So Much For Peace

It was too good to be true. Jake makes it IMPOSSIBLE to have peace when Cam's in school.

While I was online yesterday, posting about Cameron and his first day of school, Jake found my fingernail polish. The boy painted the wall, my couch, his clothes and his body. I was SO upset! Then he was blatantly disobedient ALL day long.

So far today, he's messed with the computer, tried to stick his wet, sticky straw into the television, thrown toys AND the toy box, and run from me MULTIPLE times. He's going to kill me, isn't he?

Maybe having Cameron around IS helpful after all.

I'm Free! I'm Free! Uh, I Mean, First Day of School

We ALL (yes, including Cameron) have been looking forward to today for the past month or so. Cameron was beyond ready to see his friends again, have a set schedule, and learn. I've been ready for peace in my home those few precious hours while he's away. Don't get me wrong, I love Cameron and I love having him around, but there are many days when he and his brother fight SO much that I just want to be done being a mom.

Cameron woke up extra early this morning, excited. I woke up when the alarm went off, tired and excited as well. We didn't have to worry too much about his clothes, because he set them out last night.

We didn't have to worry about him forgetting any school supplies, he'd already dropped them off at the school when we went to the open house on Friday. It was pretty relaxing, until the boys got into another fight (over toy cars, of all things...) and mom did her usual yell of, "Stop! That's enough! Don't HIT! You're NOT in charge!!"

The bus came, and he was off...practically out the door before the bus honked it's horn.

I'm excited for him to learn more, meet new people and become a little more independent...but I'm really excited for the peace and freedom I'll have by only having one needy child at home. :D

Confessions

Lately I've been feeling *off.* Nothing too drastic, but I am not liking myself much lately.

Today I stayed home with both boys and I couldn't stop yelling at them. Cameron kept acting like he was in charge, telling Jake AND me what to do. Then when I would correct him and tell him that I was the one in charge, he'd yell at me and then break down crying. Then Jake would get crabby and would start to bite or hit and I'd yell and scream for him to stop. Then HE would cry.

I didn't feel like cleaning up my house, but forced myself to at least vacuum, which caused stress and strife with the boys.

Then when I took a short break in the bathroom (yes, I hide in the bathroom, doesn't everyone?) I heard screaming, hitting, crying and then the door being hit.

I don't like myself when I'm grouchy with the boys. I don't like it when my house is a mess and I just don't know where to start. I don't like feeling helpless when the boys are pushing me to my limits. I don't like being this person I've been lately.

All I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry...but I know I can't.

I need some uplifting thoughts and prayers.

Boys at the Zoo

We took advantage of a reduced price at the zoo and had QUITE the enjoyable time. Both boys were happy and enjoyed it all...then couldn't stop talking about it.

It's too bad the zoo isn't cheap EVERYDAY! ;)

Say Something! "Something."

Yeah, that's about how I feel. I feel like I need to say something, but I can't think of anything really blog-worthy.

Summer is coming to an end, and Cameron is beyond thrilled. He loves school and the schedule that it gives him. I enjoy school too, but mostly because I don't have constant bickering for about 7 hours out of the day.

My boys are tanned from being outside most of the time, and I'm so jealous. (Does that count as "something?")

Cameron has officially earned his Bear badge for Cub Scouts (and trust me, I'm a little shocked this one happened. I attribute it to his FABULOUS leaders!) He'll be getting it next week at Pack Meeting.

My house is ready for an actual schedule....for pretty much the whole summer I've let it go, and it shows.

Yup, that's it. I wish there was more going on, but sadly, there isn't.

Camping in a Hole

We decided to have our own little camping trip this weekend. Steve's family was going to have a barbecue, and we thought it would be nice to camp while Steve had the time off. Packing was a nightmare. Usually we go camping with my parents, who have a HUGE RV, and this time we had to take it ALL with us in our itty-bitty car. (Have I mentioned on here that the van is out of commission for a while? It's drivable for short distances, but anything longer than a mile away makes me leery.) We used the car-topper, and managed to fit it all snugly in the car. Thank goodness we were only doing ONE night...more than that and we might not have fit it all in.

Steve's brother found us a nice little campground, but it was windy, dusty and FILLED with earwigs. *Shudder* The boys had fun and we saw wildlife. On my way back from the outhouse (in the dark) I saw a deer. It looked at me, did a double take, then ran off. It was cool, but kinda creepy.

Then we had a fun barbecue with the family. It was a lot of fun. Jake and Cameron played with their cousin (who likes to play rough, and they're not used to it...) and I had some good conversations with the family.

We're sad it's over so soon, but glad to be home as well. It was an adventure....in earwigs. Did I mention those things were EVERYWHERE?! For example, we have a nice tent. On each of the 4 corners there is a little thing that holds up the poles. We took the tent down and had to shake out the corners and had HUNDREDS of earwigs come out. Seriously GROSS!! Then when we were at my brother-in-law's house and pulled out our lawn chairs THEY were covered with earwigs. SO SO SO gross!!

Glad to be home, earwig free. *fingers crossed*

"I'm Hungry..." Said the Potty

So anyone who REALLY knows me, knows that I hate potty training....with a PASSION! Cameron had a ROUGH time training (and still has accidents...shhh...don't tell him that I told the whole world that.) It was a LOT of work for me, and I really worried when I had another child that I was setting myself up to go through that Hell again.

Jake is now a little over two years old, and his diapers are just disgusting. Anyone who has toddlers knows this. Baby poop: gross, but manageable. Toddler poop: GROSS, it's almost big-people poop! Every chance I get (normally when I'm changing stinky diapers) I tell Jake, "You know, this would be SO much easier if you went poop in the potty..." To which he ALWAYS replies, "No!"

Last night I was with my family and my younger brother told Jake that pooping his pants is just gross. Then he said THE most brilliant thing I've ever heard, "You know, Jake, the toilet is hungry! He loves to eat poop and pee..." Jake was excited about this...and proceeded to run to the bathroom (now, I guess I should tell you that we were in my parents' backyard....FAR away from the house and I was sitting comfortably in a chair....)

I called him back to me and said, "What are you doing?"

Then he told me, "Mom, I gotta feed to'let!!" Then he was off again.

If he was serious, then I guess I'd better be too, right? So I took him on the long trek to the house, and sat him on the potty.

Wouldn't you know it, the kid POOPED!! I know, I was shocked too.

I figured it was a one-time shot, but just now, he said, "Mom, I feed to'let...." I hurried him into the bathroom and he farted. I know, nothing there, but it was a good try....

I hope things continue on this route, if we do, potty training won't be as horrendous as I had feared. *crossing fingers*

Home Again, Home Again

Tonight my little brother returned home from his mission. It was a LONG two years and he hasn't changed much, but things here have.

He was supposed to fly home around 6:00 pm, but because Hong Kong delayed his flight for two hours, he missed both of his connecting flights and had to wait for stand-by seats. THANKFULLY he was able to come home tonight still, but not until 10:30.

As soon as he stepped through the doors, his first words to us were: "I'm FREEZING!" This is from the man who is now used to 88 degree weather ALL the time. So I grabbed my levi quilt for him and he said it helped.

Cameron is the most excited about him being home...they were like brothers.

I'm glad he's home! I just don't know how long he'll stick around. Oh, well, such is life, right?

Early Birthday

All summer, we've commented on how much Cameron has grown, and how he now needs a bigger bike. I told him that he could have a new bike for his birthday....and then I realized that if he got the bike in October, he wouldn't be able to enjoy it for very long before winter set in and he couldn't ride it for another 6 months. SO, we got him his new bike TODAY!

Cameron was able to spend a special time with JUST mom and dad at the store buying his bike and school supplies. He LOVED every minute of it. I had worried that the choice of picking out a bike would overwhelm him, but he was QUICK. He chose the red one with the number ONE. Then he chose a helmet that matched. We reminded him that this WAS his birthday present and when his birthday comes all he's getting from us is a cake. He was okay with that.

He had a busy schedule today and was able to ride for MAYBE 30 minutes the whole day.

I think he'll enjoy it, but now we have a new problem: Jake wants a new bike too.

Remembering I'm In Holland and Not Italy, Yet Again

Last night, I came across a documentary on PBS called I'm an Artist. I was hooked from the moment I found that show. It's about a school in New Jersey for special needs kids of all different levels, ages...and their preparation for an art show. The teachers were loving to each of the students and encouraged them to show their creativity. The art teacher's saying was, "There is no right or wrong in art." You could tell that the kids truly believed it and they created the most BEAUTIFUL pieces of art I think I've seen.

The kids on the show reminded me of my sweet Cameron. The teachers reminded me of the wonderful teachers that he's had over the years. Then it hit me: Cameron IS a special needs kid. (Yeah, it's not something that I've EVER really let sink in....) For his whole life, we've treated him like he was a kid who would catch up to his peers eventually...a typical kid. We've been rough on him, but only because we felt it best to train him the way you'd train a typical child. Here's what I realized: I need to treat him like the special needs kid he is.

I was reminded over and over of the story I posted on here a while back about going on a trip to Italy, but finding yourself in Holland instead. I've always treated Cam as if he would one day "snap out of it" or he'd suddenly "catch up." It's been recently that I've realized that Cam might not (probably won't) ever catch up. He may never be the kid I'd hoped he'd be, and I need to treat him accordingly.

I think treating him like a typical kid is beyond his level of skill, so I think treating him with extra patience and kindness and showing him that no matter what he does, it's still beautiful will go a LONG way.