It's forever preserved in my journals. I'm cringing just thinking about them.
I wasn't a PERFECT journal keeper, but I was pretty good about it. I would write down my EVERY desire, hope and dream. I confided my secrets there and I said exactly what I thought knowing that I wouldn't have to worry about what anyone else thought.
So knowing I could write whatever I wanted, I REALLY did.
Last week, I was having a hard time sleeping (which is actually a new thing....I can't sleep when I should...) so I pulled out my journal and read it. I figured it would help me remember all the fun things I love about Steve (since it covered the time right before I met him until about the time I started blogging...) and I realized something.....I WAS SO STUPID!
Oh, my heck. Don't say, "You're not stupid...really, you're such a nice person..." No, I was dumb. Like, naive teenager, dumb. I cannot believe that Steve decided to go on a date with me let alone fall in LOVE with me.
I thought I knew it all. I KNEW that one day I would marry ********* (fill-in-the-blank...) I just KNEW it.
Oh, gag me...please!
I guess you could call it the innocence of youth, but I just think I was plain dumb. Brain-dead...dumb.
I would share here, but I want you all to continue to think that I'm smart.
Let's just say, I'm VERY glad that over the past 10 or so years I've learned a LOT. I've grown a LOT! I've learned to rely on my family and my Heavenly Father over my friendships. (Not to say I don't have good friends, but I don't put ALL my trust in them.)
I will say that I had a ball in college. I loved my experience living in the dorms and making new friends.
Believe it or not, when I first went to college I was SUPER home-sick. I hated being on my own, and locked myself in my room crying for the first week. Eventually I learned that I didn't want to live my life like that, and I learned to like myself and to make friends with people who liked me too. After that first week, I became QUITE the little social butterfly. I went to dances, school activities...and I didn't make ANY apologies for who I was. (Although, looking back, I probably should...)
Now I've learned that I like who I am. I quite enjoy my personality (even though sometimes it CAN be a little loud and over the top) but I have also learned that I don't know NEARLY as much as I thought I knew. And that's okay.
I used to think it would be great to go back in time and re-live those days....now, with perspective, I'm happy to be where I am and WHO I am.