I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, and figure if I spill my life story here then I'll feel better!
I've started going out for training with my new job, and it's great...except my trainer (who is seriously AWESOME) is calling me CONSTANTLY! If you know me, I'm NOT a phone person...at all! She wants me to be free to do appointments all the time, and that's just not me. Maybe I've gotten into this TOO fast, but I'm feeling overwhelmed there! (Not that I don't love the program, but just feeling a bit like I'm being pulled in a few directions at once!)
Then I had SUCH a good week with my scouts last Wednesday, and this week?? Well, we're back to them disobeying, running, screaming, fighting...blah! We are going to implement a new reward/discipline system NEXT month...I really hope it works!
Then today I had a meeting with Cameron's school about what our plans for next year will be with the kid. The meeting was scheduled for 8:00 am, meaning, I had to get Baby J here early, Cam and I BOTH ready to go, and hope that Steve was home from work, so I could drive down the street to school with BOTH boys in the snow and rain. (Yeah, the weather was kinda wet today!)
The meeting was SET to start at 8, but do you think they could get everyone there??? *muttering under breath* The meeting FINALLY started 20 minutes after it was supposed to, and we started discussing my sweet boy.
The first person was his teacher...who LOVES him and has worked REALLY hard with the kid all year long. She showed us his scores from the beginning of the year to just last week. The kid has seriously slipped in where he was compared to the rest of the class. The things they're studying are just too hard for the kid, so instead of getting like a 76% on his tests, he's getting a 43%! She said that he DOES do better work when his in-class aide is there, but he's starting to depend on her TOO much.
Then they asked the resource team what was going on with him in their room, and they mentioned that he's easily frustrated, and is showing signs that he's just not getting it.
Then they asked ME what he's doing at home. INSTANT tears! (I'm just SO emotional when it comes to my boy....almost TOO emotional.) I told them that he tries hard to help out and be a good friend. Then I told them that when I ask him to work on some of his homework, instead of telling me that he doesn't know what it is, he gets frustrated and cries. If you push him too far on something challenging, the kid shuts down. He's just easily frustrated. It's almost like he's afraid to admit that he doesn't know something. Like he just can't find it in his heart to say the words, "I don't know."
Then we reviewed his score from the testing they did at the beginning of the year...the one where he was labeled mentally retarded. (They actually have a different term, but for the life of me, I can't think of it.) Anyway, I'm actually grateful for this term now...because of the results he got, he's now qualified for many services he otherwise wouldn't be able to do. Because of this label, Cam will definitely get the aides and classes that he needs to learn at his OWN rate.
Because of all of these findings with the boy, the whole group came to the conclusion that he'll fare better in the DACC program instead of a regular first grade class. DACC (Developmentally Accurate Curriculum) has children from Kindergarten to 3rd grade in a setting where they will each get a specialized plan where they can learn the same things the other kids their age are learning, but at a slower rate. We figured he'll do even better if he's in DACC than he'll do just thrown into a regular class with an aide. Honestly, this is the LAST thing I thought I would agree to, but after seeing how he's not following or even getting some of the concepts, I think it's best.
I guess I'm just having a hard time admitting (to myself) that Cameron ISN'T like other kids. That he can't just go on to first grade, and learn like other kids. That my son is in the "special" class. I know, I shouldn't judge...I shouldn't put unreasonable expectations on my child...every child is different....he'll learn at his OWN rate....but it's HARD for me to admit it. My one big concern with him being in this program (which only has a maximum of 12 kids in at a time) is his social development. Will he be able to play with other kids his age, interacting with them like he does now? Will they tease him? Will he get the social time that he needs to grow in THAT area? The teacher who is in charge of DACC assured me that not only do the kids do intense learning in her classroom, but they do have inclusion times where they are with the "normal" first graders.
I KNOW in my heart that THIS is what he needs, but I'm just feeling a bit drained by it all. Steve and I fought SO hard to keep him from going to this type of program, but it seemed that it wasn't enough. And once I told the group at the meeting that what they suggested sounded like it was what we needed to do, they ALL told me that I'm such a good mom. (HUH!?) They told me that they'd like to clone me for other kids who have parents who don't care. I just broke down even MORE.
Not only is he going to start integrating into the DACC program now (like starting NOW they'll be taking him in there for a half hour a day...) but they're also adding in-school Speech therapy to the long list of things he needs. He'll also be doing summer school....sort of a requirement for being in DACC...and he'll be in a class without his little friends. He's constantly asking me NOW who will play with him, or who will be his friend that day...and now....It's all just breaking my heart. I know, I shouldn't be feeling this way.
And then I'm babysitting a lot more than I had expected. When I have Baby J, I really can't do much...I'm not helping in Cam's class anymore (which doesn't ease my guilt over being a lousy teacher to the kid...) and I'm stuck home with a cranky, clingy, whiny boy. And because his mom just started a new job, they sent her first paycheck to her in the mail...and she didn't get it until today!! We are late on MANY bills...checks bouncing like rubber balls...and I'm still doing the best I can! (She IS going to be able to pay us tomorrow though....YAY!)
With all of my crazy other things, my house has become ground zero. Laundry piles are EVERYWHERE, toys are scattered all over my upstairs, my bed is coming undone when I sleep on it, I haven't done dishes all week, and my vacuuming has stopped. Feeling lousy, just isn't a solution when you have a messy house.
Well, that's it...that's my frustrations....I hope I can handle things better. I just hope....
I've started going out for training with my new job, and it's great...except my trainer (who is seriously AWESOME) is calling me CONSTANTLY! If you know me, I'm NOT a phone person...at all! She wants me to be free to do appointments all the time, and that's just not me. Maybe I've gotten into this TOO fast, but I'm feeling overwhelmed there! (Not that I don't love the program, but just feeling a bit like I'm being pulled in a few directions at once!)
Then I had SUCH a good week with my scouts last Wednesday, and this week?? Well, we're back to them disobeying, running, screaming, fighting...blah! We are going to implement a new reward/discipline system NEXT month...I really hope it works!
Then today I had a meeting with Cameron's school about what our plans for next year will be with the kid. The meeting was scheduled for 8:00 am, meaning, I had to get Baby J here early, Cam and I BOTH ready to go, and hope that Steve was home from work, so I could drive down the street to school with BOTH boys in the snow and rain. (Yeah, the weather was kinda wet today!)
The meeting was SET to start at 8, but do you think they could get everyone there??? *muttering under breath* The meeting FINALLY started 20 minutes after it was supposed to, and we started discussing my sweet boy.
The first person was his teacher...who LOVES him and has worked REALLY hard with the kid all year long. She showed us his scores from the beginning of the year to just last week. The kid has seriously slipped in where he was compared to the rest of the class. The things they're studying are just too hard for the kid, so instead of getting like a 76% on his tests, he's getting a 43%! She said that he DOES do better work when his in-class aide is there, but he's starting to depend on her TOO much.
Then they asked the resource team what was going on with him in their room, and they mentioned that he's easily frustrated, and is showing signs that he's just not getting it.
Then they asked ME what he's doing at home. INSTANT tears! (I'm just SO emotional when it comes to my boy....almost TOO emotional.) I told them that he tries hard to help out and be a good friend. Then I told them that when I ask him to work on some of his homework, instead of telling me that he doesn't know what it is, he gets frustrated and cries. If you push him too far on something challenging, the kid shuts down. He's just easily frustrated. It's almost like he's afraid to admit that he doesn't know something. Like he just can't find it in his heart to say the words, "I don't know."
Then we reviewed his score from the testing they did at the beginning of the year...the one where he was labeled mentally retarded. (They actually have a different term, but for the life of me, I can't think of it.) Anyway, I'm actually grateful for this term now...because of the results he got, he's now qualified for many services he otherwise wouldn't be able to do. Because of this label, Cam will definitely get the aides and classes that he needs to learn at his OWN rate.
Because of all of these findings with the boy, the whole group came to the conclusion that he'll fare better in the DACC program instead of a regular first grade class. DACC (Developmentally Accurate Curriculum) has children from Kindergarten to 3rd grade in a setting where they will each get a specialized plan where they can learn the same things the other kids their age are learning, but at a slower rate. We figured he'll do even better if he's in DACC than he'll do just thrown into a regular class with an aide. Honestly, this is the LAST thing I thought I would agree to, but after seeing how he's not following or even getting some of the concepts, I think it's best.
I guess I'm just having a hard time admitting (to myself) that Cameron ISN'T like other kids. That he can't just go on to first grade, and learn like other kids. That my son is in the "special" class. I know, I shouldn't judge...I shouldn't put unreasonable expectations on my child...every child is different....he'll learn at his OWN rate....but it's HARD for me to admit it. My one big concern with him being in this program (which only has a maximum of 12 kids in at a time) is his social development. Will he be able to play with other kids his age, interacting with them like he does now? Will they tease him? Will he get the social time that he needs to grow in THAT area? The teacher who is in charge of DACC assured me that not only do the kids do intense learning in her classroom, but they do have inclusion times where they are with the "normal" first graders.
I KNOW in my heart that THIS is what he needs, but I'm just feeling a bit drained by it all. Steve and I fought SO hard to keep him from going to this type of program, but it seemed that it wasn't enough. And once I told the group at the meeting that what they suggested sounded like it was what we needed to do, they ALL told me that I'm such a good mom. (HUH!?) They told me that they'd like to clone me for other kids who have parents who don't care. I just broke down even MORE.
Not only is he going to start integrating into the DACC program now (like starting NOW they'll be taking him in there for a half hour a day...) but they're also adding in-school Speech therapy to the long list of things he needs. He'll also be doing summer school....sort of a requirement for being in DACC...and he'll be in a class without his little friends. He's constantly asking me NOW who will play with him, or who will be his friend that day...and now....It's all just breaking my heart. I know, I shouldn't be feeling this way.
And then I'm babysitting a lot more than I had expected. When I have Baby J, I really can't do much...I'm not helping in Cam's class anymore (which doesn't ease my guilt over being a lousy teacher to the kid...) and I'm stuck home with a cranky, clingy, whiny boy. And because his mom just started a new job, they sent her first paycheck to her in the mail...and she didn't get it until today!! We are late on MANY bills...checks bouncing like rubber balls...and I'm still doing the best I can! (She IS going to be able to pay us tomorrow though....YAY!)
With all of my crazy other things, my house has become ground zero. Laundry piles are EVERYWHERE, toys are scattered all over my upstairs, my bed is coming undone when I sleep on it, I haven't done dishes all week, and my vacuuming has stopped. Feeling lousy, just isn't a solution when you have a messy house.
Well, that's it...that's my frustrations....I hope I can handle things better. I just hope....
7 comments:
I wish I could give you a big ol' hug right now. It seems like you're being torn apart piece by piece, from all directions at once. Not even Super Mom can take that for too long! Even though you'll have a difficult road ahead of you with Cam, I know you'll be a great mom and make the right choices for him. I hope you find peace and comfort, and a little bit of inner happiness along the way.
(((Dawnyel))) So sorry that everything is crashing down at once. Wish I could help or say something that would be comforting. Just know that you're not the only one who struggles with feeling overwhelmed!
I'm so sorry things are tough! I hope things will work out great and that you will figure out what to do to help Cam best!
{{{HUGS}}}}
Wow, it's so hard to be a mom. I am going through some struggles with tyring to get Halle in the right class for her. It's so hard to know what is right for them. And even harder to think someone might pick on or label your child. All we can do is our best and that is what you are doing. Hang in there!!
I know hearing those labels is hard. As a mother it hurts knowing that your child struggles and you can only do so much. Hang in there and remember you are not alone.
Now that Cam is in school would you be interested in working part time at his school? There might be something there that would work with your schedule. You could still be there for Cam and maybe make more $ which would help alleviate some financial stress. I am only saying this because I too have struggled with the stress of having a child with special needs (not that I'm trying to pass another label on you) and I've started working which has given me something to focus on besides my childs struggles. Cam really is lucky to have a mom like you. I'm glad that your school is on top of it and are trying to help little Cam. Maybe this new classroom will be a place where he can really enjoy learning and socializing. I wish you the best.
What a blessing that Cam will get what he needs, despite the mixed feelings!
And I think he'll do fine, socially. In fact, in a smaller setting, making friends might come easier, who knows? He's such a sweet kid, I don't think he'll suffer socially as much as a kid who needs to get knocked down a few times to learn that he's not the boss of the world would, if you know what I mean.
Okay girl...the cupcakes are SERIOUSLY in the oven!
See ya later tonight!
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