Why Do I Always Get This Way?

Tonight at Family Home Evening, my aunt, who has brought her girls to our family's FHE for years and years, announced that all three of her daughters (ages 23, 21, and 19) are pregnant. None of them are married, but two DO plan on marrying the fathers of their babies soon.

I'm just bummed. I know that life isn't fair, I get it, I truly do, but why them? I am a faithful daughter of my loving Heavenly Father, I try my best to do what's right, I'm married in the temple....why not me?

(Yes, it's a pity party...)

After my aunt announced this, she turned to me and said it was my turn. I only WISH it was that easy. (To be truthful, we've been trying for another baby for a while now....I wasn't too concerned about it, but when I hear news that others are getting pregnant SO easily, or what seems to ME to be easily, I freak out a little.)

I'm going to be a booger for a while, don't mind my mood...it will pass, but for now, I'm a bit bitter and upset.

Here's Jacob

I'm not QUITE up to my normal movement and endurance, so I hope these pictures will suffice until I can tell the WHOLE story! (Just know, that this baby is THE most beautiful baby I've ever seen!!)

Well....

So the computer is acting up....AGAIN! GAH!! Yeah, Steve tried to install the actual anti-spyware software he bought at the store, and POOF!! Our start up tool bar disappeared. Then today, he tried to just TURN the dang thing on, and black screen! I'm ready to be DONE with the stupid thing!! I just know that my friends all live in it! :(

So I've got a little over 24 hours until baby #2 comes, and I'm freaking out!! Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED to be having another child, but there are some anxieties that I'm facing. I love having Jacob where he is, he's SO easy to take care of while he's inside of me, I'm not so sure that I'll be able to handle TWO kids! I'm also waking myself up after my 5th or 6th nightly potty break. (Usually around 4:00 in the morning) and I can't fall asleep. I end up staying awake until 7:00ish, and it's driving me nuts! I'm SO tired, and I know this is my last full week of uninterrupted sleep! WHY!? I'll wake up and think, "Hey, I should remember to pack such-and-such...." Then I start to think of all of the other chores and things I have to do to prepare my house for this little boy. Then I just get myself all worked up and just can't sleep! So not fun!

Cameron is also going to the Learning Center and doing amazing!! He loves it and I know he needs it. We've also set up transportation for him, since I won't be able to drive him around for at LEAST 2 weeks after the c-section. He loves it, but I'm getting frustrated with the transportation people. They're great, don't get me wrong, but they're confused. I hope things are better now!!

I've been having insane dreams as well. I dreamed that I'd had baby #2 and he looked identical to Cameron, and I had a hard time telling them apart! (Yes, in my dream there was STILL an 8 year age difference, but that didn't matter!) So crazy!! I also dreamed that my mom, dad, grandpa, and Cameron crashed their way into the operating room. I'm so anxious about everything that these insane dreams aren't helping!

My sister and husband decided to come up for a summer break. (I'm SO excited!) She's got such a cute little bump! (Compared to my monsterous belly!!)

And we've cut off Cam's hair again. It was nearly to "hair-pulling length," and I know I won't be up to buzzing it when Jacob is here (at least for a while) so I cut it tonight. We left it long on the sides and back to make him look a little more like my grandpa!! (Yeah, cheap entertainment!)

Friday's the day I have the baby. I will let you know the details when I can, but we don't have access to the computer, so it may be a while....don't give up....you WILL know! :)

Back, But Not Quite....

Camping was great. It rained pretty much the whole weekend, but that was fine...I was in the motor-home the whole time! ;) (I even have beautiful pictures of where we ended up camping and the motor-home, but I can't share them now....I'll explain why in a minute!) I had contractions the whole time, but they weren't steady or regular. It was just a pain! (Literally!) I laughed and just had a great time!

Coming home was GREAT! I can't believe how much I missed my honey! Just seeing him daily makes me smile! I really wish HE could have gone with us, but dang work...

Anyway, the reason I may not be around so much is for a couple of reasons.....

1) Uh, I'm about to pop with this baby. I feel HUGE! (I'll post pics when I can...seriously, I've got QUITE the gut!) Walking around is a miserable endeavor, but it's still doable. If I do too much I end up having those contractions that I really don't need....and it's just not fun. So for the most part, I stay off my feet and relax. You can understand that, right?!

2) Our computer is STILL out of commission. The spyware is so ingrained into the computer that someone has to manually go in and take it off. The two computer places we trust in town quoted us at $200 and $170....ICK!! But Steve told me that our WONDERFUL home teacher said he'd do it for free. Honestly, can you love anyone more?! So when the computer IS fixed I will post more! I promise! Until then, I've got to sneak quick peeks at my parents' house or the library! POO!!

Home Stretch

Well, things are moving, moving, moving.

As of this week, I now see the doctor weekly, with additional visits to the hospital.

Today we attempted to do a non-stress-test at my doctor's office, but her equipment isn't quite as sophistcated as my floppy belly needs. I sat and waited for an hour and a half for some good readings and got nothing! (On top of the crappy equipment, the baby was totally being stubborn. He was asleep for the majority of the time!)

The doctor told me that she wants me to go do NSTs at the hospital TWICE a week! TWICE!! (It's because I'm on insulin.) So now I get to go see the doctor AND go to the hospital! Such a joy! But I did tell the doctor I'd do whatever it took to get a healthy baby, and I mean it!

As of Friday, I have 3 weeks to go!! WOO HOO!!

We Make Boys!!

So my little sister had her ultrasound today and they found out she's having a boy. She didn't MEAN to tell me, but it just slipped out! (But I SWORE I wouldn't tell....hee hee!)

Steve just laughed when I told him, and then he said, "Huh, no girls for us!"

And you know, he's right!! We have 2 boys (well, Jacob isn't QUITE here yet, but we count him anyway...) Steve's brother has a boy, Michelle will be having a boy, and on her husband's side of the family they've got 2 boys.

I guess it's just a sign that we only do one thing, but I think we do it pretty well!!

Congrats, Michelle!! :)

Belly?? or Baby??

You tell me! ;)

(By the way, I'm 34 weeks pregnant in this picture.)

Well...

We've got a date for when Jacob will be cut out of me....June 6, 2008. I was SO hoping I could get 06-07-08, but Dr. H will be out of town. So the day before is what we've got scheduled. I can't hardly wait!!

The other exciting baby news is that he's "big." As soon as I was measured the doctor told me that he's definitely big. I guess all those cute, little clothes I got probably won't last very long!

Oh, now for the poopy news....the back window of our van WILL be replaced tomorrow, but instead of $200.....it's going to be around $300!! Yeah, I hate these kinds of things!

And to end on a happy bit of news, at least for me. I've been noticing little things when I watch ABC....in between some commercials I see a phrase, "the Mole was here" with a fingerprint in the background. I've been hoping and praying, and it's TRUE!! My absolute favorite show of ALL time is coming back, June 2nd!! YAY!!

Can I be Done Yet?

Okay, so I've still got about 6 weeks until this baby is fully-cooked, but I'm wondering, can I be done now?

My bladder is a bouncing bag for this little boy, and I end up waking up 5-6 times a night, JUST TO PEE!! It's getting super annoying!

He's also REALLY low, which causes me all sorts of pains which, apparently, makes Cam amused. ("Mama, you walk funny!") Yeah, I waddle and my back hurts BAD!!

I've got pretty much EVERYTHING I need (or thought I needed) for this baby. I've had dream after dream about this child, and I'm SUPER anxious to meet him.

We even pre-registered at the hospital today.

I want to be done, but I guess I also want a healthy, fully-cooked baby! *sigh* Six weeks isn't THAT long, right!?

Keep On Truckin', Right!?

I had one of my regular 2-week appointments yesterday, and things seem to be fine. The only problems I'm encountering are with my blood sugars. Lately the fasting sugars have NOT been the best. I have to call my other doctor sometime this week to see what needs to happen. (I think the problem is that I'm now SUPER SUPER hungry, and I can eat a bit more, so I do....and it's not the things I *should* be eating...) I should really TRY to not eat sugary sweets after dinner.....

The other issue is I'm starting to swell. Not as bad as I did with Cameron, by any means, but after church on Sunday I did notice my feet were puffier than normal. I guess it's a good thing I've got ugly foam shoes that will allow me to wear shoes even if my feet are hideously fat.

Cameron has been going with me to these appointments, and he LOVES to hear the heartbeat, even though he thinks he can help the PA find it. Silly boy!! Not that I'd let him touch my naked belly anyway, but ya know....

And after my HAPPY Spring post, it snowed today! I think I may pout just a bit....I want SPRING!!

Crazy Dreams and Little Sleep

That's it for my "bad" news. :) I'm having insanely crazy dreams....ones where there's a psycho ghost baby who is EVIL, but I'm the only one who believes it. So I'm forced to take care of it. (This "ghost baby" was found in Cam's school....what she was doing there no one knows...) I've also dreamt that while Cameron and I went 4-wheeling in the middle of nowhere I ran across my parents. We had run out of gas, and were walking when we saw a castle. They were staying in the castle, that was modernly furnished on the inside, but after a quick peek, the whole castle collapsed with them inside of it. Cam instantly became super-heroey and saved them. Then that same night, I dream that I'm telling my mom about the castle dream. I even show her where the castle was supposed to have been.

Yes, dreams plague me! I get so deeply into my dreams that I sometimes forget where I am when I wake up.

On top of this, my hips are spreading, which causes me constant pain! Finding a comfortable position is not easy, and when I do find that PERFECT spot, Steve will invariably roll toward me and snore in my face or ear, depending on the side I'm sleeping on.

Such fun! :P

On a happier note, I saw my doctor and she's proclaiming that everything is going well. I have normal-ish blood pressure (top number was SLIGHTLY high...only 4 points up...), decent blood sugars, we're not worrying about the ketones, and I had a side-ache checked out (I worried it might be kidney problems....) and there was nothing to worry about....probably just the hip pain or just normal aches of pregnancy.

The baby is doing well. He's a mover. He likes to move VERY low in my belly. In places where Cameron just CANNOT feel! (Although he tries...) When the doctor measured my tummy, she said he's definitely NOT small. I guess that's good!

Now I wait a few more weeks. Then I'll be doing the weekly visits and more monitoring! As long as we get a healthy baby, I'm all for doing whatever it takes!

(OH, and I did NOT schedule the c-section date yet....I have yet to register with the hospital, and I think that COULD be an important factor....)

On another doctor related note, I found out that we may have to make a day-trip to Salt Lake next week for an NF1 study Cam is participating in. We thought we were finished until October, but I guess they need to do some more testing on the boy. *sigh* At least I'll get to see my study-coordinator friend, who I JUST told I was pregnant! :D

Countdown

At church last Sunday I had probably 10 people come up to me and ask when I was going to have this baby. TEN!! (I didn't think I looked THAT miserable!) And happily I could announce that I have 3 months left. In the same thought bubble, I realized, "HOLY COW!! I only have 3 months to get things ready for another baby at my house! I'm NOT ready for this!!"

Happily I can say that we DO have a lot accomplished:

• crib and bedding.
• general clothing.
• car seats.
• Boppie. (The COOLEST thing ever!)
• burp cloths...although, they're in my downstairs hole....SOMEWHERE!
• a bouncy seat.
• extra blankets.
• high chair.
• play pen. (Which for the first few months will double as the bassinet.)

BUT there is SO much more that I need to get before I feel like I'm ready. I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed, but in a good way.

Things I've yet to get:

• swing.
• jumper chair (not necessary IMMEDIATELY, but would be nice for when he gets bigger.)
• diapers and wipes.
• air conditioning for the upstairs, where I feel I'll be spending the majority of my time.
• bottles (not that I want to put him on bottles as soon as I have him, but it would be nice to have them for when I need them.)
• binkies. (I'm HOPING this baby will be a good sucker, unlike his older brother...)
• breast pump. (Yeah, for what you THINK I need it for!) ;)
• the little head rest thingy that goes around babies heads when they're in the car seats.
• baby monitors.
• a diaper bag.

My only hope is that on Monday my doctor will allow me to schedule my c-section. (I've been told I have to wait until a month before the due date....I'm such a planner I want to get everything squared away NOW!) Such a short amount of time to get SO many things done! *sigh*

In the Air

This weekend my little sister and her husband came for a visit. While they were here they announced that they are expecting. I think my sister wanted a bigger reaction to the news, but we've all been hoping for this for so long that it was a pleasant surprise instead of instant shock.

She's due in September and so far has had no morning sickness. Am I a bad sister to wish that she experience what I had??

I'm excited and pray that all goes well for her! :)

***********************************************************

While she was here we went to let my grandparents know the happy news, and I'm getting sad about the fact that my grandpa's memory is gone. We were there for an hour and a half, and in that time he asked me multiple times if I was pregnant. (Which they've known for a while!) I'm pretty sure the poor man has alzheimers, and I'm sad to see that change. Looking in his eyes I could see a child-like innocence.

Thankfully, he's not gotten agressive with us, but he's not so nice to my grandma. I worry about them!

Movement

This pregnancy has brought me many exciting things. The thought of another baby is SO exciting to me. I'm sure if I had been able to concieve when I wanted to, things wouldn't necessarily be the same....but because of this wait, I've learned to cherish EVERYTHING this child has brought.

Last night was one of the things I've been looking forward to for a LONG time. For 4 weeks now I've been able to quietly enjoy the fluttery movements of my baby (sometimes they're not so "fluttery...") and last night, I was able to feel the baby pushing through my belly....with my hand!! Outside movement has been something I've waited for, and last night, Steve got to enjoy the little movements, and this morning Cam got to feel his sibling kicking his hand (probably the only time it will have the upper hand over him!)

I love this, and just HAD to share!!

Another Doctor Appointment Down....Many More to Go

On Monday we (meaning me, Steve AND Cameron) went for my monthly check-up. We didn't wait too long when the nurse called us back. I was weighed (with shoes on, and STILL managed to lose weight...) and were ushered back to the room. Either they really like doing ultrasounds on big girls like me, or that was the only room available, but we were jammed into the teeny ultrasound room where Cam instantly found annoying, noisy toys.

The nurse took my blood pressure, which after being stuffed into that tiny room really wasn't the best. She then sent me to the little girl's room for a urine sample (the most fun part of ANY doctor's appointment, right? *eye rolling*) Anyway, once I came back to the room I read Cam the little board books that were there, and he loved it. Then Dr. H came in. She asked me how I was doing, and I told her about my little sleep problem (it's constant....even when I SHOULD be babysitting, cleaning or something else, all my body wants to do is sleep...) and she said it was normal with these meds and to get used to it. Then she added that I should probably be taking 3 pills a day instead of just 2....GREAT!! Just add to my sleepiness....*sigh*

Then she had me lie down and we did YET another ultrasound. This time it actually LOOKED like a baby. I could see it's little arms and legs, and I could even make out it's teeny face. She was pressing so hard on my tummy that the peanut JUMPED, or at least, that's what it looked like. Cam was so fascinated with it, and after she printed off the pictures and Cameron took them around, showing off "his" baby!

All in all, everything looks good, and I'm so relieved!! Only 2 more months until we can find out whether little peanut is a boy or a girl. :)

LONG Break...Well, for ME Anyway....

I've been TRYING my hardest to get over my head-cold, and for the MOST part, it's gone. Thanks to some online friends, I discovered pregnancy-friendly drugs to help me sleep. Benedryl is my FRIEND! ;)
Otherwise, I've been hanging out, babysitting, and stressing. The stressing is coming from my brother-in-law's baby shower this Saturday. He's been calling us OFTEN, and I, being dead-brain-preggo-woman, volunteered to help him with games, IF he needed me. Well, guess what, he "needed" me! So I've been dreaming of things that I just KNOW I'm going to forget. See, bil lives an hour away, and since we're not seeing them or my pils (hee hee...."pils") until next year, most likely, we're taking baby gifts, games, Christmas presents, our old Christmas tree/old star, and cooler with us. (Good thing we have a large vehicle...)
The only "new" news from me is that I've discovered that with my head-cold, I wasn't nauseous....AT ALL!!!! I would gladly take head-cold stuffiness over constant nausea ANY DAY!! Unfortunately, now that the head-cold is nearly gone, my nausea is back!! :( And it's WORSE than it was before. (Read as: I've been puking....boo hooo!)

Visiting Dr. H

Seriously I love my doctor, but MAN, is she EVER busy!!

Today I went for what was SUPPOSED to be a blood pressure check.....I didn't get back for an HOUR!! Plus, today I was babysitting, so I had to monitor every move that little J did (especially when there was a Christmas tree all decorated nicely in the lobby!)

Then back in the back, I was chasing that little boy ALL over the place....it was new, and he wanted to explore!!

The highlight of the visit?? Peeing into the cup! Yeah, anyone who's had to do this KNOWS what I'm talking about. Why do they make those darn things SO small?? And not only that, but I never knew that just being told I had to use the restroom could inspire SO much urine!! I filled that little cup nearly to the top!! (Yeah, more than you PROBABLY wanted to know!) Then I was asked to carry it to the exam room, while tagging along a curious little boy and his bag of fun. UH, I spilled....and THAT'S NOT pretty!! :P

Then when the nurse checked my blood pressure (which, of COURSE, had risen since I had been chasing little J all over....) it was HUGELY high!! The nurse was a little worried, but told me to lay back on the table and relax. Then she left me to "relax." Is it even POSSIBLE to relax when there's a one-year-old boy running around an enormous EMPTY room?? I tried laying back on the paper covered table, with pillow paper-covered as well, but everytime I did, the pillow would NEED to deflate!! This, in turn, caused a grin to cover little J's face, ear-to-ear!!

Soon (okay, so it was probably 20 minutes later) Dr. H came into the room and invited me to follow her to the ultrasound room. I was thinking to myself, "Do I NEED another ultrasound?" But apparently this is how Dr. H works! (My mom wonders if she likes to do ultrasound instead of finding the heartbeat with the little doppler-thingy...) She closed the door, neatly rounding up little J...who immediately proceeded to whine, and began the ultrasound.

Last week I could see the heartbeat SO easily, this week?? Uh....it was all blobs to me. Dr. H assured me that it looked just fine, but this time I noticed something else....the baby was spinning circles. Anytime she'd get ready to point out the heartbeat, the baby would spin!! It was CRAZY!! I hope this isn't a sign of things to come!!

All in all, I've learned a FEW things: If at all possible DO NOT take a curious child with you on routine visits. Peeing in a cup is a talent, but carrying the filled cup to the room is an art. And you will ALWAYS be surprised!! ALWAYS!! ;)

Here's the Peanut

The doctor put the ultrasound on my tummy and announced, "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" (Can I tell you how much I LOVE this woman!?)

I did all of the first time tests, and paperwork, and now we're off and running....and ALL is well!! In fact, the Doctor's words to me when she saw the baby on the machine was, "Everything's PERFECT!" YAY!!

The little heartbeat was the most BEAUTIFUL thing I've seen in YEARS!!

Hormones

Last night, I was watching my usual Dancing With the Stars results show (anyone wanting to discuss the TRAGEDY of last week, feel free to do that here...) and when LeAnn Rhymes sang "How Do I Live" and the dancers came out I IMMEDIATELY cried....and it lasted for a while too!! And let me mention here, that I VERY MUCH dislike LeAnn Rhymes' version of that song....VERY MUCH!! I was just OVERWHELMED with feelings. I know I can blame them on hormones....but that's okay, right!?

Hormones have also caused me to do something pretty drastic today...I chopped off my hair!! AND it feels HEAVENLY!! (Steve has put our camera somewhere....and once I get it, I will post pics!)

I can't imagine what my hormones are going to do when I'm further along!!

So Worried

I can't believe the WORRY I go through!! I'm officially 8 weeks along today, and I haven't thrown up ONCE!! Honestly, I was puking up both of my lungs at this point with Cameron. Yes, I know each pregnancy is different, but not being sick is worrying me!! I do have constant nausea (unless I eat) but no pukage!

My belly is getting bigger, but I think it's more from eating constantly than from a growing baby.

The only thing that keeps me from completely worrying is the peaceful feeling I have about the whole thing. It's going to be okay!! I just feel it! But at the same time, I can't help but worry!

Hopefully next week my worry will be lessened by my first visit with my doctor!!