When the Mind Wanders....

....it's just too hard for my body to settle down to sleep. Right now, it's 2:00 in the morning and I just cannot sleep. My mind feels like it's on over-drive and I feel wide awake and not even sleepy, at all.

I've been thinking about how truly grateful I am for my little family. I am so glad that I was blessed to be the mother of these two energetic little boys and that I was given the opportunity to not only teach them, but to learn from them.

With Cameron, I've had to learn patience and accepting things that are hard. For a while now, I've wondered how far Cam will advance in his learning and growth. For many years now he's been stuck around the same mental age. It's very disheartening. Instead of being the typical 9 year old boy, he's on the same level as a 5 year old. It's frustrating to me and I'm sure to him.

I'm frustrated that he still hasn't grasped the concept of reading. This is terribly frustrating because I SO love to read. I read a lot, and I know he and Jake have seen me read for fun. But when I sit down with Cameron to help him sound out words, he just doesn't get it. He can make the sounds that all of the letters make, but he can't figure out how to put them together to form a word.

I've been wondering if my life will be spent trying to take care of Cameron's many needs and that I will forever have a 5 year old in my life. I love him SO much and wish SO badly for him to have an independent life, but right now, I just don't know if that will ever be possible.

With Jacob, I've had to learn to enjoy the small things and to stick to what I say. For the most part, Jake is a VERY happy child. He loves making others laugh, and finds joy in the simplest things. You show that boy a basketball and he is giddy for a WEEK! He thinks making the adults around him laugh is a huge accomplishment. For example, this week, he was eating dinner at the table, it was just him and Steve. Suddenly, Jake farted. He looked up at Steve and said, completely serious, "I fahted!" We've been laughing since.

But that sweet side has a very stubborn side. I've known since before this child was born that he was going to do things HIS way. My NSTs were HUGE pains, mostly because Jake wouldn't cooperate by sitting still and letting the nurses get a good reading. I was in the hospital for HOURS on end just trying to get a decent reading. His stubborn streak is still strong.

His new love is going outside to play in his truck and with his basketball. Since our neighborhood is scary and the fact that we don't really have a yard to play in, we have to play at Grandma's house. I don't mind it too much, and neither does Grandma (in fact, she worries if we DON'T show up!!) When we get to Grandma's house, instead of going inside to say hi and let her know we're there, Jake insists on playing with his truck. I've had to literally drag the kid into the house for a few minutes, just so I can drop off my diaper bag before he can play. Then when it's time to leave, because he loves it so much, he will scream (high-pitched, bloody-murder type scream) and kick and flail until he can scamper away for more play time. He honestly thinks that he's boss and very much in charge.

I've had to take things away from him and force him to do what he's supposed to, and it's NOT been easy. I worry that I'll forever be in a battle of wills with this child.

These little boys are SUCH a blessing to me, and I'm so grateful for them and the lessons they teach me. I only hope that I can be a good mommy to them, and teach them what THEY need to learn.