I guess you could call me a glutton for punishment. For the past I don't know how long I've been glued to my television...watching all of the specials, movies, and theories thrown about September 11th. I'm finding it hard to sleep...wondering what new theory I will miss if I sleep. The other night I stayed awake watching Inside The Twin Towers on Discovery...it was SO interesting to me. I found myself hoping beyond hope that the people I was watching on this show would make it out of the buildings and live long, healthy lives. I even found myself hoping for a different outcome to what had really happened. I was praying constantly that God would bless those courageous people, and help them to live a normal life, knowing full well, in the back of my mind, that my prayers were in vain.
I can't help myself. Last night I was on my couch for a solid 3 hours watching ABC's presentation of The Path to 9/11. I hadn't even planned on watching it until I heard all of the controversy over it. To be honest, I hadn't even heard of it until then. So I watched in horror as I relived that time in my life.
The show started with the first bombing attempt on the World Trade Centers in 1993. Now, I vaguely remember this happening. I do remember talking about it for a while, but I don't remember all of the details...I was only 13 years old! I was more concerned at that time with who was going to sit with me at lunch than what was going on in the world. (My sad, but true, reality!) I never realized all of the scary things that were (and are) happening in the world. (I know that they say that show is not meant to be a documentary, but there are many true elements that have shocked me!)
Why do I submit myself to this torture?
Why do I submit myself to this torture?
It's because I NEVER want to forget the way I felt that day.
On that day, my world had changed (as I'm sure MOST of yours did as well). Before then I was a new mother with big hopes for my son. But, on that day, my hopes for my son changed. I, now, wanted him to grow up free from fear, I wanted him to know that people are basically good, and I hoped that he would be free from harm. I had worried that because of these problems that had (in my mind's eye) just started, my son would grow up in a totally different world than the one I had loved.
I had been glued to the tube then, like I am now. (I guess not much has changed in that regard.) And I also found myself turning more and more to my Heavenly Father for peace of mind and seeking for answers.
Today I am grateful for the things that I have in my life. I have a larger patriotic spirit that I never knew existed. I raise my son with caution, probably frightening him more than I should, but in a way that makes me feel at peace. I've learned that I can't rely on the outside world for peace...it must come from within my own home and heart. I feel like I've become a stronger woman, mother and wife because of the emotions that I experienced that day. I hope that I can only get stronger and learn to rely on the Lord more and more!
Today I am grateful for the things that I have in my life. I have a larger patriotic spirit that I never knew existed. I raise my son with caution, probably frightening him more than I should, but in a way that makes me feel at peace. I've learned that I can't rely on the outside world for peace...it must come from within my own home and heart. I feel like I've become a stronger woman, mother and wife because of the emotions that I experienced that day. I hope that I can only get stronger and learn to rely on the Lord more and more!
7 comments:
What a great post. I too have been glued to many of the shows. I never want to forget how I felt that day because I think forgetting leads to complacency. I cannot take the freedom of my nation for granted.
Thank you for writing this.
The event is still so fresh and shocking and sad that I find it hard to write today.
I appreciate your honesty. I will keep in touch with you.
I have been way too busy to watch the specials this week...so I am pretty grateful that you wrote this. It helped me to remember a lot of things that should never be forgotten.
I haven't watched any of the specials, but I avoid watching news programs. Great post.
I recorded that "Path to 9/11" thingy last night, so hopefully I'll get a chance to watch it soon. Isn't it like a 2-part minisiries or something?
It is a two-parter...I'm recording the second part tonight! :)
I can't bring myself to watch the news or any of the shows related to 9/11. It's too personal. I was born and raised in the Bronx, NYC. My brother worked at the World Trade Center until he was fired weeks before the first plane hit (thank God!). My dad was there, outside, having coffee before starting his shift and saw the events unfold. He ran to ground zero to try to help. He said he'll never forget the things he saw, the smells, what he heard. He said it was like being in a war zone. For many days I couldn't get a hold of my family because the phones were all jammed and traffic had stopped. People were walking on the highways out of manhattan to get home. I was living in Georgia at the time (we are in the Navy) and it was horrible not knowing if they were OK... seeing my home attacked like that... just typing this and thinking about it is making me feel upset again. Sigh. And on Montel to day... the show was focused on the rescue workers who responded, and are now very sick but the government is denying their claims. That's just evil.
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