmas, my main concern was for Cameron. I had mentioned that my RS president had called to see if the ward could help us, and we accepted, but I had begun to stress when she asked if there was another present they could exchange for what he had asked Santa for. I panicked! I had pretty much promised the boy that he would get what he wanted, and then I heard that we might not be able to get the promised toy. STRESS!

Anyway, after church yesterday my RS president pulled me aside and told me that everything I had requested was ready for my son...including the EXACT toy he had asked for. I could not hold the tears back. RELIEF! I thanked her over and over and tried to compose myself enough to go back to choir practice, but the whole time I was smiling.

Anyway, let's get back to the game. The winner was Carrie (aka CareBearMommy)! I'm really impressed! She's such a superwoman! (Can you see the emblazoned SW on her chest?!) Not only did she get the answers FIRST, but she's juggling 3 kids, one, less than a week old! How DOES she do it all?! Anyway, the answers WERE Grandma got ran over by a reindeer, We three kings (again!), and Silver Bells. She's so SNART! *snickering*

Since I'm getting to the bottom of my list I'm not going to be posting 3 songs a day. This way we'll also cut back on the whole "multiple" winner thing! I've counted, and I've got one carol a day until Christmas. I'm so good! *patting self on the back*

The rules, if you don't know, are you have to be the first to correctly identify the mixed up Christmas song title. Then you get a spiffy award, blah, blah, blah! Good luck!

Song:

Oh small Israel urban center

And as a quick PS, other than the few snags I've run into, I'm quite enjoying beta. :)

God Loves ME! (Oh, and Other Happenings...)

My attempt at playing games isn't going so well. Again the rules are: I will post the words to a mixed up Christmas carol, and you get to figure out the songs. Since no one has gotten the first song of my game I'll add another and maybe we'll get someone who's smart enough to figure out the answer! (I had to have a hint, then Steve figured it out...so I'm not smart!) But like I said, that one was HARD!

Song:

The apartment of 2 psychiatrists (Hint: There really aren't any WORDS to this particular song!)

Song #2:

The lad is a diminutive percussionist

And as an ADDED bonus Song #3:

Decorate the entry-ways

Good luck!

The bug that has been zooming around has finally landed here! I threw up my guts over and over yesterday. I felt bad about not going to church, but I really didn't think they'd appreciate me puking all over those sweet little kids! So I called in sick, and pretty much slept and tried to get better. Thankfully I'm doing fabulous today!

I'm SO grateful for prayer right now! I can't even begin to tell you, but I'll try!

Lately we've really been struggling just to get by. And with Christmas rapidly approaching I've really gone into stress mode. We just have a few presents we wanted to get for Cameron, but with each pay day gone by it seems less and less likely that we'll be able to pull it off. I've thought about putting off some of our bills, hoping the mean collectors will have a heart, just once, but then I worry that we'll never catch up! Anyway, I've been worrying and praying all weekend long that we'll somehow find a way to make Christmas nice for Cam without stretching ourselves to the limit. Then today I got a call. It was my Relief Society President. She said that she's had me on her mind all weekend long, and wondered if we needed any help with Christmas.

Can you imagine my TEARS?! I told her how we've been really struggling and how I was worried about getting things for Cameron. We talked for a half hour and at the end of that time my worries were eliminated! GONE! I can tell you now, that God does look out for us. Even when it seems small and insignificant to our eyes, He loves us and will help us when we ask for it!

I Feel Pretty

Is it normal to feel pretty only on certain days? The other day I just took a shower, yes, that's all it took, threw on a little make-up and fixed my hair and POOF! I was pretty! And I felt pretty! I LOVED IT!

I couldn't get enough of myself in the mirror. I was constantly trying to find my reflection, only to marvel at what a little bit of work does for my countenance.

My husband constantly tells me how cute I am, but I rarely believe him, but when I feel pretty, I expect him to tell me...ALL THE TIME! I know it's gotta be hard for him to know when to tell me and I believe him, or when I'll roll my eyes and say, "Yeah, thanks." I guess I should be grateful that my husband thinks I'm cute, and maybe dress myself up a bit more for him! Couldn't hurt the baby-making endeavor, right!? ;)

Weekend Woes

While driving home from our holiday weekend, I was looking out the window at the beautiful mountains we were passing by. Each one was different, but each had its own beauty and majesty. There were the short tree covered mountains. There were the tall, ragged, bald-topped mountains.

The valley spreading out around us was teaming with life...sagebrush, cows, flowers. I was in awe of the beauty that was so close to my home. I am truly blessed to live where I do. As I was getting into this attitude of gratitude and feeling the awe of the beauties around me, my dad slowed the truck and trailer down and pulled off the road onto the narrow shoulder.

The tire on the truck wasn't on tight enough, it was rubbing and we had knocked off one of the pegs that keep the tire ON the truck. (Not a good sign!) Chalk it up to another bad thing that had happened this weekend.

Just to make this post short (because it could get LONG winded) I'm going to hit the highlights.

Friday:
Left with plenty of daylight, perfect for setting up tents.
Eating dinner with my abandoned cousins. (Their mom and step-dad went out for "date night" without telling them.)
Collapse into our cozy beds for a cold nights' sleep.

Saturday:
Wake up to a freezing morning.
Two hunter-men leave when the day is FREEZING.
After breakfast leave for our shopping trip to Salmon.
Buy WAY more stuff than we really needed! (Coat, shoes, chair, wind chimes...)
Cam breaks out in a rash, determine that it's hives.
Buy him some Benedryl.
Go back to camp to find more family has arrived.
Start preparations for dinner, only to find that my mom's trailer has some MAJOR issues (propane tank is leaking and there is a short from the generator to the trailer.)
Dad comes back early from hunting with heat stroke.
Uncle who was with him found him JUST in time.
As dad rehydrates and cools off, find that he has a flat tire on his truck.
Uncle fixes flat and helps cook chicken in dutch ovens.
Charcoal is NOT heating properly, must have bought a bad batch...seriously contemplating writing harshly worded letter to the company.
My jello salad is NOT set up...because there is NO power to the trailer I made it in.
Sit around the campfire and hear true stories about the scary people who live in my apartment complex.
Falling exhausted into bed for another cold night.

Sunday:
Take shower with Cam (who HATES showers and bawls the entire time.)
Get dressed and go to church.
Sit with Cam in Primary, because he doesn't want to be left alone.
Sneak away when he leaves for class.
Get back together for Sacrament meeting at the end of the block and find that Cam is tired and whiny...he bawls because he wants to sit with grandma, but his bratty uncle won't let him.
He takes his anger out on me...which means INSTANT removal from chapel.
Sit in the foyer with Cameron on my lap, making him fold his arms...in the process I'm getting kicked, slapped and eventually, BIT!
Make a bee-line for the abandoned Primary room where we have choice words.
Settle down and enjoy the rest of the meeting.
Go back to camp and nap in 100 degree tent.
Try to make dinner again, but have the SAME problems with the charcoal.
Dad leaves to deposit bucket of bear bait with crazy man.
Worry about dad with the crazy man...will he kill him? (I'm paranoid...can you tell?)
Dad comes back safe.
All gather to play fun new game of Tip of the Tongue...laughter ensues for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours...
Talk around the campfire...look up to the sparkling stars and wonder what husband is doing at that moment (probably working his graveyard shift.)
Watch pop cans disintegrate in EXTREME heat of fire (so cool!)
Crash around midnight.

Monday:
Discover that after bear baiting Dad's truck now has ANOTHER flat tire.
Take tires into town to be repaired.
Put on truck and get ready to leave.
Eat breakfast, clean up camp and say good byes to family.
Hear rumbling noises as we leave town, pull over while dad worries that there are MORE flat tires.
Tires are "fine," continue on.
Get 40 miles out on the road, when grinding gets worse.
Pull over to find that the peg things on the rear wheel are busting off and the whole tire is loose.
End up losing 3 pegs before calling it quits....sit on the side of the road for 15 minutes.
Grandparents pull up (trailer-less) help by going to call AAA.
Sit in truck watching DVD, napping, and eating lunch.
Grandparents return with news that AAA only tows vehicles 10 miles...not gonna work.
Devise a NEW plan...tow trailer home on grandparents' vehicle.
YAY for small miracles.
Arrive in town and unpack!

Yes, it was eventful, but we were SO blessed. Just thinking about what could have happened if things hadn't been exactly as they were. We were being watched over, and I'm so grateful for that!

The funny part was that every morning Cameron would wake up when the sun came up. I would try to ignore the heat and light and sleep some more, but Cam would pop his head out of his bag and say, "Mama? Mama!? Mama, the sun is up...it's time to wake up." The first thought that came to my mind when he said that was, "Who told you that? And WHY!?" My son: early to bed and early to rise. Where did I get such a sensible child?

What a Holiday!

Tonight I sat with my husband and son, watching the brightly colored lights, listening to the strains of my favorite patriotic song and tears were rolling down my slightly sunburned cheeks. I am SO blessed!

Today I felt so truly grateful to those men and women who have given their lives for me to live in a country where I can be free. It all started this morning where we sat with cousins and other family members to watch our city's parade. It wasn't that impressive. But the fun part was when a mouse decided to run through the people and see if it could get a good view of the parade. You could tell where the mouse had been because there were people standing and screaming at the top of their lungs. Steve called it a forced "wave!" The mouse was one of the BEST parts of the parade. (Sad, but true!)

Then we went to my grandparents' house for a "weenie roast." I laughed and had fun, but not nearly as much fun as the kids did! One of my cousin's brought her kiddie pools and my mom said, "Hey! We've got a slip-n-slide...we could bring that!" So they had my brother bring it over for the kids' enjoyment. They had SO much fun with it. I was even asked a few times to recreate my belly flop from a few weeks ago...I politely declined. We had such fun, laughing and just enjoying one another's company.

Then the end to our fun day was the biggest show west of the Mississippi. (I know some other cities boast the same thing, but I did say it was the "biggest," not necessarily the "best!") The wind began to pick up and we worried that they may have to stop the show, but they managed to finish without having to stop. Once the show was done, the wind REALLY picked up! It was an amazing end to an amazing day! Even now some people are setting off their illegal fireworks in our neighborhood. I hope they end it soon...booming is not fun to try and sleep through! I hope you all had a day that was as great as mine!

Spiritual Awakening

For the past two weeks upon coming home from an exhausting workout at church I've settled onto my comfy couch and watched KBYU. I have found a NEW way to unwind! On any normal day I'll flip through my channels and quickly pass by this untapped resource. Normally I'm just trying to keep Cam entertained so that I can go on to do other things. But on that first Sunday after they changed up my world I decided, "Why not attempt to get back what I feel I've lost this day, and see where it gets me."

My husband was sacked out on the sofa, Cam had wandered upstairs to play in his room, and I got carried away on a spiritual high. I just love those days when I can feel the Spirit so strongly that I don't want to stop learning and growing. I don't even remember exactly what the point of the speaker's talk was, all I know is that I was loving this education that I was getting in my own home!

Then this last Sunday I came home, not nearly as exhausted as before, but pretty spent, and I did the same thing. Husband in the same position, son in the same position, why not mom in the same? I had a hard time pulling myself away from the things that they were showing! The speaker that drew me in this week was talking about romantic love versus eternal love. I was in hog heaven! I learned a lot about myself and what I expect from my husband...the poor guy! Anyway, I hadn't learned that much since my favorite/hardest class I took at Ricks College. Unfortunately that feeling was fleeting, I had to take my poor hard-working husband to work and I was going to join my siblings for Sunday dinner. After a fun day with my family, I came home, got Cam settled into bed and quickly turned that channel back on. I was back to my spiritual plane. My sweetheart came home, looking like the world had run him over, and then backed up and did it again, so I invited him into my world. I rubbed his aching feet while we listened to more spiritual truths. It was so nice and "romantic." I think I will try more often to invite that Spirit into my life....it makes me so much happier...and there's nothing better than that!

Life really is good

I went to a WONDERFUL women's conference at our church today. When I woke up this morning I was VERY tempted to stay home and sleep in, but I had canceled some other plans to go, so I got ready and went. I got to the chapel and ladies from my ward immediately squooshed on the bench to make room for me. I chatted with some of the people that I hadn't seen for a while and then the meeting started. Reading the program I thought it would be long and boring. I should really learn not to judge things by their covers! They had a main speaker from the local leadership who was the featured speaker, but he was last on the program. They had 3 musical numbers and four speakers who were before him. I hate to admit it, but I enjoyed the women who spoke more than the featured speaker. They spoke directly to my heart. I was so touched and felt the motivation to change myself to become more like them. It was so great. While I was at the meeting I finally felt the peace that I've been searching for.

I was invited to a wedding last night and I had a rough time accepting the marriage. This is my aunt's third marriage and I felt he was the biggest loser of all of her previous husbands. The thing is that a few years ago she lived in the same apartment building as we do, and one morning I got a frantic call from her to come and help her and bring someone with me. So I hurried upstairs to wake my husband up and we RAN down to her place. Long story short I saved her from being beaten up by this guy. He even tried to convince me that she was the one who was beating him up. Ever since then I've been struggling with her choice of this guy and my hatred of him. I know that I shouldn't be so unforgiving and stubborn, but I feel a protectiveness over her that is hard to ignore. I've been praying and praying for help to overcome my feelings for this guy. My aunt is constantly telling us that he's changed and that they are working together to fix their problems and that he's a completely different man. So when I found out that he was going to marry her I can't describe the feelings that I felt. I was so upset with her for going back to that loser and mad that he was still such a big part of her life. I finally have come to terms with the choices that she has made and I think I can finally forgive her husband and move on with my life. I've decided that I can't judge him. I believe that Christ atoned for everyone's sins and if I truly believe that then I have to give my aunt's husband the benefit of the doubt and hope and believe that he has truly changed and is responsible for his own actions. And today,at the meeting I went to,I felt the rest of that hatred that I was clinging to leave me. I can't describe the peace I feel. Forgiveness doesn't just feel great when someone forgives you, it can feel just as wonderful to forgive and release those burdensome feelings.

Forgiveness is the mightiest sword

I can't tell you how happy I am right now. I think I worried about my friend not responding too much. I got a call from her last night. She told me some very personal experiences and then turned around and told me that it was unnecessary for me to beg for anything from her. When she said that a HUGE weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I felt free. Free enough to almost fly. The wonderful thing about the whole situation is that we immediately picked up where we had left off in our friendship. I know that God had a hand in the whole thing and I am so grateful right now that he does look after us and helps heal our aches and hurts.