In my last post I said that I was signing off for the weekend, what I didn't plan on was all of my free time today!
I think I'm crazy!! My cousin called me today and asked me if I can start watching her new baby on a permanent basis starting in 2 weeks. I said YES!! (Please don't throw those virtual tomatoes all at once!) I guess what cinched it for me was the fact that I'll only be watching him 2 days a week and those days will be Cameron free. With Cam going to school in a few weeks, I'll just be down to 2 kids, but now with baby J...the count is back to 3!! The nice thing is that it will add some more money to my dwindling funds...Hey!! I'm a contributing member of this family! *feeling proud*
I was reading through my normal blog reads for the day, and to my shock I found that a post I had commented on had magically changed. Now my very witty comments were no longer pertinent. *blushing* So I deleted them and commented appropriately! But just reading it made me feel frustration.
The basis of frustration would be seeming well wishers giving unwanted and unsolicited advice. I'm not saying I haven't done my damage in this area, because I've commented rudely before and have suffered from the consequences of that split-second thought. But as an infertile woman who's been trying for baby number 2 for going on 5 years now I related all too well to the "advice" that was given.
I was communicating with a dear friend from college via email. She had just announced that she was pregnant with baby number 2 and I was wishing her well, and updating her on my situation. I mentioned that we had been trying for several years for a baby and that I was in the process of seeing an herbologist who was helping us get pregnant. (I'd tried the clomid route and was UNIMPRESSED with the things my body had gone through on those drugs! I figured herbs are "natural.") Anyway, I didn't think much of it until I got her response. She said something to the effect that we shouldn't try so hard, if it was God's will, then it would happen. HOW COULD SHE!? Okay, so some of you may not understand the thoughts that I was, and feel now, just thinking about it. I was hurt. How is it she, someone who knows NOTHING of the pain I had felt be so passe about my feelings? How could she told me that I couldn't try? That I really SHOULDN'T try?! This coming from someone, who without even thinking about it, was pregnant so easily!? I felt betrayed by a friend. It hurt beyond words. I stared at my computer screen and tears blurred my vision.
It took me a LONG time to get over those feelings, but they're better. I still feel hurt, but it's not as deep.
I guess after reading that post I had relived those feelings and couldn't get out of town to enjoy my weekend without sharing here why I feel so strongly about that situation. I certainly hope I've not hurt anyone else's feelings with the comments I leave. If I do offend...please tell me...It's not my intention to hurt anyone!!
Now I'm really off...I swear!
I think I'm crazy!! My cousin called me today and asked me if I can start watching her new baby on a permanent basis starting in 2 weeks. I said YES!! (Please don't throw those virtual tomatoes all at once!) I guess what cinched it for me was the fact that I'll only be watching him 2 days a week and those days will be Cameron free. With Cam going to school in a few weeks, I'll just be down to 2 kids, but now with baby J...the count is back to 3!! The nice thing is that it will add some more money to my dwindling funds...Hey!! I'm a contributing member of this family! *feeling proud*
I was reading through my normal blog reads for the day, and to my shock I found that a post I had commented on had magically changed. Now my very witty comments were no longer pertinent. *blushing* So I deleted them and commented appropriately! But just reading it made me feel frustration.
The basis of frustration would be seeming well wishers giving unwanted and unsolicited advice. I'm not saying I haven't done my damage in this area, because I've commented rudely before and have suffered from the consequences of that split-second thought. But as an infertile woman who's been trying for baby number 2 for going on 5 years now I related all too well to the "advice" that was given.
I was communicating with a dear friend from college via email. She had just announced that she was pregnant with baby number 2 and I was wishing her well, and updating her on my situation. I mentioned that we had been trying for several years for a baby and that I was in the process of seeing an herbologist who was helping us get pregnant. (I'd tried the clomid route and was UNIMPRESSED with the things my body had gone through on those drugs! I figured herbs are "natural.") Anyway, I didn't think much of it until I got her response. She said something to the effect that we shouldn't try so hard, if it was God's will, then it would happen. HOW COULD SHE!? Okay, so some of you may not understand the thoughts that I was, and feel now, just thinking about it. I was hurt. How is it she, someone who knows NOTHING of the pain I had felt be so passe about my feelings? How could she told me that I couldn't try? That I really SHOULDN'T try?! This coming from someone, who without even thinking about it, was pregnant so easily!? I felt betrayed by a friend. It hurt beyond words. I stared at my computer screen and tears blurred my vision.
It took me a LONG time to get over those feelings, but they're better. I still feel hurt, but it's not as deep.
I guess after reading that post I had relived those feelings and couldn't get out of town to enjoy my weekend without sharing here why I feel so strongly about that situation. I certainly hope I've not hurt anyone else's feelings with the comments I leave. If I do offend...please tell me...It's not my intention to hurt anyone!!
Now I'm really off...I swear!
8 comments:
I'm so sorry that your friend hurt you like that. I try really hard not to give advice on anything I know nothing about, and I try really hard to put myself in someone elses shoes before I'd even think of trying to come up with something to say in those situatuions. I hope your weekend gets better! You've never offended me with any comments!
I just said something yesterday and was sure I had offended a good friend immensely. She actually didn't even remember the conversation when we talked about it today. I am so sad you were hurt. And congratulations on the new little one added to your daily routine! (or should I more realistically say, weekly routine!)
Having spent some time on both sides of this fertility issue (with the 5 miscarriages and now pg with my 3rd), I should know well enough not to make any comments or offer unsolicited advice to people.... especially those who are struggling in this department. I realize that it is something painful and personal to discuss even in the best circumstances. I truly am sorry if anything I have said in the past few months concerning this has bothered or offended you. I know how bad you want another baby! And HECK... you do whatever it takes to get one. If it means seeing an herbologist, you do it! If it means running down the street naked while flailing your arms and screaming at the top of your lungs like a wild banchee to communicate with the "fertility gods".... go for it! I'll support you all the way. I am so sad and sorry for your struggles.
I have a really hard time believing you could offend anyone - you're so sweet! :)
I'm sorry for the pain that email caused. It's hard enough not being able to conceive right when you want to, without having to deal with others' comments. Every baby is a miracle.
Oh no!!!!!!!!!!! I wasn't pointing a finger at you! Did you think I was. Nope-- I have zero issues talking to ladies who completely get what it is. It helps- we cry together, when they say "I know how you feel" you know that they DO know! And teh comments.. I try to remind myself that people are just people-- but something so.. sacred/sad/depressing isn't as easily forgiveable - at least for me. Oh-- for teh sitting thing-- I think it's great-- everything works out eventually. Hey-- gonna email you about something else. ;)
Oh gosh-- if CD's right all it takes.. *giggle* Who would have thought to try that-- wahahahahaha!
I am with Carebear Mommy! If you want to run naked down the street...go for it! I can see the article in the paper now!
There are so many who do not understand pain...to them I say PPHHLLLTTTHHH... leave alone what ou do not understand (fingers in the turkey sign).
I do not claim to know what you are going through...I do claim to be a caring and loving friend who is here at any time to talk if you need me!
OH Dawnyel I know exactly how you feel -- been through virtually the same thing.
A close family member believes very strongly that prayer is the only fertility "drug" you should use, and for the life of me I can not understand why she can't understand that when I prayed, my answer was "Go to a doctor."
We all have different situations and different needs. And frankly assuming that the you have the right to receive revelation for another person is unrighteous dominion.
So now we have another family member having fertility issues (seems to run in the family) and I no longer feel compelled to hold my tongue when she spouts her position.
It's not that I even disagree with her, I just know from experience that sometimes the Lord directs us in different paths according to our needs.
I have one son who had seizures that would cause him to stop breathing. During one episode I implored my husband to give him a blessing -- I was convinced that was all he needed. My husband no sooner put his hands on his head and began the blessing when he yelled out immediately "CALL 9-1-1!" Guess what, that was the answer we needed as they got us giving him the correct medical procedure -- mouth to mouth, something I know, but in the moment wasn't rational enough to think of.
So HUGS and definitely pray for the help you need, and good for you for having the guts to follow the inspiration you've received. It doesn't have to be mine, hers or anybody elses. HF knows you personally and your needs, he'll obviously have a different plan for you than anyone else. And shame on your friend for not realizing that!
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