Ever Have One of Those Sundays??

Do you ever have one of those Sundays where EVERYTHING you hear at church seems directed at you? Every prayer, every talk, every lesson seems applicable to YOUR life? This was my Sunday.

Sacrament Meeting went well. Lately I've tried to make a conscious effort to concentrate on the Savior during the passing of the sacrament, and today, it just totally slipped my mind. When the deacons were returning the water trays, I remember thinking to myself, "Wait! I forgot! Can I have a do-over?"

Once the speakers started, I DID get my do-over. The first speaker talked about being Christ's hands and responding quickly to promptings. He talked about how we say our prayers praying for someone to help us and they come and DO help us, why can't we be the answer to someone else's prayer?

Then our choir sang one of my favorite songs, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing." I sang with the choir, and before going up I warned my boys to be good....Jake followed us up onto the stand and then stood at the front and peeked over the edge. Nice, my son is the ward's entertainment.

The second talk was about forgiveness. I come from a long line of grudge holders, and have perfected this trait myself. In fact, I've been struggling lately, but I haven't really mentioned it here, but I will now, because I need some help and perspective to get past it.

About a month ago, on one of our many Family Home Evenings, I had a blow up with my step-grandma. She is constantly telling me what to do, and treating me like a little kid. She's not very nice about it, and acts like she's my mom and I'm an incapable child. Well, that night, she tried to tell me something (at the same time that my own mother was telling me the SAME thing) and I got frustrated. I've held in my true feelings for years. And unfortunately, I blew up. I yelled and screamed and basically acted like a baby. I told her that I was an adult, and that I did NOT need her to tell me what to do. I can take care of my own family and she didn't need to get in the middle of it.

Now, the message is one that she might need to hear (since she is a butt-insky and is always trying to micromanage everyone around her....) but my presentation was HORRIBLE! I felt terrible. I wanted to apologize to her for yelling, but not for my message. So after consulting with some friends, I decided to email her my apology, but tell her that I will not put up with her treatment of me anymore. I meant what I said, but that I felt bad about yelling and acting like a little kid.

That was the single most SCARIEST moment of my life. I did NOT want to hurt her feelings, but I felt like I needed to stand up for myself and let her know where I stood. A week went by...she had not responded. I felt like things were going to be okay, and she was just going to let this blow over. I was relieved that we were "okay."

Unfortunately that is NOT how it ended. By the end of the week she had sent me a very nasty email saying that I was a horrible mother and wife and that she needed to tell me what to do because I was so incapable of doing it on my own.

I was hurt and angry. (Truth be told, I'm STILL hurt and angry.)

I have not seen NOR spoken to her since then.....it's very odd, and I have guilt that she is keeping herself from the rest of my family because of me.

When I heard the forgiveness talk today I KNEW that it was Heavenly Father's way of telling me that it is time to forgive her and move on. I just don't know how....it's so hard to forgive someone who refuses to forgive me (yes, in the email she told me that she will NEVER forgive me....) and someone who treats me and my family so badly. (I've been thinking over and over at how she treats my sweet Cameron....and it brings Mama Bear out EVERY time.) Someone told me that I need to let go and stop stewing over her, especially when I haven't seen her or talked to her in such a long time. That it is Satan trying to get me into his nets.

I admit that I should, but I am SO good at holding grudges. I mean, I'm amazing at holding grudges.

All through his talk I felt the Spirit tell me, "You need to forgive her. Forgiveness will make you feel so much better and you know it."

I know I do, and so in the middle of that talk, I said a small prayer that I will be able to find a way to forgive her.

Sunday School was great as well. The teacher spoke of parables and how we need to change ourselves to be receptive to truths. (Hello, I must need to do a lot of changing, because forgiveness is one of my weaknesses....)

Relief Society was probably the place where I was touched the most. I will tell you, I love my ward. LOVE them. And I've been trying to sit in different parts of the room to get to know every body and to switch things up. I sat by one of my favorite people and settled in to enjoy the lesson. Our opening song was "As Sisters in Zion." Again, a hymn that I love and that means SO much to me. I didn't have a book, so I felt the power of the words coming through my heart. It was very special.

Then the lesson was about Charity. This is something I wish I had a better grasp of. Charity is something I wish that I had for everyone, but I've been learning that I am very judgmental and I don't love everyone the same way Christ does. I've been trying to change. It's started a while ago with my younger brother, who has made so many wrong choices. One day I commented that something he loves is for "weird people" and he chastened me by saying "no, it's for people who are judged...." I have been quick to judge first and not to love as quickly. I've tried to change this about myself, and can truly feel stronger love for my brother.

During the lesson today I realized, "Charity is the answer to your forgiveness.... You need to learn to love your step-grandma the way that Christ does. Not only do you need to find Charity in your heart for her, but you need to share this love with your husband and children. They are the ones who are most deserving of your love and understanding. Treat them ALL better and you will be happier."

I spent the remainder of the lesson in tears and being chastened by the Spirit. (The teacher didn't make the lesson out to be one where you feel bad, in fact, she did an amazing job! I just took the truths she was teaching and applied them to my situations.) The closing hymn in Relief Society was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's version of "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus." As I think back to that song, I'm tearing up. It was beautiful and so true....we need to" love one another as Jesus loves [us]. Try to show kindness in all that [we] do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, for these are the things Jesus taught." It shouldn't be so hard, it should be simple and easy to follow in his footsteps.

I've tried applying these lessons into dealing with my children, and while I have fallen a few times (yes, I've failed a few times in the last few hours since church...) things are going SO well. My boys aren't going to turn to me immediately, but I believe that if I love them with the "pure love of Christ" then things will be better and I will be happier.

The best part of the day came after the closing prayer. My favorite lady, that I sat by, leaned over and said to me (while the tears were pouring down my cheeks...) "I want you to know, that whenever people mention 'Dawnyel,' I hear nothing but good things. You are so sweet and we all just love having you here." Could there not be a better way to end the day?

So many lessons learned in such a short amount of time. It's been a fantastic Sunday.

Always Remember

When Plans Don't Go as They Should

I have been a planner, well, in the general sense, my whole life. I've always had the dream of what I wanted my life to be like. I knew I wanted to be married to a wonderful man in the Temple. I knew that I always wanted to have kids, no more than 3 years apart in age. And I KNEW that I would always be deliriously happy if I followed my basic plan.

As the years have passed, things have NOT always gone as I planned, but there are a few things that I now know.

I KNOW that I am happily married to my sweet husband, in the Temple. We don't always get along or see eye to eye, but we DO eventually work through things and we're happy...most of the time.

I know that having my two sweet boys eight years apart was NOT part of my plan, but it was the right timing for me. (Heavenly Father KNEW what he was doing, not that I understand completely now, but one day I will know.)

I wish that I could have all the things I wanted and had planned for, but for now, I'm trying to find solace in the knowledge that I'm doing what my Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. HE knows all. Even when I whine and complain, He knows what's best FOR ME. And my downer feelings (which I'm feeling now) are just for a short time, and hopefully one day I will see and feel the reasons why things are happening the way they are.

I'm NO Maid...

For a VERY long time, I've wanted my house to be cleaner, but I am NOT, in any way, shape or form, a good housekeeper. My house has always been a little dirtier than I would like, and dishes and bathrooms were the BANE of my existence. I had just resigned myself to always having a messy house.

Then I heard about FlyLady, and I decided to give it a go, especially after one of my friends told me that after a week of trying this method she had a BUNCH of kids over to play and wasn't worried about cleaning or how her house looked. I WANTED that. I figured that if it didn't work, then I'd have at least tried.

So I went to the website and signed up. I have been trying this for about a month now, and even though my house isn't EXACTLY how I wanted, it is SO much cleaner than I had ever hoped.

Not only that, but I'm happier. I get up every day and get dressed (to the shoes, or slippers...I guess I'm not QUITE flying yet...) and I'm ready. Who knew that just a few simple things would make me happier.

My sink is shiny (a BIG thing for me) my counters in my kitchen are clutter and even DISH free. It feels GREAT to go in there and make dinner (which I have always dreaded...) or to do dishes. My bed is made and makes my room look WAY cleaner than it really is. I've even felt inspired to beautify my surroundings, even though I'm only renting. I've hung curtains on EVERY window in our apartment, and it feels more homey. I still have a long way to go until I'm completely flying, but for now, I'm doing VERY well, and I'm happy. Baby steps work! And I can DO anything!

New Plan...NEW Hope

After losing my mind last night, and needing to be talked down by a friend (Thanks, Jenn!) I've decided that just doing the bedtime snack is not enough. He needs more.

It seems like when he cries out at night, it's because he wants ME to go to bed (and his bedtime is 8:00, and I don't usually go to bed until after midnight...so there's NO way I'm letting him stay awake until midnight. He's such a bear after a long night. And there's no way I'm giving up MY nights because Cam says so....) He also seems to cry because he's afraid, but we aren't sure of WHAT! He says "monsters," but he KNOWS monsters aren't real.

Tonight's ALL new and improved plan:

We have a check list. On the list is things like: Go potty, read stories, hugs and kisses, prayers...as he does each item, we'll check it off.

Once he's in his room we got him a few "fun" things. I took him to the store today and let him pick out his OWN flashlight. He picked a little red "Cars" one. We then got a small boom box to play Primary CDs on.

When we got home, I told him that his flashlight has a "special" spot for safe-keeping, under his pillow. I also set up the CD player with his choice of Primary music next to his pillow.

We've discussed what will happen to either or both of these new things if he screams and yells, or if he sits at the top of the stairs and falls asleep there.

I'm hopeful. This sounds like it MAY work.

Update to come!

Wishful Thinking?

Twice in the last week I've had very summer-y dreams. Both of them took place at amusement parks.

In the first one, I went with my family to our favorite park. (Just a few hours away...and SOOO much fun!) While we were there, I HAD to go on my favorite loopy-loop roller-coaster. I got in (and for some reason, none of my family was with me on the ride.) and we took off. As the ride started, everything was fine. We went through the first loop and then the ride broke down and we were stuck at the bottom (not upside-down *phew*) of the second loop. For some reason the people running the ride wouldn't let us get off. It was a LONG dream, but that's all I remember of it.

Then last night, I had another amusement park-y dream. In THIS one I was with my family (again) at a different place. I don't even think it exists... We were at someone's house, I think. ANYWAY, they had a maze of red water-slides. The slides would tangle around each other and you would race other families to get to the bottom fastest. They had cameras installed in each tube and if you weren't racing, you could watch each team's progress. I didn't go down the tube (I think I used Jake as my excuse) and watched as my family raced down the tube in a comfy couch. The couch was teal green and not really waterproof, or even MEANT to be in the tube, but it was there. And nicely enough, the tube was large enough for the couch and possibly 3 or 4 more couches to fit in it. You knew who won because at the end of the tube a sensor was set up with a cascading waterfall. It looked almost like the film a bubble makes on a wand before you blow a bubble. So as my family is racing down the tube, they realized half-way through that the couch was slowing them down, so they all jumped off (and the couch stayed IN the tube) and they finished...coming in 2nd, I think.

Anyway, all of these warmer weather dreams are getting to me. Happily I think it will be a warmer day today. No sign of snow so far. *knock on wood* I just think it's funny that my mind is taking me on summer vacation already! *giggle*

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On a quick side-note, I LOVED Conference this last weekend. It was SO wonderful to hear from our leaders and get their support and happy words. (I fell asleep during one FULL session...my dad thought Steve was snoring when it was me! :S) What I did hear was great, and very positive.

Have I mentioned how much I love hearing from a prophet on the Earth? He's such a wonderful man! :) And I whole-heartedly agree that the music in each session was BEAUTIFUL!! I'm so glad that during one session they sang one of MY favorites (and apparently one of President Monson's favorites) "Consider the Lillies."

*sigh* I'm a little sad it's over, but I can't wait to get my Ensign and read the messages again!

Poor Cam though, he did complain, quite loudly, that he would rather go to church because, "I love my class, mama!" ;)

New President

Cameron said to me, "Mom, do you know who the new president is?"

Me: "Yes...."

Cameron: "President Monson! I watched it on tv at school today...."

I quickly corrected him, telling him that the new president of the country is President Obama, NOT President Monson. *giggle* I'm sure he was confused for a few minutes!

I do have to say, even though I'm COMPLETELY anti-political ANYTHING, I have been glued to the inauguration coverage today. I hope that the new president can help fix the problems that currently plague our country, I will be praying for his success. And as a note to former President Bush....I appreciate the way he turned over power to his successor. He was friendly and helpful, and even if you don't think his political decisions were very smart or correct, you can't help but admire the way he worked with President Obama in the transfer of power. I truly appreciate the fact that beyond ALL political lines, the man can do the right thing.

Now on to the future.....may it be MUCH better, MUCH sooner! *crossing fingers and praying for success*

Happy New Year!

The last year wasn't a bad one for us, but here's hoping that 2009 will bring all the happiness everyone who reads this deserves!! :)

Hope

Yesterday was Cam's IEP amendment meeting, and it went REALLY well. I had actually run into his teacher at church on Saturday, and talked about a few concerns I had (a little girl, who is Cam's bestest buddy flipped him off in pictures he took when he took his digital camera for show and tell, Cam INSISTING on taking a certain thing to school, telling me that his teacher said he HAD to have it, and I had NO idea about any of it...) So I felt somewhat prepared for our little meeting.
And just for your information, the teacher had a good talking to with Cam's friend about flipping people off, and we all just LAUGHED over Cam's insisting that he HAD to take an optional item to school. (I didn't believe him, so I made him get a teacher's note...which he DID get!)

Anyway, the news is that he will be getting speech services, but they will focus on his language/grammar skills. (My son says a lot, but he gets his pronouns and tenses mixed up.) Then his teacher told me that even though he's the youngest in DACC (the ages range from 1st grade to 3rd grade) he's picking up the things the OLDER kids are learning. If they're working on a new word, he's learning it. If they're working on addition, he's watching and picking it up. In no way is he in the same range as his peers, but he is advancing faster than expected. And THAT makes me happy and full of hope!

Shhh...Be VERY VERY Quiet....We're House Hunting

I've had it with my apartment life....I'm on the hunt for a house of my own. Steve and I have been looking for YEARS, but not really finding anything. Well, this week we're doing something about it!!

On Friday we looked at a CUTE house, but we weren't really thrilled about the amount of work it would take to make it a home. (Although, of the houses we've seen, it's my favorite!)

And after that adventure, we were OFF to find our home. My requirements are QUITE specific, and I WON'T budge!! It MUST have either a basement OR a garage, both would be nice, but I want a place where I can store my junk....NOT at a storage place. It must have room for 3 or more bedrooms. When I move into my house, I don't want to move....EVER again!! And it must be under our allotted amount.

So far, I've found a few possibilities, and I'm pretty excited to call the woman who's willing to help us out. There's one house I looked at online and it looks AMAZING for the price that's being asked. I'm not hoping for TOO much, but I think I've already fallen in love with this house.

Wish us luck! :)