Today I went to Cam's school to help out in the classroom and the school psychologist pulled me aside and asked to talk with me. I wasn't too worried, since I knew he was going to be retesting Cam to see if he needed to continue in the special ed program. I told Cameron's teacher where I was going, just in case she needed me, and hurried down the hall. Mr. J told me how fun my son is and what a good kid he is. Then he told me that he had tested him on Friday and Cam had tested WELL below average. Then he told me the technical term for that was "mentally retarded." When I heard that phrase, my stomach turned and I was instantly upset. Why do those words, while applied to my son, affect me in that way? I know it's a technical term, but it just gave me the mental image of a severely handicapped child. I've grown up with a handicapped uncle, so I know how wonderful those kinds of people can be. I know that they are special, but I have a hard time with that term being applied to my child. Why can't they come up with a better word or phrase for that? I'm trying to convince myself that "retarded" is like the musical term "retard," which means slow. I figure if I convince myself that this is what they really mean, then the term "mentally retarded" won't affect me in the same way. I had a similar problem when I went to see a doctor for myself earlier this year. He was talking into a voice recorder so he could have a record of who I am, and what my problems are. He kept using the term "morbidly obese" when he referred to me. And I really wasn't bothered by that term, probably because I KNOW who I am, and what I am. He apologized to me telling me that it was a technical term. I think him telling me that it was a technical term was worse to me than just saying it. Why do we have to have these terrible technical terms? Why can't we find nicer ways to say these things? I've come up with a few options: Instead of "morbidly obese," why not use "pleasantly fat?" Or what about "round?" Instead of "mentally retarded" why can't we use "delayed?" Or what about "slower than his peers?" I'd much prefer these terms, but for now, we're stuck with those dreaded technical terms! Signed, The morbidly obese blob and her mentally retarded child |
Monday, September 25, 2006
Technical Terms
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13 comments:
Oh-- *HUGE HUGS* That sounds like a a long, awful afternoon... wow. :( technically speaking is always going to sound bad... I agree though- it would be nice to have more pleasant words... reminds me of stciks and stones... but they lied- words *DO* hurt... May your evening be more full of wonderful thoughts.
I'm so sorry that you had a bad afternoon. I agree with you on the technicial terms. They need nicer ones.
I am so sorry that you have this to deal with. I hate, hate, HATE the sound of technical terms. After a rigorous day of testing in the spring by the Special Ed team at Jasmine's new school, she was diagnosed with having a "communication disorder." Even that didn't sit well with me. As parents, we try so hard and want so much for our children, and it hurts when we can't fix their boo-boos or take away their struggles. I wish your family the best, and I hope that Cam continues to get the help and guidance he needs to succeed and thrive.
After re-reading my post...I made it sound AWFUL!! Geez!! Sorry about that!
I actually am not overly worried about this "technical term." I was talking with my mom about it, and she said exactly what popped into my mind...I imagined him being referred to as mentally retarded being equal to someone who has Downs syndrome or some other severe handicap...and HE DOES NOT! In fact, the only thing wrong with Cam IS his developmental delay!
His NF1 has a LOT to do with why he's so delayed, and I've come to terms with THIS label! Cam is NOT handicapped in ANY way...he just has this stoopid term to deal with! (Why I compared his label to my label!!)
Don't get me wrong...I DON'T like the term, but I'm actually having a SPLENDID day! :)
Oh I hate those stupid terms. What does it MATTER what the technical term is? What they need to do with those tests is determine where his weaknesses are and address those weaknesses!!!
And to slap a label on a child of this age is in my mind criminal!! Who is to say he doesn't have other a disability that limits his ability to test well...like say Auditory processing disorder, where he's taking in information but has trouble getting it out?
And yet that label will follow him around whether or not he manages to overcome these issues, for his entire school days. If I were you I would fight like the devil to keep that label out of his file.
Can you tell I have some experience (and anger) about this exact issue?
Sorry to explode on you!
OK I'm having trouble so if this double posts I'm sorry.
I hate hate hate those labels! With a passion!!! What they need to determine with those tests is where he has weaknesses and then address those weaknesses!
And all to often what they do is slap a label on a kid and then force them into that mold. In my mind that is criminal!
Who is to say his developmental delay isn't due to something like Auditory Processing Delay (which my daughter has)which makes him test poorly because he can't get the information out of his head???
If I were you I would fight like the devil to keep that label out of his file. Because it will follow him around for the rest of his school career whether or not he overcomes his current disability.
Can you tell I speak from experience (and anger)?
Sorry to explode on you!
I agree those particular technical terms are harsh and to be honest I thought that they were outdated. I didn't think either of those terms were considered to be politically correct. (or nice, for that matter!)
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about it.
As the mother of a "severely delayed" child, the term "retarded" makes me cringe as well. By definition it means developmentally delayed but somewhere years ago it was used as a derogatory term. When I hear the word, I consider the age of the person using the word. Usually, it is someone older and they don't mean anything by it. However, I know exactly how you feel! HUGS!
I was surprised to know they used that particular term, as well. The first time I heard it was in a group, where I was on a committe of health care professionals, discussing issues about special need kids, and I represented "Parents". One Doc said, "I don't use that term anymore, it usually freaks the parents out"
And I was thinking *DUH* It's a horrible.. term.
My son, will have that same diagnosis tagged on to him as well. He's almost three and is cognitivly about seven months.
I know someone will say it, and I will have one of my breakdowns.
As for morbidly obese. GEEZE already. You'd think..
*HUGS* for you...
Love the .. other morbidly obese gal, with mentaly retarded son. Oh, well maybe even two of those. I have a 17 year old who has sever ADHD
Your physician has a HORRIBLE bedside manner. Yes that may be the medical term, but he should NEVER be dictating exam notes in front of you. It's no better than two people carrying on a conversation about you as if you aren't standing right there. Hello! You are a person not an object. How incredibly rude and insensitive of him!
You are right - the correct term is "developmentally delayed" not "mentally retarded.” I agree with the others – you would not be out of line to request that term NOT be used in your son’s records. It’s completely inappropriate.
sob sob...I am crying with you! Cam may be slow...but come on ... technical or not...they actually DON'T have to use technical terms with parents. So long as you understand that he needs special care and exra help...technical smecnical! pooie on them! Hugs to you on a hard day!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that!
I like your terms better too
Love another
Pleasantly plump mom of really energetic children.
As someone who grew up with a doctor and a nurse/OT for parents, I was raised to use technical medical terms only when appropriate. There was no judgement attatched to them, and in fact the only time I ever had my mouth washed out with soap other than for taking the Lord's name in vain (which I picked up at school) was for calling my brother "retarded." Then I got a long talking-to and learned what retarded really meant, and why it was not to be used as an epithet (because that marginalizes and dehumanizes people with different mental abilities.) I think that if people did not attatch a stigma to these terms or use them as epithets, the world would be a much better place.
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