I'm SO depressed! I had a whole post written out in my head, but it doesn't even seem worth it anymore. I'm just feeling like I'll NEVER be able to get pregnant again, and it isn't a very nice feeling. We're coming up on having tried (or not prevented) getting pregnant for 5 years. FIVE years! My son is spoiled rotten, I've got an ache in my heart, and I'm frustrated beyond words. It seems like everywhere I turn I see another pregnant lady, or hear of one, or see someone who complains that they just LOOK at their husband and they're pregnant. Can I just hurt them? They just don't understand the hurt I feel when I hear their complaints.
I just want to feel happy and complete.
I know I should be grateful for Cameron, but for some very personal reasons, I can't just be satisfied with him. I do love my son with all my heart, even when he's a big pain in the butt, and don't know where I'd be in my life without him to fill in those empty spots. BUT I'm aching inside. There are some who will understand, and there are those who won't, but I am hurting, and it's hard to get over that hurt.
12 comments:
*hugs*
Dawnyel, I'm so sorry that your heart aches so much. Hang in there.
I am so, so sorry. No words can ease the ache. I haven't been trying as long as you, but it hurts me too. It's on my mind constantly these days. I just haven't talked about it. Please email me or IM me anytime you want to talk. I know the feelings. It hurts and you have every right to hurt. My prayers are with you.
Dawnyel I'm sorry! {{{HUGS}}}
I know it's easy for me to say "Hang in there" when I have no idea how it must feel to be where you are at in your life, but as you know, I have seen others struggle through this in their life too. My aunt tried everthing for about 10 + years to get pregnant, she wanted to be a mother so very much. And although she's never had children of her own, Jon and I are about as close as it gets to having them. It hurts me to know that she'll never know the feeling of holding her own child in her arms for the first time, but I think God had a greater purpose for her in life. Also, look how long Jen had to wait before she was blessed with her beautiful daughter. Skyler is a year older than Cam and it has taken her five + years to have another child. So although it may sound patronizing from someone who has never been where you are at with this issue, I do agree with everyone else that you just need to hang in there and continue to do what you're doing. Listen to your heart and have faith that it will happen, even if it's not when you had most hoped it would. Never forget that you have a mass of support, both online and off.
I have no words. Just know that I'm thinking of you. :-(
I admit that I truly don't understand...and truthfully I am glad that I don't. What I do understand is that a dear friend is hurting...and for that I wish I could take it all away from you! I wish that I had some power to fill in that hole. When you are hurting your friends hurt with you reguardless of thier own situations. You are loved, and I can't explain why you are called to endure this trial. But I do know that if you do everything that you can do, endure it well you will be blessed on high. I know that does nothing to ease your pain right now...but it is the best I can offer. LOVE! HUGGS!
I wish I knew the right words to say. I know that everyone has to go through trials of heartache, but still, when it happens it can be so hard to understand and feel peace. I do understand what heartache feels like, even if it's a different kind. ***hugs***
Keep strong and hang in there Dawnyel! :)
If I weren't 800 freakin' miles away, I'd go over there and give you a big ol' hug. And then I'd give you one of those red little numbers we chatted about... gift wrapped, of course.
Seriously, though, I'm not gonna try to say anything to make you feel better, because I know that it won't work. It might even backfire, especially coming from me. I am sad that you are hurting, and I wish you didn't have to go through this. I hope and pray that you will be able to have another baby someday, because I know you are a good mom, and it is truly what your heart desires. ((HUG))
{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I'm sorry. I have not experienced what you have; I can't sympathize, but I can and do empathize. I am sorry you hurt and I hurt for you. I wish that I could make it better. I wish I could give you some of my hyperfertility. I wish I could wish a baby into existence for you. I can't, but I do love you. And I hope that your trying will be rewarded with results, soon.
And I know that since I don't know what you're feeling like, something I just said might have hurt you more. So if it did I sincerely apologize, and slap myself upside the head on your behalf.
We're (you me & Rachelle) IF sisters. :) Seriously, I so get the pain, and liek Rachelle says- it's constantly on my mind as well... and sometimes looking at my son and knowing he's 8 1/2 yrs old, and I have had no living children since... it just crushes me... even though, like you said, I shoudl be happy with him- some days I just not.
Some think it's awful- to those I say shut up, because unless you've travelled the road you don't know. And sometimes people who want to "help" hurt me worse than those who ignore it...
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