Thursday, April 29, 2010

Love Story, Part 4

Fall 1998:
I signed up to live in the dorms. I didn't know anyone who would be living there too, but I wanted to live the full experience. I got my assignment and was relieved that I was given my second choice of housing options.
I moved in as soon as I could. After my mom left, I was somber. It suddenly hit me that I was on my own. I was in a place that I didn't know many people, and I was BY MYSELF. My roommate hadn't arrived yet, and so I spent a lot of time in my room crying. I was SO homesick, it was ridiculous.
I took a walk around my floor and was shocked to find that a high school friend was there too. She and I reconnected, and I instantly had a friend.
That first semester, I talked a LOT about Cody, and how I missed him. Looking back, I realize that I just missed the companionship that he had provided. My friends were getting sick of hearing about him.
And yes, I eventually got over my homesickness and made many friends. I was out-going, and happy. I did the things I wanted to do, and learned that I am a very happy person.
A few weeks into the school year, I got a large bouquet of flowers. When I saw them, I was thrilled. I wondered who would send me something so pretty. I hoped that it was a guy in my ward, but soon found it was from Cody. He asked me in the note if I would like to be his girlfriend. That note gave me a lump in my throat. I knew it was time to cut ties with Cody, because I was on the edge of something new and exciting. Several options were opened to me, and I knew that being tied to Cody would hinder those. I didn't know how to do it either. For the whole summer, our "relationship" had been kind and almost TOO polite (if that's possible.) Later that week, Cody came to visit me, he couldn't have come on a worse day. I was writhing in pain, having a gall bladder attack. I literally spent the day on my bed rolling from side to side, trying to find relief. He sat on my desk chair and just watched me the whole day. One of my friends sat with me, worried about my pain, and she helped me out. Eventually, she left for her own classes, and I was alone with Cody, he awkwardly asked me about the flowers. I told him that they were gorgeous, but that I didn't feel comfortable being his girlfriend at that time.
I don't think I was blunt enough. I should have said, "Not now, maybe not ever." (I know, mean huh?)
Eventually, he heard about how I'd come to town, for a VERY quick trip, and I hadn't gotten ahold of him, so he stopped pursuing me.
I had another guy on my mind that older guy in the ward, who was funny, and nice. I thought the sun rose and set in his eyes. He was very handsome, and I was smitten. I tried to be his friend, which actually worked, only that's ALL I ever was with him. JUST friends. I watched him pine for another girl, and I tried to support him and be *that* friend, but it was SO hard.
He soon became all I talked about, and again, my lovely friends put up with my talk.
Soon enough, it was Christmas break, and I was dreading going home, away from the life I had started. But I went home anyway, hoping that when I came back things would change.

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