Realization

Just this last week I've come to the realization that Cameron will NOT be able to catch up with his peers. I don't know why I kept this hope alive, but it seems that the boy will forever be behind his friends. He's SLOWLY learning to read, and most of his friends from last year can read well. *sigh* This was my fear when the school told me that they wanted to put him in DACC. I wanted him to keep up SOME interaction with his classmates, but so far this year, he's been interacting more with the second graders.

Admitting this is SO hard for me. My son will always be behind. He may possibly end up in Special Ed classes his whole life.

I'm still doing the right thing, right?

Update of My Trip, and Cameron's FULL School Days

So far, Cam is doing well in school. All summer he's been telling us, "Mama, I get to be in the NEW school!!" (His school has been having some MAJOR renovations, and if he was in the REGULAR 1st grade class, he would be in the new part of the school, but since he's in DACC, he's in the OLD part of the school.) He seems a little bummed, but he's doing fine! I've started a NEW thing that I will be doing every Tuesday though, I will be picking him up early EVERY Tuesday so that the kid can continue with his speech therapy. Uh....wooo hooo???

He's also doing FULL days of school now, I like it, but I don't know what I'll be doing when I'm not babysitting....Tomorrow will be the first day I'll have without ANY kids at home, I guess I'll find out what I do then!

And now to tell a little bit more about our adventure into nothing-ness:
I hadn't realized how desolate Nevada REALLY was. I found myself getting excited when we passed a trailer-house. And rest areas?? Oh, MY GOSH!! We were lucky if we found one that had an outhouse! We actually stopped at one that just had a picnic bench, pavilion, and garbage cans that had the orange fence around them!! But since we were so desperate, we peed behind the garbage cans anyway!! (Don't judge us!!)

It was VERY smoky, and it was hard to see the mountains in some places!! It was crazy!!

By the time we got to my sister's new town it was LATE! I was cramped in the back of my parents' suburban the WHOLE time, and I could feel my legs swell up! It was PAINFUL, but I did okay! We ended up at her house around 10:00 pm, and had the trailer unloaded by 11:15! It's amazing the work that can get done when you're tired, and in pain! Luckily we had BUFF men who would pull out the heavier boxes, and leave the lighter ones (that they dubbed "women's boxes") for me!!
We all pulled out our inflatable beds, TRIED to find a piece of floor, and we slept soundly!! I did giggle quite a bit, because my parents were just around the corner from where Steve, Cameron and I were sleeping, and my dad has a bit of a.....um......flatulance problem! It sounded like applause!! *snickering* Okay, so I still have the sense of humor of a 13 year old boy! WHO CARES, it was funny!!

Then we all slept in until 9:30 the next morning, and we drove another 10 and a half hours to get home. In that time we got to stop to see my in-laws to get my NEW fun toy: a NEWER washer and dryer!! THEY MATCH!! I can't believe I'm SO excited about this, but I am!! I can't wait for laundry day now!! We got home, and I put Cam to bed, then set up my new toys. I slept SO well that night!!
I have no doubt that Michelle and Jeremy will be just fine! My sister cried when we left, but I told her that it's okay. I KNOW they're going to be JUST fine!! It may take a while to adjust, but their neighbors are very nice, and it seemed like a VERY nice town!

Free-For-All Friday And DACC Update

It's time for Free-For-All Friday!

If you want to ask me a question -- and anything goes -- here's your chance. You can ask about whatever you wish, no holds barred. I'll either answer honestly, or I'll tell you that I won't answer. (But with me...I'll probably answer you!)

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And as a QUICK update, more things are coming out about DACC...he will have to ride the bus to school (which, honestly, takes us maybe 2 minutes to walk there from home...if we dawdle!) This DACC program is also funded by Medicaid...which means, MORE FUN PAPERWORK! *dripping with sarcasm* And his new speech therapist sounds like she'll be fun to work with!

But my mom told me that her friend, who used to teach Special Ed, told her to make sure we do periodic checks on what they do in that program! Pop in unannounced...Apparently it's not all good!

Tears of Frustration

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, and figure if I spill my life story here then I'll feel better!
I've started going out for training with my new job, and it's great...except my trainer (who is seriously AWESOME) is calling me CONSTANTLY! If you know me, I'm NOT a phone person...at all! She wants me to be free to do appointments all the time, and that's just not me. Maybe I've gotten into this TOO fast, but I'm feeling overwhelmed there! (Not that I don't love the program, but just feeling a bit like I'm being pulled in a few directions at once!)
Then I had SUCH a good week with my scouts last Wednesday, and this week?? Well, we're back to them disobeying, running, screaming, fighting...blah! We are going to implement a new reward/discipline system NEXT month...I really hope it works!
Then today I had a meeting with Cameron's school about what our plans for next year will be with the kid. The meeting was scheduled for 8:00 am, meaning, I had to get Baby J here early, Cam and I BOTH ready to go, and hope that Steve was home from work, so I could drive down the street to school with BOTH boys in the snow and rain. (Yeah, the weather was kinda wet today!)
The meeting was SET to start at 8, but do you think they could get everyone there??? *muttering under breath* The meeting FINALLY started 20 minutes after it was supposed to, and we started discussing my sweet boy.
The first person was his teacher...who LOVES him and has worked REALLY hard with the kid all year long. She showed us his scores from the beginning of the year to just last week. The kid has seriously slipped in where he was compared to the rest of the class. The things they're studying are just too hard for the kid, so instead of getting like a 76% on his tests, he's getting a 43%! She said that he DOES do better work when his in-class aide is there, but he's starting to depend on her TOO much.
Then they asked the resource team what was going on with him in their room, and they mentioned that he's easily frustrated, and is showing signs that he's just not getting it.
Then they asked ME what he's doing at home. INSTANT tears! (I'm just SO emotional when it comes to my boy....almost TOO emotional.) I told them that he tries hard to help out and be a good friend. Then I told them that when I ask him to work on some of his homework, instead of telling me that he doesn't know what it is, he gets frustrated and cries. If you push him too far on something challenging, the kid shuts down. He's just easily frustrated. It's almost like he's afraid to admit that he doesn't know something. Like he just can't find it in his heart to say the words, "I don't know."
Then we reviewed his score from the testing they did at the beginning of the year...the one where he was labeled mentally retarded. (They actually have a different term, but for the life of me, I can't think of it.) Anyway, I'm actually grateful for this term now...because of the results he got, he's now qualified for many services he otherwise wouldn't be able to do. Because of this label, Cam will definitely get the aides and classes that he needs to learn at his OWN rate.
Because of all of these findings with the boy, the whole group came to the conclusion that he'll fare better in the DACC program instead of a regular first grade class. DACC (Developmentally Accurate Curriculum) has children from Kindergarten to 3rd grade in a setting where they will each get a specialized plan where they can learn the same things the other kids their age are learning, but at a slower rate. We figured he'll do even better if he's in DACC than he'll do just thrown into a regular class with an aide. Honestly, this is the LAST thing I thought I would agree to, but after seeing how he's not following or even getting some of the concepts, I think it's best.
I guess I'm just having a hard time admitting (to myself) that Cameron ISN'T like other kids. That he can't just go on to first grade, and learn like other kids. That my son is in the "special" class. I know, I shouldn't judge...I shouldn't put unreasonable expectations on my child...every child is different....he'll learn at his OWN rate....but it's HARD for me to admit it. My one big concern with him being in this program (which only has a maximum of 12 kids in at a time) is his social development. Will he be able to play with other kids his age, interacting with them like he does now? Will they tease him? Will he get the social time that he needs to grow in THAT area? The teacher who is in charge of DACC assured me that not only do the kids do intense learning in her classroom, but they do have inclusion times where they are with the "normal" first graders.
I KNOW in my heart that THIS is what he needs, but I'm just feeling a bit drained by it all. Steve and I fought SO hard to keep him from going to this type of program, but it seemed that it wasn't enough. And once I told the group at the meeting that what they suggested sounded like it was what we needed to do, they ALL told me that I'm such a good mom. (HUH!?) They told me that they'd like to clone me for other kids who have parents who don't care. I just broke down even MORE.
Not only is he going to start integrating into the DACC program now (like starting NOW they'll be taking him in there for a half hour a day...) but they're also adding in-school Speech therapy to the long list of things he needs. He'll also be doing summer school....sort of a requirement for being in DACC...and he'll be in a class without his little friends. He's constantly asking me NOW who will play with him, or who will be his friend that day...and now....It's all just breaking my heart. I know, I shouldn't be feeling this way.
And then I'm babysitting a lot more than I had expected. When I have Baby J, I really can't do much...I'm not helping in Cam's class anymore (which doesn't ease my guilt over being a lousy teacher to the kid...) and I'm stuck home with a cranky, clingy, whiny boy. And because his mom just started a new job, they sent her first paycheck to her in the mail...and she didn't get it until today!! We are late on MANY bills...checks bouncing like rubber balls...and I'm still doing the best I can! (She IS going to be able to pay us tomorrow though....YAY!)
With all of my crazy other things, my house has become ground zero. Laundry piles are EVERYWHERE, toys are scattered all over my upstairs, my bed is coming undone when I sleep on it, I haven't done dishes all week, and my vacuuming has stopped. Feeling lousy, just isn't a solution when you have a messy house.
Well, that's it...that's my frustrations....I hope I can handle things better. I just hope....

Re-Explaining the Situation

Maybe I should explain my dilemma a little bit better!

Cameron is getting in-school occupational therapy, physical therapy, and is pulled out every day for 15-30 minutes to go to the special ed room where they work on his reading and other essential skills. Cameron IS in the regular classroom the majority of the time, but the problem comes in when he doesn't have his aide right next to him. The teacher pulls him out to his little reading group during the centers (they have a TON of stuff to do while in those little centers!) And when he's just with his teacher, she can't get him to grasp many reading concepts. He knows his letters (one of the few in his class who does) but he doesn't understand that when you put letters together in a certain way that it makes words.

The benefit of putting him in the DACC program is the speed at which they work. They do the exact same program, but at a much slower rate. In Cam's current class they only have an hour to do a center: social studies, math, word work, art, and listening and reading. There are four centers, and usually at each one there are TWO projects to complete. For example, this week I ended up doing the same center twice. We had to copy words in our best handwriting and then color and cut and glue an Indian boy into a canoe. Doesn't sound that hard, right? Well, when you're a frustrated little kid it takes FOREVER. Not only do they have limited time to complete these projects, but they're constantly being called out for reading groups and to work on the computers. There are times when I'm working with my little group of 6 kids that I only have ONE with me. I know it sounds chaotic, but it works...for the most part.

Now, my dilemma comes when I think about taking him out of his current situation. He's doing well! I know that he'd do SO good in the DACC program...he would continue to learn and grow, but I worry that he'd lose his social skills. The principal, when she first pitched this idea to me, assured me that the kids do have times when they interact with their peers, but it's only on a small amount of time. Right now Cam is making friends left and right, and LOVES it! He does fine when he has someone who can explain things to him in a one-on-one setting, but he can't have that ALL of the time! He's getting many special programs working and vying for his time, but he's in the regular classroom for the majority of the time, and that's how I prefer it.

Okay, do you think I've made my case? I don't know if it makes ANY sense, but I do feel like for now, we'll continue doing what we're doing.

On a positive note, Cam is actually thriving here at home. I can't even begin to explain the difference I'm seeing in my little boy since I stopped babysitting those kids last week. He's been SO well behaved, and has been talking like a normal 6-year-old! When I was watching L and E he'd talk to me like he was a baby. It drove me bonkers. Now, he's funny and I LOVE it! Even when I'm babysitting baby J, he's better behaved for me! I didn't realize what kind of strain my babysitting was having on him until this week. The change in him is dramatic! I'm so glad that I followed my gut (and the advice of all of you and my family) and stopped the craziness! Life is VERY good!

Parent Trauma

Doing double duty at school is exhausting! I mentioned to Cameron's teacher on Monday (when I was there helping) that if she needed I could help out on Wednesdays, now that I'm not babysitting on them anymore. She was thrilled beyond words. Up to that day (mind you, it's the end of the first trimester) no one had volunteered to help out with the centers on Wednesdays. So she quickly switched me from Mondays to Wednesdays and asked that I start this week, if possible.

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE working in my son's classroom...I feel way more connected to what's going on than anytime before. BUT, working with little kids who don't really want to do what they're supposed to is hard! There was one little boy who was SO distracted by the workers who are putting brick on the building I was sorely tempted to move him to the other side of the table where he couldn't see what was happening outside. Another little boy wouldn't do anything unless I was sitting RIGHT next to him. On top of these uncooperative kids we have the chatty little girls, who have to tell you a MILLION things before they do their work, those who would rather joke around and play, and then the fact that today was a short day. Every Wednesday is a short day in this school, makes both teachers and students hurry, hurry, hurry!

As all of the kids left to go to recess and then the library I sat and just vegged. Mrs. K came in and talked with me about how Cam has been doing in her class. He's a smart kid, but he is HIGHLY distracted. She was telling me that most of what they're learning in reading is going OVER his head. I figured that much, but then she said that maybe he would benefit from going to the DACC program. Everything in my body refused to allow this thought to process. I don't want him to fall behind socially, and that's the main reason I keep him in his regular class, but when his aide, Amber, isn't around he doesn't learn anything.

So here's my dilemma, should I keep him where he is (I feel he's doing just fine) and maybe tutor him more at home, or should I put him where I know he's learn more, but may suffer socially. Oh, the trauma of being a parent! I have a feeling that I need to get the kid tested for ADHD (just a recent thing that one of the many doctors he's seen recommended...) and I don't really know where to go for THAT, but oh, I'm just frustrated right now!

Solutions

Things are going better now. We chose solution number 2/3! We're going to graduate from the program (although cutting back on babysitting was highly tempting...) take some of the money and put it into savings (most likely in a bank we don't frequent so the money STAYS put!) and then use some of the money to pay off bills and get repairs that we have been putting off. It's not the ideal situation, but we feel it's what's best for our situation right now.

And we're now fighting the decision the school district came up with for Cameron's "new" development. I didn't go into too much detail over the whole thing, so let me explain what's been happening to our family.

Cameron was psychologically tested and the results from the test showed that Cameron is "mentally retarded" or as they started to put it in the meetings I've been to "cognitively impaired." According to the scores on the test, he scored very low...at 55. Average mental capacity is between 85 and 115. At first I was a bit disturbed by the whole thing, but came to accept it as the truth I was unwilling to see.

At his IEP meeting options were discussed, and the principal decided that it would be in his best interests to maybe go into the developmental kindergarten. I was highly upset by this comment, and tried to ignore it. After school that day Cameron's teacher confided in me that she thinks those test results are wrong. I asked her why and she told me that she's had students in her class who have scored 65 on that same test who were FAR below Cameron's development and ability in her class. She told me NOT to worry about DACC, because he was succeeding where he is! In fact he's in the middle of the class when it comes to his learning abilities. She said, "He fits in perfectly with this class!" I told her that I think he may have been tired and uncooperative the day they tested him, and maybe I'd think about getting him retested.

The next time I saw the school psychologist I asked him if it was possible to retest Cameron, because I wanted piece of mind. I told him that I think Cameron may not have been in the best frame of mind, and just to satisfy me, would he mind retesting him on a day where he was more like himself. He told me that he wasn't sure he could do it, but he'd look into it.

I let things go at that for a while, complaining to people who know my situation with Cameron and asking what they'd do in my situation. I had even talked with his service coordinator who suggested that even if they couldn't get to retesting him THIS year, make them do it next year.

Then I went to help in Cam's class on Monday. His in-school occupational therapist pulled me out of the class to chat. She told me of how deeply disturbed she was over the whole situation and wanted to know what I thought. I told her what the teacher had said and she agreed with that assessment whole-heartedly. She told me that the results were NOT right, and we should fight them as much as we could. Then she told me that we didn't have that discussion, because the school doesn't listen to ANYTHING she has to say. That's not right. She's a professional who works with my son and knows his abilities. WHY not!?

Upon hearing these disagreements with the test results, my mind has been put at ease. I DO know my son better than the people at the school do, and I need to fight for his rights, because NO one else will! I plan on talking with the school psychologist again. Maybe this time I can get some definite answers!

I've been getting through this time with the help of some dear friends! I've been able to vent my feelings (in a purging fashion) and just doing that little bit has been an enormous help! I think things have just been piled upon me for too long and my poor body can't handle the pressure I've been going through. So to those of you who have been helping me out...THANK YOU! I didn't realize how much I needed a good friend, and you have been there to help me! I'm so glad I have people who worry about me, and want me to succeed! :)

My Week at a Glance

I'm overwhelmed. I don't want to get into TOO much detail, so here's an abridged version:

• I've been babysitting extra girls...way too much energy, and too much conflict for my taste!
• A neighbor man died, and we're having to tell the little kids what has happened. It seems that they're handling it fairly well.
• I've become the sounding board for my visiting teaching partner...I'm glad I can be there for her! She really needs a good friend right now.
• Cam's IEP has come up and along with it have been suggestions from my FAVORITE (can you sense my sarcasm?) principal for DACC and more special ed! UGH! NO!! (His teacher agrees whole-hearted with me!)
• A family friend's husband has turned into the creep who wouldn't give up! Supporting HER needs has become very important to our everyday lives! We constantly worry that he'll pull some crazy stunt that will end up hurting her or her children!
• I'm seeing people's true colors in the face of adversity. Some turn to their own, selfish needs, others reach out in help of others, and some just close in on themselves. Dealing with these problems is what shows our true characters!

So, that's my life for the past few days summarized. All I can say is that I certainly hope that the kids I babysit will allow me a chance to sleep and recuperate! I need it!

DACC vs. Regular Kindergarten

This morning was a busy one to say the least. I woke up at the usual time and tried to rouse my son from his deep slumber. I succeeded after a few minutes and he was off to bathe. After his bath I told him to dress himself and that's when the whining began. I have been trying to wean myself out of his room for when he gets dressed, and yesterday he dressed himself fully for the first time EVER! So I figured that since he had done it once he could do it again. I ended up sitting outside of his bedroom in the hallway waiting for him to get his rear in gear and get dressed, but he continued whining. I finally told him that I was going to go to the basement to get the laundry and that if he wasn't dressed soon I was going to call the bus and tell them that he couldn't go to school because he was whining. After gathering up the clean clothes and bringing them upstairs, he emerged from his room dressed in HUGE pants. Well, I told him that he couldn't wear those pants, so I found some other pants for him. Then we ended up looking for his shoes and getting him ready to go. Distraction after distraction after distraction. Finally we sat down in front of the television to watch Dora until the bus arrived and waited and waited and waited. The bus seemed awfully late today so I called transportation for the district to find out if the bus was running late. The lady told me that he had already been there and I quickly realized that I was going to be his transportation for the day. I usually DON'T get fully dressed to put him on the bus, so I drove him to school while I was wearing my jammies and slippers. Prime embarrassment attire for this type of thing!
We got to the school and noticed a parked bus waiting for the teacher to come out and get the kids off the bus and I asked Cam if it was full of kids from his class. He said it was and wanted to wait for them to get off the bus. I was cold and decided to walk him inside to his classroom. We went inside and as we walked in, his teacher and his aide walked around the corner. His teacher saw me and we started chatting. He told me that he was glad that I had to come in so that we could talk about what's going to happen. We have a meeting scheduled for this Friday to discuss Cam's transition into kindergarten. He told me that he wasn't very happy with the school district at the moment and that if I noticed he was making unhappy faces at the meeting that was why. I mentioned to him that we were really hoping to find a person to shadow for Cam (to keep him on task) when he enters kindergarten and that we DO NOT want him in the DACC (Developmentally Accurate Curriculum) because of some of the things we had heard about the teacher. He asked me what we had heard and I told him that someone my husband worked with had been a shadow for a child in her class and noticed that the kids only got ONE crayon a day to use for the ENTIRE day. She doesn't want a mess, so she cuts everything for the kids and glues things for them too. I'm sorry, but to me that ISN'T what kindergarten is about. To me, it's about making messes and LEARNING how to do these things! So I told him that if the district decided that he needed to be put into DACC we were going to transfer him to another school. He told me that it was our choice and that we had to do what was best for Cam.
So here's my dilemma. We are going to the meeting and we want to do what's best for our son, but we don't want to be rude either. If they suggest DACC should we just ignore what we've heard and let him go into this class or should we push for him to go to regular kindergarten? Even if we can't get a shadow for him and they recommend regular kindergarten should we seek out alternative ways of getting him a shadow or should we just let him fail? We feel that it would be best to get Cam transitioned into regular kindergarten but with a shadow. He's a smart kid, but he needs someone to constantly keep him on task. I'm quite annoyed with the whole situation and hope that the district can help us get him the things that he needs, but with his teacher's attitude with the district I don't think it's gonna happen unless we push for it. What would you do in this situation?

A Happy Mom is a Happy Home!

I had such a good day today with Cam and the little girl we babysit! I decided yesterday that I'm tired of being the referee between the two of them and I want to enjoy my time with them. So today I started out with a positive attitude and I got down on the floor and wrestled with them. We were all laughing so hard I forgot, at least for the moment, how hard of a time I've been having lately! I tried lifting them on my legs and playing horsey, like I used to do when I was younger and in better shape, and I only aggravated my aches and pains. I guess that having a fun time is worth more than the pain I can put my body through. Hey, I could even classify it as exercise, if I really wanted to. I had those sweet little kids laughing and having a good time. I guess that's what it's really important. I can't believe the difference it made just to interact with them! YAY!! I figured out a trick, and it worked!!

I also think that knowing that I will be getting a break from babysitting this weekend really helped my out-look too! I don't know what it is about the weekend, but it just makes me so happy and relaxed. It could be the fact that I don't have to wake up nearly as early as I do during the week, the fact that I don't have to babysit, or the fact that I will be seeing Steve more often, maybe a combination of those three. I just love it!!

My only complaint for the day is that I haven't been to see my mom at all this week. Usually in a "normal" week I will be there 3 or 4 days. I haven't seen her since Monday, which for me is a record. I probably won't get to see her until Sunday or Monday with the way things look right now. I hope I can keep Cam occupied with my crazy-mom antics until then. But things are looking up!

I also found out from Steve that the teacher for the Developmental Kindergarten isn't that great of a teacher. He works with a lady who shadows at the Developmental Kindergarten and she knows what kind of a teacher she is. Anyway, she doesn't let the kids cut or glue anything and she only gives them one crayon stub for all of their assignments. She doesn't want to have to clean up the mess that cutting and gluing would make. In my opinion that is a bad excuse!! Kids are in kindergarten to learn to do those things! How can she do those kinds of things! I just don't understand. So now we're to the point where if Cam is recommended for DACC (the developmental kindergarten) we're gonna refuse to have him put there. If we have to we want to have him moved to another school, actually if we could we would move him to another school anyway. But hopefully this shadow thing will work out and we won't have to deal with this "teacher."