Monday, March 01, 2010

Lessons in Mothering

Sleep is far from my mind. My brain is swirling with the things I've learned at church. It was a truly great day for me. I felt the Spirit SO much, and I felt prompted in the things I've been struggling with.
First off, the sacrament meeting speakers touched on things I'm not doing, but should be. The first one spoke of consistency in the little things (prayer and scripture study). I do pray, constantly, but my personal scripture study has fallen by the wayside since I finished my goal last year to read the Book of Mormon. I need to do better.
Then in Sunday School we talked about the parallels between the story of Abraham and Isaac and Christ. The one thing that hit me was that when Abraham was commanded to sacrifice Isaac he didn't complain, he did it obediently with no other words. What a great example of obedience.
And finally, in Relief Society we discussed Dallin H. Oaks' talk about Love and Law, how Heavenly Father is bound by laws, but that doesn't change his love. I tried to apply this to my parenting style. I've felt like SUCH a failure as a mother at the end of a trying day. I've felt discouraged when my sweet son gets SO angry with me that he storms upstairs, slams his bedroom door, and screams, "I HATE YOU!" (This was NOT what I had expected my life as a mother to be.)
The teacher, who is someone I've looked up to for a VERY long time, was talking about how Heavenly Father can't make everything in life "fair." He can't give EVERYONE the exact same things, because THAT wouldn't be fair. Then she drew a parallel between my Cameron and her son. Cameron has some pretty severe delays, he still has problems with his speech, and he can't read. Her son, on the other hand, is a typical child, and has no problems with his speech or reading in the same way that Cameron does. She was saying that we can't ask them both to do the exact same tasks, because it wouldn't be fair to either one. (Of course, as she was talking, I had already been thinking about this and completely agreed. But I felt the Spirit SO strongly, that I was bawling....) I wasn't offended, in fact, I learned SO much in that one thought that I feel like I should have learned YEARS ago.
Lesson 1: My Cameron is different. He cannot be held to the same standards as *typical* children. He can't compete, and that is okay.
Lesson 2: His delays make him more compassionate and loving. He is FAR closer to being like Jesus and Heavenly Father than I am.
Lesson 3: Even if he never "catches up" to his peers, he needs to be loved and treated well.
(See, these things are "duh" things, but things I've never really taken the time to THINK about.)
On the flip-side, I also learned some things about parenting Jake.
Lesson 1: Just as Cameron is special, so is Jake. They may not be special in the same way, but they both have great talents and abilities that are theirs alone.
Lesson 2: It wouldn't be fair to Jake OR Cameron to hold both boys to the same standards. They're different and learn differently.
Lesson 3: Both of my boys, even WITH their differences, have a great ability to love without boundaries or limits. They're a great example to ME of how to love unconditionally.
Lesson 4: I need to love both boys and parent them individually, because they are individuals.
My eyes were opened, and I am SO grateful for the Spirit that taught me SO much about me and my family. I just need to remember these lessons....always!


Kim said...

I have to be to work in 37 minutes for our Monday a.m. meeting and have yet to shower or anything else other than wake up, but I thought I'd take a gander at your blog. I'm glad I did. I think that at times when we least expect it, God reaches us in the most simpliest, yet powerful of ways. I'm so happy that you had such a "good" day yesterday. Cam is a WONDERFUL kid! and Jake is growing into a sweet little boy! I am often at awe at how you juggle the differences between the two of them with such pizazz :) You are one heck of a mommy!

Elena said...

I loved church yesterday too. Of course I didn't get to hear the adult lessons, but sacrament was enough for me. I pulled my scriptures out last night to get my 5 tiny minutes of reading in and surprised myself when I looked up and 15 had passed. That was easy. Why haven't I been doing that all along?

Deanna said...

You know, I am right there with ya...All the meetings yesterday were wonderful. My children were surpirzingly well behaved, and I felt the Spirit closer than I have at church for a while...I was almost to the point of thinking "Why do I even come if I can't hear the lessons?!" you know? Anyways, I agree with you.

And you are a FABULOUS mother!!! Don't EVER, EVER, EV.ER Doubt that!!! :)

Mattsmom said...

These are important lessons for all of us. Thank you so much for sharing them.