Sunday, January 10, 2010

Musings....

Lately, I've been thinking about another baby. Not that I'm announcing anything...heck, I am NOT announcing anything. I've been thinking about how I would love to try for a little girl, but every time I think of another baby in my family, it's a boy (in my mind.) I would love love LOVE to get pregnant again soon, but at the same time, I'm wondering if I should just be done with the whole thing.
Here's my thoughts. I'm very happy and content with the two boys I have. I have been blessed beyond measure to have been able to be the mommy to these little guys. I realize that there are MANY who wish for the things I have, I KNOW beyond anything that I am SO SO blessed. The main thing is that I am very happy with my boys. They make me happy (most of the time) and I am pleased that they love each other and get along fairly well. The age gap is something I have to explain a lot, but it's getting better. I find that Cameron is a LOT of work, and Jake is a ball of energy. They keep me very busy and I am VERY exhausted most days.
When I think about them as teens, I realize that with my big age-gap, I will be going through those rough teen years for a VERY VERY long time. I'm not sure that I really want to throw another child in the mix to make those teen years even longer.
I'm also feeling my age a bit more these days, yes, I am not *old* but I am not quite as young as I feel like I should be either. I know I shouldn't do this, but I find myself comparing my life with my mom's. By the time she was my age, she was done having kids and had SIX of us to boot. I always imagined that by the time I was 30 I would be done having babies.
My main argument for not having more kids is the fact that I feel very blessed and I don't want to push my luck. I am content with the kids I have and I am VERY happy.
This is not to say that if I DO happen to get pregnant that I would be UNhappy....but I just don't feel the constant need to try for another child right now. Well, I lied, I don't PHYSICALLY feel the need to try for another baby, but mentally and SPIRITUALLY I feel something different.
Since Jake was a baby...I'm talking less than a month old, I've had a little spirit nag at me that they need to be a part of my family. I was really thrown when Jake was just weeks old and I was sitting by myself, counting my kids and found myself looking for the third child. That feeling has NOT gone away with time, in fact, it seems to get bigger and more prominent the further along I get.
Like I said though, I'm not sure I should press my luck, but if there IS another child (and I feel there is) then he/she better find a way to sneak in....trying to conceive is just TOO hard and TOO much work.

6 comments:

H A L to the G's Ma said...

I so know how you feel, I'm in the same boat. I KNOW there is at least 1 more but I get so overwhelmed lately. I had all 4 of my kids sitting on my bed with me a couple months ago and felt the presence of another one so strong, I couldn't deny it. My Grandma passed away on the 30th and since then I can't get the thought of another baby out of my head. I think Grama has something to do with that. If we start trying right now they will be just 2 months shy of 2 years. Sounds perfect. Now if I could just convince my husband and convince myself 100% we are good to go.
I think you and Steve should pray about it, the Lord will let you know if it's time or not. Good luck, you know you make cute babies.

Mattsmom said...

In my experience that feeling means exactly what you think it means. Decisions decisions!

Paul and Gaylene said...

I felt the same way after my twins were born. But we had deided to not ahve any more because of health . So for the last 3 and a half years I have been wanting a baby and knowing it wasn't going to happen. I was trying to get some insurence so that I could get a hysterectomy. And we just found out last month that I was pregnant. If the lord wants you the have another baby it will come to you. That is how we have always had our kids. We don't try we just wait until the lord tells us its time.

Jewelle said...

Dawnyel I think you know the answer you are looking for. If you've felt there is a spirit missing, then there probably is. Trying to have kids is hard, I can testify to that. BUT you know that the reward from becoming pregnant outweighs all that stress and hard times. You just said how much you love your two little ones. A third would probably bring you more joy and love. Good luck with whatever you choose, I'm sure it will be the right decision for you and your family.

stevie kay said...

Obviously I second everyone else's idea to pray. Also, if the stress of trying to conceive is overwhelming to you, don't try. I know it's not always been that easy for you, but if there is another spirit up there waiting to come, then I wouldn't be surprised if they found their way here as long as you didn't do anything to prevent them.

And I frequently find myself looking for that third child. I hope he/she doesn't mind waiting until we at least have insurance again :-)

Rebekah said...

I had the feeling with both of my kids pressign against the veil, waiting and becoming anxious to get here. Even though I'm ecpecting, I still feel more children waiting to come into our family.

Coceiving was a diffecult idea for Lars and I both and we could never get ont he same page about when to try or when to stop trying. I think the lord knew that for us, if we were going to have children, they would have to come when neither one of us expected it.

Everyone woman and couple is different. You are an amazing person and are part of the church and know all the answers of what you should do. I know you'll make the right decision for you and your family. Either way, you and Steve make beautiful and smart babies. <3