Over Christmas break I was a mess. I kept whining that I missed my friends, and specifically that one guy... My mom, being the great lady she is, listened to my whining and allowed me to talk it out. Eventually I cheered up and was ready for the holidays.
When the break was over, I was BEYOND ready to go back to school. But now I had a problem, I had no money for my housing. I had used loans to pay for my first semester, and I had no more money....I was completely broke. I talked with my mom, who actually encouraged me to stay home for the semester and ride the bus. I did NOT want to commute, EVER again. I also knew that if I stayed home, I would miss out on a lot of the fun activities that come with being a typical college student. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt compelled to stay in the dorms especially FOR that semester, I cried when I thought about NOT being there. I knew, beyond any doubt, that I HAD to be at school at THAT time. I thought it might have to do with me meeting my future husband, but I had gotten past some of those crazy notions of destiny and "meant to be." All I knew was that I HAD to live at ISU.
My mom took me back to school, hopeful that she could help pay for my housing, but soon found out that it wasn't the case, they didn't take credit cards, only cash. She left me at school, thinking that she'd have to come back before the end of the semester and take me home.
When I met up with my friends after Christmas, it was like we hadn't even been separated. We all picked right back up where we'd left off. Life was fun again.
The guy I was currently crushing on continued to be my good friend, but he also was a little more free around me this time. I thought for SURE that something had changed in his attitude and that he'd finally come around to liking me the way that I liked him.
I continued to hope for HIS change of heart, when another friend got to the heart of his problem...he just didn't see me as more than a friend. I was devastated. She tried to help comfort me, but I was beyond comfort.
Around this same time, we were having Spring Break. My friends and I had planned to go from one person's house to another during break, we were going to have fun, and just be free. I was still trying to sort out my feelings for this other guy, and two of my best friends on the trip were also emotional about the guys THEY liked. We soon decided that we were going to have a "geek-free week." In other words, no one was going to talk about or THINK about these geeks. Period. It felt fabulous to just focus on my friends and our fun times. While talking with my friends during this Spring Break, I decided that instead of ALWAYS focusing on my crushes and FINDING that man that I was to marry, I would focus on ME. I decided that after break was over, I was going to talk to the bishop and see what I needed to do to prepare to go on a mission the next year.
Once I made the decision to prepare to be a missionary, life felt easier. I didn't worry that I wasn't loved by a guy. I didn't think too much about my guy friend's wishy-washiness. I was going to focus on my life, and preparing to be THE best missionary.
When we came back from break, I became involved in our Institute choir's production of "Greater Than Us All." Our choir would be part of the heavenly choir backing up the soloists, and we would participate in this musical. I was excited. I have always loved Kenneth Cope's music, and when I HEARD he might come, I was even MORE excited.
I continued to work on being the best me I could be, and even started making good habits.
One night, at choir practice, I was joking with my friend (the guy who I'd previously been crushing on...) and I happened to turn around to talk with him. He was sitting next to this guy. It was weird, but I felt like I knew this guy from somewhere else, but we'd never met before. He was tall with light brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. He made a joke, and I just laughed. I turned back around to practice our music and for some reason I thought, "This is the man you have been waiting for....HE is your soul-mate."