Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Love Story, Part 2

After high school I signed up for college where I had HIGH hopes of snagging a husband. Unfortunately, that's not what happened.
I also worked at Kmart and had crushes on a few of the employees. One was TOTALLY wrong for me, in every single way. (He didn't fit ANY of my previously thought out requirements for a husband.) He was cute, older and flirted with a lonely girl, working the food counter. I would fantasise about him sweeping me off of my feet, and being my prince charming. I knew that it was a long shot, but I still dreamed.
Then there was another guy. Sweet guy, but not QUITE fitting the attributes on my list. I knew that he was a member of the church, and that he was a good guy. I would stalk his check-out lane several times a day. I knew my behavior was creepy, but this was a decent man...I KNEW that we were destined (again, with that word...)
I eventually dragged a friend of mine to the store to meet my current crush, and even though I was enamored with him, I couldn't ask him out. Finally, sick of waiting for me to open my mouth, she asked him out FOR me. I thought nothing of it. The three of us would hang out, and it was fun.
Life continued on. I took classes at Ricks, and instead of living in town, I commuted. THIS was the WORST experience of my life. I literally lived out of the back-seat of my '71 Pontiac Bonneville. I tried to do all the college-type things that my friends were doing, but I just wasn't feeling involved in school.
I remembered hearing from some members of my ward that they'd met their future spouses in "Dating and Marriage Prep" and I felt that was the path for me too. I signed up for the class and hoped for the best. On the first day of class I was shocked. There were 30 women, and only 4 men. I still held out hope that my soul-mate was there.
I do NOT regret taking that class. It was the hardest class I have EVER had. (I know, you don't think that "dating and marriage prep" would be difficult, but you would be wrong.) The first day of class our teacher told us, "Most of you in this class will NEVER get married. You need to accept this fact."
It was like a slap upside the head. I had NEVER thought that marriage would pass me by. I always knew, deep down in my heart, that I would marry, have kids and live the dream. This statement was something that just threw me for a loop.
After accepting that I may never be married, I started to re-evaluate my life. I learned a LOT about myself that single semester. I learned that I can be a strong woman and rely on my own merits. I learned that you don't NEED another person to validate your existence. I am the only person in charge of my life, and I needed to like me, because I was going to spend a LOT of time with myself.
Around this time, my friend, who had asked my crush out, started DATING my crush. Needless to say, I was devastated. She KNEW my feelings and yet, she was ignoring them. I was hurt beyond belief. This only helped me throw myself further into discovering who Dawnyel really was.
By the end of that semester at Ricks I'd learned several life lessons that have since stayed with me. First lesson, I needed to like me. Second lesson, I was NOT enjoying life at Ricks College, and I needed a change. Third lesson, You can't always trust your friends.
I was ready for a bigger change. I took a semester off of school, and then I applied for school at Idaho State University. This time I would LIVE in town and I would take full advantage of the college life.

No comments: