This last weekend I bought a book that I have to admit is probably one of my MOST favorite books EVER!! I find myself underlining favorite or appropriate things and making notes in the margins. I LOVE this book.
"How to Hug a Porcupine" by Dr. John L. Lund is my NEW love.
I have to admit, I bought this book HOPING to fix those Porcupines in my life. I have several people in my life that I feel are toxic or behave in toxic ways. (A porcupine is anyone who has toxic personality traits.) Instead of ONLY finding them in these pages, I'm finding my OWN toxic traits...and it's scary! I don't want to be a porcupine! I want to be a fluffy muskrat.
The number one thing that I've learned from reading this book is: "The ONLY person I can change is me. I cannot change ANY toxic person, I may persuade or love them, but I cannot make them change."
It's SO fascinating. I've had my eyes opened and I am LOVING it.
For example, did you know toxic people cannot or will not give you the validation that you want? They'll also with hold love to assert their power over any given situation. They will chose a "favored one," so that the rest of the people that they deal with have hope to one day BE that favored one. And something I've always said, "You do it because I said so," is a forerunner to rebellion.
I'm learning that I really DO have a good relationship with my husband (despite what other people think) and that the way I've BEEN treating the porcupines in my life has been appropriate.
There are things that I've learned that I'm SURE will take time to sink in and for me to understand. Some of those are that love and trust are NOT the same thing. That the "art of parenting is not the art of hanging on, but the art of letting go."And that I really need to transfer responsibility to my children for their own behaviors and emotions.
Now, mind you, I'm only half-way through this book. I've read chapters about how to identify emotional porcupines and what some other people have done to deal with these emotional porcupines. NOW I'm at the point where he's giving me the "armor" I need to protect myself from these emotional porcupines.
It's SO fascinating, and SO helpful! I'm SO glad that this book was recommended to me (by several sources) and that I listened to them.