All is Quiet....

So, my last post....yeah, a bit of a lie.

We had a miracle. On Friday, we began running around doing errands for the house (changing the electricity, gas....) when our mortgage lady, Julz, called.

Me: "Hello?"

Julz: "Dawnyel?? I just left you a HUGE rambly message on your home phone. You're funded."

Me: "What!? How did that happen?" (Seriously dancing in my seat and grinning ear-to-ear.)

Julz: "You're funded. You can get the keys...NOW!"

There was other talk (boring, boring, BORING...especially after the happy news...) and she told us that we had to see the title company and it was ours.

We finished our errands and hurried to the title company, signed the extra papers (a few mistakes) and we were done.

We've been moving in since yesterday. It was a HUGE job, but we had TONS of wonderful help. We're actually IN the house right now. I'm sitting in my cold family room with freezing fingers typing right now (darn that draft...) but we're HOME!!!!

Just a few things left to move over, an old apartment to clean and release, and then we can unpack and just BREATHE!!

Update on My Path to Forgiving

It's been a little over a week since I decided that I needed to move on and work on forgiving my step-grandma. I've prayed like crazy, gotten FANTASTIC advice, and had lots of time to think. In the last week I've come SO far...in fact, on Sunday I actually SPOKE with her...for the first time since the night we argued. It went well, I survived and we spoke kindly and without bringing up the ugliness. After it was over I didn't even feel anger toward her. It was gone.

I still feel like I'm not COMPLETELY there, but I have come SO far and I believe I'm nearly there.

One of the things that truly helped me on the road to forgiveness was this quote: "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that you can change the past."

I've realized that I can't change what happened, but I can resolve my feelings about it and move on.....and it has helped me SO much.

Wow....That Was Fast

Today in church I was sitting during the sacrament and thinking about Jesus. I was thinking about the mistakes I've made lately....most of them are with my children. I'm too quick to yell at them, get easily frustrated with the little things they do (or don't do) and I feel like I've lost the love that I have for them. In my heart I prayed that Heavenly Father would forgive me for treating these sweet children so poorly. I asked that he would show me a way to love them, the way that He loves them. I felt peace in my heart, and for the first time in a while, I was happy to sit with a wiggly 2-year old and a 10-year old who's always asking question after question.

Today was Testimony meeting, and many members got up and bore sweet testimony of Jesus and his love for us. I was touched by the Spirit, and again, I felt that sweet peace.

It was during our last meeting of the day that I truly felt Heavenly Father's love for me. The lesson was on strengthening our families. I felt like I had been hit between the eyes.

There were many great stories shared, examples of bringing up children the correct way. Then one of the topics addressed was respect. It was then that I realized that if I want my children to show ME respect, I must first respect them. I need to take their problems seriously (because to them, the broken toy is a HUGE issue and it's important to them) and show them my love through respect.

It was a HUGE eye-opener for me. I felt the answers to my prayers (that I had only prayed an hour and a half before) quickly and fully answered. I know there is a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel that I can make it. I can do it and I am ready.

I feel so blessed to have Heavenly Father answer my prayers SO quickly!

Thankful November

Calm and Peace

I'm grateful for those rare times when I'm not stressing or worrying about something, but when I feel content and at peace with my life. (The last few weeks have been one of those rare times.)

I don't quite know how to explain the serenity I've been feeling. I know the world is in turmoil, and that there are many who are struggling, but for the last few weeks I've felt peace in my life.

In all my married life, I've never really felt like I was living in my "home." I've lived in many apartments that keep me out of the elements, but never really felt like I've been "home" since my parents lived in their previous house. (Yeah, I didn't even feel like I was "home" in their new house....) It's been a long time coming, but right now, I feel like I've got stability and a house that feels like a "home."

I even feel peace that if I never get pregnant again, that I will be okay. I feel calm with the idea that I may only ever have these two little boys in my life. I never felt that peace anytime after I'd had Cameron. Right now, I'm okay getting pregnant, or not. I feel completely content with my life as it is right now.

I pray that this happy, contented, PEACEFUL feeling lasts forever. Seriously, I'm SO blessed!

Peaceful and Happy

Feeling much better. I'll just summarize this break-down as, "marital problems." We've been through things like this before, but now I'm feeling MUCH better! (Yes, Steve and I are doing fine!)

I'll just say that reading November's Ensign and studying my scriptures has really helped! (And talking with Steve helped a TON! Love ya, Hon!)

Spiritual Awakening

For the past two weeks upon coming home from an exhausting workout at church I've settled onto my comfy couch and watched KBYU. I have found a NEW way to unwind! On any normal day I'll flip through my channels and quickly pass by this untapped resource. Normally I'm just trying to keep Cam entertained so that I can go on to do other things. But on that first Sunday after they changed up my world I decided, "Why not attempt to get back what I feel I've lost this day, and see where it gets me."

My husband was sacked out on the sofa, Cam had wandered upstairs to play in his room, and I got carried away on a spiritual high. I just love those days when I can feel the Spirit so strongly that I don't want to stop learning and growing. I don't even remember exactly what the point of the speaker's talk was, all I know is that I was loving this education that I was getting in my own home!

Then this last Sunday I came home, not nearly as exhausted as before, but pretty spent, and I did the same thing. Husband in the same position, son in the same position, why not mom in the same? I had a hard time pulling myself away from the things that they were showing! The speaker that drew me in this week was talking about romantic love versus eternal love. I was in hog heaven! I learned a lot about myself and what I expect from my husband...the poor guy! Anyway, I hadn't learned that much since my favorite/hardest class I took at Ricks College. Unfortunately that feeling was fleeting, I had to take my poor hard-working husband to work and I was going to join my siblings for Sunday dinner. After a fun day with my family, I came home, got Cam settled into bed and quickly turned that channel back on. I was back to my spiritual plane. My sweetheart came home, looking like the world had run him over, and then backed up and did it again, so I invited him into my world. I rubbed his aching feet while we listened to more spiritual truths. It was so nice and "romantic." I think I will try more often to invite that Spirit into my life....it makes me so much happier...and there's nothing better than that!

Utah...Here I Come!

I haven't been able to see my husband for the past few weeks. When he is at home, he's either sleeping or getting ready to go to his other job. Things are a bit hectic around here. Last weekend Steve went to Boise for his cousin's wedding. He had a fun time, but he had to take his brother with him. His brother is a poor stand-in for me, but they had a fun time. He called me four times a day while he was gone....that's more than he calls me when he's in town! This weekend we were supposed to go to my sister's house together and maybe catch a session at the temple, but he has to work and can't get out of it. I'm really upset with his boss over the whole thing, but I guess I'll just have to get over it. So, while I'm gone Cam is going to spend the weekend with Grandma. He's only ever done that once before and it wasn't necessarily a good experience for all involved. Hopefully this time he'll be better. So I'm going to be going to Utah all by my lonesome tomorrow. I'm not really thrilled with that idea, but I'm excited to see my sister and her home and my friend who is going to be having a baby sometime this month! I haven't seen my friend for years and years! It'll be good to get together again!!

Tonight we had an actual Enrichment meeting for church and it was SO fun! They called it Peace Academy and they had all kinds of things that are supposed to help relax you and bring peace into your life. I had a blast! Part of the activities for the night included everyone there wearing a piece of paper taped to their back. Then they asked us if we'd ever had someone talk about us behind our backs. Most people raised their hands...then they said that tonight we were going to find out what people said about us behind our backs. They wanted us to write on people's backs what we thought about them. It was so much fun! I forgot I was wearing the thing until someone would stop me from walking away. I read the things written on my paper and I was touched. I didn't know people thought those kinds of things about me! They had several stations set up where you could get a hand massage, fingernails painted, foot rub (more please!), and a reading corner (where I read The Paperbag Princess by Robert Munsch...for the first time!) We all started out watching a video where they were teaching us self massage techniques. We all felt a little embarrassed to be doing this in front of others, but it was fun! They had one part of the video called "throw off stagnant chi." I guess I was really getting rid of that stagnant chi...someone wrote on my card that they liked how I did it! It was interesting....and relaxing...I hope I can remember the techniques!! They had chocolates in the middle and some bath things to take home! I had such a good time! I didn't necessarily feel peace....but I am relaxed and ready for bed! What a wonderful night!

I love RAIN!

It's been raining on and off all morning here and I LOVE it! This winter was strange for our area. Christmas was clear and not cold at all, but the last two months have been bitterly cold and snowy. I'm just glad that it's raining now. For some reason I've just always felt peace during rainstorms. I think the sound is one of the best things to hear when I'm frustrated or stressed out and the smell......oh, I just love rain!

I think the rain today should help me out. I've been stressing over babysitting again. I say again because I tried to be a permanent babysitter a few years ago for my cousin, but their schedule was so much different from the one I wanted for Cameron that I just couldn't handle it and I quit. Now I'm feeling that stress again, and it's not because the two families schedules are that different, I think it has to do with me not feeling completely in control of my son. I had a rough day yesterday with Cameron and the little girl we've been watching. Their behavior was awful! I had to go and visit someone and while we were at their house Cam tried to run up and down their stairs, pulled the little girl over and attacked some other kids. I was mortified. Anytime I told him to stop what he was doing he'd laugh at me and continue on. When we got home I was so mad at the boy that I immediately put him into time out, which didn't work like it was supposed to because the little girl I watch was upset he was not playing with her. I was at my wits end...I tried time outs, I tried talking to him, I tried ignoring it, but it only got worse and worse until I finally broke down in tears. I love my son, and I love this little girl, but I don't know how much more I can handle if my son continues to be so blatantly disobedient. I want to teach him how to be a nice boy, how to share, and those kind of things, but I don't know if he'll ever get it. I know I'm not alone in this fear either...I was talking to someone whom I look up to on the way she handles her kids and she's also commented on how her boys don't listen to her either. Is this just a boy thing, or a kid thing? What can I do? I hope that this day off from babysitting will help me mellow out and maybe calm down over the situation. I don't want to have to stop watching this little girl just because I feel crazy. Oh, I just need my vacation!