I know...you probably weren't expecting to hear from me for a really long time since I posted THREE times yesterday, but I can't help myself....I'm now a Blog-aholic too! I even went exploring other blogs yesterday and found one that I related to fairly well. She talked about her infertility problems and I guess I'm just a softy (or I'm hormonal) but I got very moody when I read about her struggle to get pregnant. I guess I could tell my story, but I may just get emotional again...it's been such a struggle for me and it's kinda hard to tell without getting frustrated over it, but here goes. (Maybe it will be therapeutic for me!)
When Steve and I decided it was time to get pregnant with our son we had prayed and gone to the Temple and felt that it was the time to try. We really hadn't planned on having a baby right away, heck, we'd only been married for a little over a month. But we felt that if the Lord was telling us that it was time, that we had better listen. So we tried. I do remember the frustration after the first month and finding a negative result on the test. It's kinda funny to look back and see how frustrating I had been after so short a time, but I got over it quickly and we tried again. By Valentine's Day of 2000, I was having the symptoms of being pregnant, but I believed that it was PMS, and not pregnancy. So when I had taken the test and saw the results I had to take another one to confirm it. So after only 3 or 4 months of trying I was pregnant. So as for getting Cameron here, it happened very fast!
After Cam was a year old, we decided to start trying...not necessarily "trying," but not preventing anything if it were to happen. We started out that way for a while and funny enough, most of my cousins were trying at the same time. About the time they all got pregnant, I was a bit frustrated. Babies were born all around us, but none were coming to us, so we were upset and frustrated with the whole situation.
After 2 years of trying I was having other problems and decided that I HAD to go to the gynecologist. When I went to see him I told him that we had been trying to get pregnant for 2 years and he prescribed Clomid. For those of you who don't know about Clomid, it's a fertility drug which causes your body to ovulate. He gave us a four month dose and said that if it didn't work after this to come back and he'd work with us. I don't have any health insurance, so going to the doctor wasn't a cheap thing. I went immediately out of the doctor's office with a lighter step and a happier out-look. I thought that this would be the end of my problems. I went and filled the prescription and about fainted with the price of these 5 pills....$60!! We couldn't afford that, but we decided to make sacrifices so that we could make our small family grow. We went through the different months of taking the Clomid and found that it just made us more frustrated than before. I HATED taking that medicine. I felt pregnant every month, but it was only a side-effect of the drug. Not only was I feeling pregnant, but it caused me to be extremely mean and moody. There was one point where I was so mad at Steve that I hit him. I don't say that because I'm proud of it, but to let you know how horrible this drug made me.
After that ran out I didn't want to go back to the doctor. I had been told by 2 different people that they knew of someone who had seen this herbologist and had their eyes read and they got pregnant very fast. I figured that herbs were more natural than those hormones had been, so I went in for a try in February of 2005. She read my eyes and told me things that I mostly knew about myself, but didn't really want to think about. She put me on several herbs and told me to come back when things started working again. I went to see her for a few months before things started working like clockwork again. Then she told me that my body was about ready to get pregnant and to let me know when it happened.
In May of last year I had to help my mom get things ready for our annual camping trip on Memorial day, so I ended up packing and shopping...doing all of the things that she normally did. I overworked myself that weekend and on that Sunday, while we were in town for church, I had a miscarriage. I didn't react the way that you probably would have expected, I was thrilled. I had tried and tried for a long time and finally I had gotten pregnant. Steve and I weren't broken like I had thought. I didn't know that I was pregnant, or I'm sure I wouldn't have taken it as well as I did. I went to tell my herbologist about it and she was excited for us too. Then I stopped going for a while, mostly because people told me that after a miscarriage they got pregnant right away and I hoped the same would go for me.
Well, here I am 4 years into trying for number two and I'm still waiting. After I took my last pregnancy test my husband had me call several doctors to see what could be done for us, and I ended up going to one of them, and I found out that I have insulin resistance and that is most likely the culprit for my infertility. Our only problem now is that we can't afford the medication that I'm supposed to take to help me with it.
We just continue to pray and hope that somehow I will be able to get pregnant. We have looked into adoption, but we can't afford that yet. If we can't get pregnant soon, I think we will be going through that process within the next few years.
I didn't get as emotional as I thought I would. I just get tired of trying and trying only for negative results.
On a funny note, my husband is a bit frustrated with his blog-aholic wife. He tells me that he's afraid to tell me everything because he's afraid it will end up here for the whole world to read. He needs convinced that I'm not gossiping about him. Maybe one of these days he'll finally read it and see that I'm not doing what he thinks I'm doing. We'll have to see.
When Steve and I decided it was time to get pregnant with our son we had prayed and gone to the Temple and felt that it was the time to try. We really hadn't planned on having a baby right away, heck, we'd only been married for a little over a month. But we felt that if the Lord was telling us that it was time, that we had better listen. So we tried. I do remember the frustration after the first month and finding a negative result on the test. It's kinda funny to look back and see how frustrating I had been after so short a time, but I got over it quickly and we tried again. By Valentine's Day of 2000, I was having the symptoms of being pregnant, but I believed that it was PMS, and not pregnancy. So when I had taken the test and saw the results I had to take another one to confirm it. So after only 3 or 4 months of trying I was pregnant. So as for getting Cameron here, it happened very fast!
After Cam was a year old, we decided to start trying...not necessarily "trying," but not preventing anything if it were to happen. We started out that way for a while and funny enough, most of my cousins were trying at the same time. About the time they all got pregnant, I was a bit frustrated. Babies were born all around us, but none were coming to us, so we were upset and frustrated with the whole situation.
After 2 years of trying I was having other problems and decided that I HAD to go to the gynecologist. When I went to see him I told him that we had been trying to get pregnant for 2 years and he prescribed Clomid. For those of you who don't know about Clomid, it's a fertility drug which causes your body to ovulate. He gave us a four month dose and said that if it didn't work after this to come back and he'd work with us. I don't have any health insurance, so going to the doctor wasn't a cheap thing. I went immediately out of the doctor's office with a lighter step and a happier out-look. I thought that this would be the end of my problems. I went and filled the prescription and about fainted with the price of these 5 pills....$60!! We couldn't afford that, but we decided to make sacrifices so that we could make our small family grow. We went through the different months of taking the Clomid and found that it just made us more frustrated than before. I HATED taking that medicine. I felt pregnant every month, but it was only a side-effect of the drug. Not only was I feeling pregnant, but it caused me to be extremely mean and moody. There was one point where I was so mad at Steve that I hit him. I don't say that because I'm proud of it, but to let you know how horrible this drug made me.
After that ran out I didn't want to go back to the doctor. I had been told by 2 different people that they knew of someone who had seen this herbologist and had their eyes read and they got pregnant very fast. I figured that herbs were more natural than those hormones had been, so I went in for a try in February of 2005. She read my eyes and told me things that I mostly knew about myself, but didn't really want to think about. She put me on several herbs and told me to come back when things started working again. I went to see her for a few months before things started working like clockwork again. Then she told me that my body was about ready to get pregnant and to let me know when it happened.
In May of last year I had to help my mom get things ready for our annual camping trip on Memorial day, so I ended up packing and shopping...doing all of the things that she normally did. I overworked myself that weekend and on that Sunday, while we were in town for church, I had a miscarriage. I didn't react the way that you probably would have expected, I was thrilled. I had tried and tried for a long time and finally I had gotten pregnant. Steve and I weren't broken like I had thought. I didn't know that I was pregnant, or I'm sure I wouldn't have taken it as well as I did. I went to tell my herbologist about it and she was excited for us too. Then I stopped going for a while, mostly because people told me that after a miscarriage they got pregnant right away and I hoped the same would go for me.
Well, here I am 4 years into trying for number two and I'm still waiting. After I took my last pregnancy test my husband had me call several doctors to see what could be done for us, and I ended up going to one of them, and I found out that I have insulin resistance and that is most likely the culprit for my infertility. Our only problem now is that we can't afford the medication that I'm supposed to take to help me with it.
We just continue to pray and hope that somehow I will be able to get pregnant. We have looked into adoption, but we can't afford that yet. If we can't get pregnant soon, I think we will be going through that process within the next few years.
I didn't get as emotional as I thought I would. I just get tired of trying and trying only for negative results.
On a funny note, my husband is a bit frustrated with his blog-aholic wife. He tells me that he's afraid to tell me everything because he's afraid it will end up here for the whole world to read. He needs convinced that I'm not gossiping about him. Maybe one of these days he'll finally read it and see that I'm not doing what he thinks I'm doing. We'll have to see.
2 comments:
Thankyou for sharing your story. Although I have already heard most of it from you first-hand, there were certain aspects that I did not know; it was good to read it. I, too, understand how sharing feelings and frustration about such a sensitive topic can be "therapeutic". I hope that sharing it has helped you, and perhaps it will help someone else who comes across it. I also pray that, one day, you will be able to have another child.
And I don't think Steve would have anything to be embarrassed about if he were to read your blog! At least, not where HE is concerned!
Thanks for sharing your heart, bless you.
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