Lately I've been feeling *off.* Nothing too drastic, but I am not liking myself much lately.
Today I stayed home with both boys and I couldn't stop yelling at them. Cameron kept acting like he was in charge, telling Jake AND me what to do. Then when I would correct him and tell him that I was the one in charge, he'd yell at me and then break down crying. Then Jake would get crabby and would start to bite or hit and I'd yell and scream for him to stop. Then HE would cry.
I didn't feel like cleaning up my house, but forced myself to at least vacuum, which caused stress and strife with the boys.
Then when I took a short break in the bathroom (yes, I hide in the bathroom, doesn't everyone?) I heard screaming, hitting, crying and then the door being hit.
I don't like myself when I'm grouchy with the boys. I don't like it when my house is a mess and I just don't know where to start. I don't like feeling helpless when the boys are pushing me to my limits. I don't like being this person I've been lately.
All I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry...but I know I can't.
I need some uplifting thoughts and prayers.