Lately, I've been thinking about another baby. Not that I'm announcing anything...heck, I am NOT announcing anything. I've been thinking about how I would love to try for a little girl, but every time I think of another baby in my family, it's a boy (in my mind.) I would love love LOVE to get pregnant again soon, but at the same time, I'm wondering if I should just be done with the whole thing.
Here's my thoughts. I'm very happy and content with the two boys I have. I have been blessed beyond measure to have been able to be the mommy to these little guys. I realize that there are MANY who wish for the things I have, I KNOW beyond anything that I am SO SO blessed. The main thing is that I am very happy with my boys. They make me happy (most of the time) and I am pleased that they love each other and get along fairly well. The age gap is something I have to explain a lot, but it's getting better. I find that Cameron is a LOT of work, and Jake is a ball of energy. They keep me very busy and I am VERY exhausted most days.
When I think about them as teens, I realize that with my big age-gap, I will be going through those rough teen years for a VERY VERY long time. I'm not sure that I really want to throw another child in the mix to make those teen years even longer.
I'm also feeling my age a bit more these days, yes, I am not *old* but I am not quite as young as I feel like I should be either. I know I shouldn't do this, but I find myself comparing my life with my mom's. By the time she was my age, she was done having kids and had SIX of us to boot. I always imagined that by the time I was 30 I would be done having babies.
My main argument for not having more kids is the fact that I feel very blessed and I don't want to push my luck. I am content with the kids I have and I am VERY happy.
This is not to say that if I DO happen to get pregnant that I would be UNhappy....but I just don't feel the constant need to try for another child right now. Well, I lied, I don't PHYSICALLY feel the need to try for another baby, but mentally and SPIRITUALLY I feel something different.
Since Jake was a baby...I'm talking less than a month old, I've had a little spirit nag at me that they need to be a part of my family. I was really thrown when Jake was just weeks old and I was sitting by myself, counting my kids and found myself looking for the third child. That feeling has NOT gone away with time, in fact, it seems to get bigger and more prominent the further along I get.
Like I said though, I'm not sure I should press my luck, but if there IS another child (and I feel there is) then he/she better find a way to sneak in....trying to conceive is just TOO hard and TOO much work.