Echo?

Seriously, I'm talking to myself, I know it, but come ON!! :(

I'm going off somewhere to pout.

Phone Woes

Yesterday I jumped onto our computer to do a few things and found that the internet wasn't working. I didn't really think too much of it, and played a game until Steve woke up. Once he was awake I told him that the internet was off, and I didn't know what was wrong.

He played around with it for a while and eventually figured out that it was more than just a messed up modem.....our whole phone system was off. The phones weren't working. (No WONDER it had been such a quiet, peaceful morning...) He asked me if I'd paid our bill, I told him I did, so I didn't know what was wrong.

I hurried over to my mom's house to use HER phone to call the phone company. After 15 minutes I was told that they were going to send out a technician to fix the problem....TOMORROW.

How in the world was I going to live without the internet for a full day? This was going to be torture!

My mom let me borrow her cell phone, just in case I needed it for anything, and then I hurried home to tell Steve what was going on before he had to go to work.

That night, I played with my boys. We made cupcakes (making a MESS) and then we watched TV. After they were in bed, I played my computer game for HOURS. Once Steve came home after midnight, I even went to the store. I have to admit, driving around town at 2:30 in the morning is SO fun and relaxing....there is NO ONE you have to worry about. I went to Walmart and bought the new Harry Potter movie, drove around a little bit and then came home.

This morning I waited for the repairman to come. Finally around 10:00 there was a knock at the door. I hurried to answer it, and found it was a repairWOMAN. She was very kind and said that the problem was coming from INSIDE our apartment. She quickly checked all the phone jacks that we have in use....clearing them almost instantly. After taking her upstairs to my bedroom, she asked if there were ANY other jacks, I said I didn't think so, then she asked if there was a jack in the boys' bedroom. Funny she should mention that, there IS one, but we don't use it....

Unless you happen to be 2 and 3/4 years old, full of mischief and in possession of a tinker-toy. Jake had taken his orange tinker-toy stick and STUCK it in the jack. I was SO embarrassed.

Thankfully the lady was understanding and said it happens all the time.

Now we're back. (YAY!) But I'm seriously contemplating banishing tinker-toys from my house.

One More Mommy Confession

Yesterday, while the boys were obnoxious and bouncing off the walls, I got super frustrated. The thing of it is that they like to bang on the walls that we share with neighbors. I don't mind so much when it's just them banging on our inner walls, but the shared walls makes me crazy because I'm so afraid the neighbors are going to think we're rotten neighbors.

I could hear them banging on the shared wall and I said, "You know boys, you need to be more polite. You shouldn't bang on the wall we share with the neighbors, because they might call the cops. And if they do, I might be tempted to let the police take you both away...."

Silence for a minute...

Cameron called back, "Maybe Grandma would want us."

Teach ME for Trying to be a Good Mommy....

So my last post was all about tattling on Steve and his mistakes. (Believe me, the only reason I posted it was because the man RARELY does stuff like this anymore....he just has had a bad couple of days....) Now it's time to tattle on myself....

Today I took Jake with me to the store. I've been watching Sonic's commercials for their hot dogs....and they look REALLY good. So I figured I'd make my own hot dogs for lunch, but I needed to get some decent hot dogs (I'm a weenie snob....I only eat Falls Brand Beef Wieners.) and some buns. I also decided to buy some chili blocks, and the only store that I KNEW had what I wanted was across town. I took my chances and went across town to get the stuff.

When we were checking out, Jake happened to see the soda display. I was in a good mood and decided to let him choose a soda. I have been craving a Dr. Pepper, so I opted for caffeine, knowing I'd probably fall asleep anyway, then I let Jake pick his own. He grabbed a new soda by Sunkist. In this part of the country, we rarely have caffeine in our Sunkist sodas. I figured he was safe.

Once we got home I made our lunch and poured Jake's soda into a cup. I refilled his cup 3 times. I ended up giving him about 1/2 of a 16 ounce bottle.

After lunch, I planned on making the boy take a nap, because he stayed up WAY late last night and woke up WAY early today. He was in DESPERATE need of sleep. I turned on his cartoons, and held him on my lap. (This is how I usually get him to snooze....it's also tradition for me to fall asleep sitting up and holding the child, possibly snoring in his ear. It's soothing, I swear!)

Two hours later, he was just wiggly and NOT ready to nap.

Finally, I thought, "Wait, doesn't SOME of Sunkist's drinks have caffeine?" I went to check the bottle. Sure enough, the fourth ingredient was caffeine. I wanted to hit myself in the head. Are you KIDDING!? I'd given my already hyper child ENERGY juice!?

(At this point, I WAS impressed that the boy sat still for me for 2 hours, but still....) So I let him run around....this only made the energy grow and grow and grow.

I will NOT be doing this again, I can assure you....

Heck, there's a special spot on the label that SAYS it has caffeine!

See, I COULD have saved myself SO much frustration, but I was only trying to be a good mommy.....

A Fork?? REALLY!?

Today started out as another fabulous Sunday. After church I came home and quickly put dinner together. It took me a half hour of cooking and rearranging, but I got things ready. Cameron was a HUGE help by washing off the table and setting it. While I was trying to get my gravy to boil, Cam asked, "Mom, big forks or little ones?"

Now something random you should know about me....I don't CARE what size fork I eat with. Truly, I don't. In fact, I almost PREFER a smaller fork over the huge one.

But in the end, I left the choice up to Cameron. I said, "I don't care...." Truly meaning that I did NOT care one way or the other.

When we sat down to eat, Steve traded forks with Cam. Steve, apparently a different creature from me, DOES care. He was just about to start eating when Cam whined, "What happened to my big fork!?"

At that point, Steve tossed the big fork back to Cameron, and then took back the smaller fork.

(Seriously, this whole thing just BAFFLES my mind....) Here I have a 10 year old fighting with his 33 year old father.

I think I said something to the fact that it REALLY didn't matter, did it? Why fight with a 10 year old over something SO stupid? Steve got all huffy and angry and suddenly got up and went upstairs.

Both boys watched their dad throw his tantrum and then asked me, "Mom, what's wrong with daddy?"

"Daddy's throwing a tantrum, he'll be back later...don't worry about him."

(I am NOT making this up....this is REALLY what happened....)

I'm still trying to figure out WHY this whole thing happened. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Cameron and his daddy don't get along very well....but really, a FORK!? Next time, if you REALLY need that big fork and I have one, please, PLEASE take mine...I honestly DON'T care!

Gotta Clean

Jacob is one motivated little boy. Today while I was on the computer (only for 20 minutes, that's not long, is it?) Jake managed to get into something quite important.

I turned around to talk to the little boy and noticed the wet wipes were emptied from the package and laying all over the floor and entertainment center. When I asked Jake what he was doing he said, "I gotta clean!" Then he proceeded to "clean" the TV and the mirror.

I can't get mad at the boy, because he's got a good point, the house DOES need cleaned, but I just think there's a better choice than wet wipes.

***************************************************

On a side-note, I've been reading a REALLY good book that has me looking at motherhood a little differently (probably why I didn't freak out when Jake emptied the wipes....) It's called For Every Mother: Celebrating all ages and stages of motherhood. The author is wonderful. She's the mother of 10 children, so she DEFINITELY is an expert in motherhood. This book is filled with short excerpts, stories and poems that will make you think a little differently about being a mom. I know that I'm trying harder to enjoy those moments I used to dread with my own boys.

If you're struggling with being a mom, finding that you are upset and feeling overwhelmed most of the time, check out this book....it's truly wonderful.

Going to General Conference

I've never been to see Conference live, but I've always wanted to. I was able to go to a Young Women's broadcast, but that's not QUITE the same. So when our bishop announced that he had tickets for Conference, Steve, without even asking me, got some tickets for us. Jake is too young to go, so it was just Steve, Cameron and I.

We dropped Jake off with my parents early Saturday morning, and off we went. The drive was VERY pleasant and drama free.

We arrived in Salt Lake City JUST as the first session of Conference got finished. We went downtown and ate lunch at Subway. We watched throngs of people walking down the street. It was quite the sight. People after people....it was awesome.

We finished our lunch, and decided that the sooner we parked and got to the Conference Center, the better.

Parking was almost a nightmare, but because we had a pass, we were safe. We quickly found a spot, parked and off we went for our long walk.

Once we got to Temple Square the people were OVERWHELMING! I'd forgotten that people use General Conference time to protest our church. One man was holding a sign, I never really read, but he began yelling, "You cannot enter heaven unless you are born again! HAVE YOU BEEN BORN AGAIN, YOU MORMONS!? Jesus saves, but you must believe in him!" He went on and on....I wanted to laugh at him, I mean, the NAME of our church is "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints." His name is RIGHT there!

We went to the door our ticket said to enter through, and were told by many helpers that we just needed to find a door, the door with the shortest line....

We went through the metal detectors, had my purse searched and went to find our seats. Cool enough, our section is on the second level almost STRAIGHT across from the rostrum.

I kept telling Cameron that when the Prophet came in, we'd stand in reverence and wait for him to sit, and to remember the feeling he felt when the Prophet came in. We sat excitedly for a while, talked with a few members of our own ward who'd gotten tickets as well....then there was silence as people stood. If you've never experienced being in the place where a prophet of the Lord is, it is truly special. The Spirit is SO strong.

Once he was seated, we all sat and waited for the Conference to start.

I will say this, if you're prone to fall asleep watching Conference at home, it's NO different in the Conference Center. I found myself nodding off. I didn't want to do that, so I doodled. I ended up doodling a whole page of curly-cues.

The messages were wonderful (like always) and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

At the end, I felt like we should just go straight home instead of following our plans, but then I brushed off my thought and didn't say a word. Little did I know, Steve had the same "thought...." What we NOW know was truly an impression from the Spirit we should have heeded.

When it was over, we visited some friends who'd moved to Layton, and stayed to play while Steve went to Priesthood session with our friend. By the time they got back, it was late, and we HAD to leave. It was raining buckets, but we were okay. Once we got to the Idaho boarder though, it was snowing, HUGE, FLUFFY snowflakes. With the lights reflecting off of the snow it looked like we were driving through space. You know how warp speed looks on movies and television?? Yeah, we were going warp speed....except it was only like 40 mph. We had to stop at a rest area to get our bearings, because the normal night-time tunnel-vision was 100 times worse with snow. We said a prayer, and slowly made our way home. We followed some sweet person most of the way through the snow and eventually made our own way once the snow dissipated. What's normally a 3 hour drive took us over 4 hours. But we made it home by midnight.

It was a great day, and one I wouldn't mind doing again, MINUS the snowstorm.

35 Gifts to Give your Children that They’ll Never Forget

I must admit, I did NOT come up with this list. I am borrowing the advice from a friend. It's a great reminder that the best things kids need are US.

**************************************************************

1. Affirmation. Sometimes one simple word of affirmation can change an entire life. So make sure your children know how much you appreciate them. And then, remind them every chance you get.

2. Art. With the advent of the Internet, everyone who wants to create… can. The world just needs more people who want to…

3. Challenge. Encourage your child to dream big dreams. In turn, they will accomplish more than they thought possible… and probably even more than you thought possible.

4. Compassion/Justice. Life isn’t fair. It never will be – there are just too many variables. But when a wrong has been committed or a playing field can be leveled, I want my child to be active in helping to level it.

5. Contentment. The need for more is contagious. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an appreciation for being content with what they have… but not with who they are.

6. Curiosity. Teach your children to ask questions about who, what, where, how, why, and why not. “Stop asking so many questions” are words that should never leave a parents’ mouth.

7. Determination. One of the greatest determining factors in one’s success is the size of their will. How can you help grow your child’s today?

8. Discipline. Children need to learn everything from the ground-up including appropriate behaviors, how to get along with others, how to get results, and how to achieve their dreams. Discipline should not be avoided or withheld. Instead, it should be consistent and positive. (See Parenting with Positive Guidance by Amanda Morgan).

9. Encouragement. Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. The simple words that you choose to speak today can offer encouragement and positive thoughts to another child. Or your words can send them further into despair. So choose them carefully.

10. Faithfulness to your Spouse. Faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Your children will absolutely take notice.

11. Finding Beauty. Help your children find beauty in everything they see… and in everyone they meet.

12. Generosity. Teach your children to be generous with your stuff so that they will become generous with theirs.

13. Honesty/Integrity. Children who learn the value and importance of honesty at a young age have a far greater opportunity to become honest adults. And honest adults who deal truthfully with others tend to feel better about themselves, enjoy their lives more, and sleep better at night.

14. Hope. Hope is knowing and believing that things will get better and improve. It creates strength, endurance, and resolve. And in the desperately difficult times of life, it calls us to press onward.

15. Hugs and Kisses. I once heard the story of a man who told his 7-year old son that he had grown too old for kisses. I tear up every time I think of it. Know that your children are never too old to receive physical affirmation of your love for them.

16. Imagination. If we’ve learned anything over the past 20 years, it’s that life is changing faster and faster with every passing day. The world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And the people with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.

17. Intentionality. I believe strongly in intentional living and intentional parenting. Slow down, consider who you are, where you are going, and how to get there. And do the same for each of your children.

18. Your Lap. It’s the best place in the entire world for a book, story, or conversation. And it’s been right in front of you the whole time.

19. Lifelong Learning. A passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please teachers. It begins in the home. So read, ask questions, analyze, and expose. In other words, learn to love learning yourself.

20. Love. …but the greatest of these is love.

21. Meals Together. Meals provide unparalleled opportunity for relationship, the likes of which can not be found anywhere else. So much so, that a family that does not eat together does not grow together.

22. Nature. Children who learn to appreciate the world around them take care of the world around them. As a parent, I am frequently asking my kids to keep their rooms inside the house neat, clean, and orderly. Shouldn’t we also be teaching them to keep their world outside neat, clean, and orderly?

23. Opportunity. Kids need opportunities to experience new things so they can find out what they enjoy and what they are good at. And contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t have to require much money.

24. Optimism. Pessimists don’t change the world. Optimists do.

25. Peace. On a worldwide scale, you may think this is out of our hands. But in relation to the people around you, this is completely within your hands… and that’s a darn good place to start.

26. Pride. Celebrate the little things in life. After all, it is the little accomplishments in life that become the big accomplishments.

27. Room to Make mistakes. Kids are kids. That’s what makes them so much fun… and so desperately in need of your patience. Give them room to experiment, explore, and make mistakes.

28. Self-Esteem. People who learn to value themselves are more likely to have self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. As a result, they are more likely to become adults who respect their values and stick to them… even when no one else is.

29. Sense of Humor. Laugh with your children everyday… for your sake and theirs.

30. Spirituality. Faith elevates our view of the universe, our world, and our lives. We would be wise to instill into our kids that they are more than just flesh and blood taking up space. They are also made of mind, heart, soul, and will. And decisions in their life should be based on more than just what everyone else with flesh and blood is doing.

31. Stability. A stable home becomes the foundation on which children build the rest of their lives. They need to know their place in the family, who they can trust, and who is going to be there for them. Don’t keep changing those things.

32. Time. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get back or take back. So think carefully about who (or what) is getting yours.

33. Undivided Attention. Maybe this imagery will be helpful: Disconnect to Connect.

34. Uniqueness. What makes us different is what makes us special. Uniqueness should not be hidden. It should be proudly displayed for all the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.

35. A Welcoming Home. To know that you can always come home is among the sweetest and most life-giving assurances in all the world. Is your home breathing life into your child?

Update on My Path to Forgiving

It's been a little over a week since I decided that I needed to move on and work on forgiving my step-grandma. I've prayed like crazy, gotten FANTASTIC advice, and had lots of time to think. In the last week I've come SO far...in fact, on Sunday I actually SPOKE with her...for the first time since the night we argued. It went well, I survived and we spoke kindly and without bringing up the ugliness. After it was over I didn't even feel anger toward her. It was gone.

I still feel like I'm not COMPLETELY there, but I have come SO far and I believe I'm nearly there.

One of the things that truly helped me on the road to forgiveness was this quote: "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that you can change the past."

I've realized that I can't change what happened, but I can resolve my feelings about it and move on.....and it has helped me SO much.

Can You Keep a Secret?

It's the middle of the night (I know you wouldn't know this unless I confessed, so I did.) I am all by myself in my living room. The television is off (if only my kids saw it that way....they'd freak out.) I'm sitting on the computer looking up as many songs as I can by a few of my favorite artists.....

Seriously, can you keep a secret??

Promise??

Cross your heart? Hope to die, stick a needle in your eye?

I really mean it.....

I'm head-banging and fist-pumping to Pink, Katy Perry, and a few other rockers. I watched a few videos from Pink and wish she was my best friend....

I think I'm secretly a rocker-chick. Oh, whatever would Steve think if he saw me now?

Built Upon the Rock

Jake's new favorite thing to do is sing "The Wise man and the Foolish Man." Today he insisted he needed an actual rock to sing his song....this is his result. (Forgive my sad video quality....)

He's so proud of himself too.

Collecting Black-Mail for the Future...

Are we EVIL parents, or what? ;)

Ever Have One of Those Sundays??

Do you ever have one of those Sundays where EVERYTHING you hear at church seems directed at you? Every prayer, every talk, every lesson seems applicable to YOUR life? This was my Sunday.

Sacrament Meeting went well. Lately I've tried to make a conscious effort to concentrate on the Savior during the passing of the sacrament, and today, it just totally slipped my mind. When the deacons were returning the water trays, I remember thinking to myself, "Wait! I forgot! Can I have a do-over?"

Once the speakers started, I DID get my do-over. The first speaker talked about being Christ's hands and responding quickly to promptings. He talked about how we say our prayers praying for someone to help us and they come and DO help us, why can't we be the answer to someone else's prayer?

Then our choir sang one of my favorite songs, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing." I sang with the choir, and before going up I warned my boys to be good....Jake followed us up onto the stand and then stood at the front and peeked over the edge. Nice, my son is the ward's entertainment.

The second talk was about forgiveness. I come from a long line of grudge holders, and have perfected this trait myself. In fact, I've been struggling lately, but I haven't really mentioned it here, but I will now, because I need some help and perspective to get past it.

About a month ago, on one of our many Family Home Evenings, I had a blow up with my step-grandma. She is constantly telling me what to do, and treating me like a little kid. She's not very nice about it, and acts like she's my mom and I'm an incapable child. Well, that night, she tried to tell me something (at the same time that my own mother was telling me the SAME thing) and I got frustrated. I've held in my true feelings for years. And unfortunately, I blew up. I yelled and screamed and basically acted like a baby. I told her that I was an adult, and that I did NOT need her to tell me what to do. I can take care of my own family and she didn't need to get in the middle of it.

Now, the message is one that she might need to hear (since she is a butt-insky and is always trying to micromanage everyone around her....) but my presentation was HORRIBLE! I felt terrible. I wanted to apologize to her for yelling, but not for my message. So after consulting with some friends, I decided to email her my apology, but tell her that I will not put up with her treatment of me anymore. I meant what I said, but that I felt bad about yelling and acting like a little kid.

That was the single most SCARIEST moment of my life. I did NOT want to hurt her feelings, but I felt like I needed to stand up for myself and let her know where I stood. A week went by...she had not responded. I felt like things were going to be okay, and she was just going to let this blow over. I was relieved that we were "okay."

Unfortunately that is NOT how it ended. By the end of the week she had sent me a very nasty email saying that I was a horrible mother and wife and that she needed to tell me what to do because I was so incapable of doing it on my own.

I was hurt and angry. (Truth be told, I'm STILL hurt and angry.)

I have not seen NOR spoken to her since then.....it's very odd, and I have guilt that she is keeping herself from the rest of my family because of me.

When I heard the forgiveness talk today I KNEW that it was Heavenly Father's way of telling me that it is time to forgive her and move on. I just don't know how....it's so hard to forgive someone who refuses to forgive me (yes, in the email she told me that she will NEVER forgive me....) and someone who treats me and my family so badly. (I've been thinking over and over at how she treats my sweet Cameron....and it brings Mama Bear out EVERY time.) Someone told me that I need to let go and stop stewing over her, especially when I haven't seen her or talked to her in such a long time. That it is Satan trying to get me into his nets.

I admit that I should, but I am SO good at holding grudges. I mean, I'm amazing at holding grudges.

All through his talk I felt the Spirit tell me, "You need to forgive her. Forgiveness will make you feel so much better and you know it."

I know I do, and so in the middle of that talk, I said a small prayer that I will be able to find a way to forgive her.

Sunday School was great as well. The teacher spoke of parables and how we need to change ourselves to be receptive to truths. (Hello, I must need to do a lot of changing, because forgiveness is one of my weaknesses....)

Relief Society was probably the place where I was touched the most. I will tell you, I love my ward. LOVE them. And I've been trying to sit in different parts of the room to get to know every body and to switch things up. I sat by one of my favorite people and settled in to enjoy the lesson. Our opening song was "As Sisters in Zion." Again, a hymn that I love and that means SO much to me. I didn't have a book, so I felt the power of the words coming through my heart. It was very special.

Then the lesson was about Charity. This is something I wish I had a better grasp of. Charity is something I wish that I had for everyone, but I've been learning that I am very judgmental and I don't love everyone the same way Christ does. I've been trying to change. It's started a while ago with my younger brother, who has made so many wrong choices. One day I commented that something he loves is for "weird people" and he chastened me by saying "no, it's for people who are judged...." I have been quick to judge first and not to love as quickly. I've tried to change this about myself, and can truly feel stronger love for my brother.

During the lesson today I realized, "Charity is the answer to your forgiveness.... You need to learn to love your step-grandma the way that Christ does. Not only do you need to find Charity in your heart for her, but you need to share this love with your husband and children. They are the ones who are most deserving of your love and understanding. Treat them ALL better and you will be happier."

I spent the remainder of the lesson in tears and being chastened by the Spirit. (The teacher didn't make the lesson out to be one where you feel bad, in fact, she did an amazing job! I just took the truths she was teaching and applied them to my situations.) The closing hymn in Relief Society was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's version of "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus." As I think back to that song, I'm tearing up. It was beautiful and so true....we need to" love one another as Jesus loves [us]. Try to show kindness in all that [we] do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, for these are the things Jesus taught." It shouldn't be so hard, it should be simple and easy to follow in his footsteps.

I've tried applying these lessons into dealing with my children, and while I have fallen a few times (yes, I've failed a few times in the last few hours since church...) things are going SO well. My boys aren't going to turn to me immediately, but I believe that if I love them with the "pure love of Christ" then things will be better and I will be happier.

The best part of the day came after the closing prayer. My favorite lady, that I sat by, leaned over and said to me (while the tears were pouring down my cheeks...) "I want you to know, that whenever people mention 'Dawnyel,' I hear nothing but good things. You are so sweet and we all just love having you here." Could there not be a better way to end the day?

So many lessons learned in such a short amount of time. It's been a fantastic Sunday.

Getting Ridiculous...

For quite a while now I've found myself falling asleep in any comfortable spot. I can be on my couch, at my parents' house, sitting quietly at the computer....it doesn't matter. I will fall instantly asleep. My boys are quite used to it, and Jake has learned to entertain himself rather well...despite his new coloring fetish. He will play with toys or find something to eat.

Today we had a "friend" over. (You should know, any child that is Jake's age or interacts with him is his friend...he has a lot of friends.) This friend was a little boy I've never really met before, but seemed sweet enough. He was fairly mellow, and Jake and he got along VERY well.

Part way through the play date, I turned on my sleeping nemesis: SpongeBob. It doesn't matter HOW many times I've seen the episode, SpongeBob WILL put me to sleep. Soon enough, I was snoozing, and the little boy came over to me and asked, "Hey, are you sleeping??" I quickly answered that I was, and he should go and play with the trucks or watch SpongeBob.

I just cannot help myself. I need help...this is getting ridiculous.

Ten Minutes of Chaos

Today was a fairly uneventful day....except for little 10 minute block. It was right after I turned off my computer this morning. As I turned around to talk to Jake, he began choking on a jelly bean. He had it stuck pretty tight....so he came running to me, gasping with tears running down his face the whole time. I grabbed him and did the Heimlich Maneuver a few times until he was breathing (bawling) and okay. He was pretty scared, but only stayed on my lap for 30 seconds before he was off and running again.

A little bit later, I told him NOT to eat anything but I had to go switch over the laundry. Our laundry is in our basement, and there's a locking door between the two floors. Usually I keep the door open and I don't worry too much about it. I hurried down and switched the clothes over and talking to Jake, who was at the top of the stairs by the door. Soon the door slammed. Once I'd gotten my laundry gathered I was at the top of the stairs I couldn't open the door.

He'd locked it.

I wasn't dressed...I was in my pajamas, bare-footed, and my front door was locked anyway....I banged on the door and yelled for Jake to open the door. He couldn't, because he didn't know how to unlock the door. Finally, after a minute of coaching, he opened it.

ALL this happened within the same 10 minute time frame. I don't think I can get away with ANYTHING anymore. He's too smart for his own good.

Crayon, Crayon EVERYWHERE!!

Jake loves to color. That's fine, until he colors OFF the page.

His latest artwork includes:

The back of our desk chair....green on beige, BEAUTIFUL!

The screen of our BRAND new TV.

His white socks (blue this time.)

Our red-neck mirrors in the living room.

The wall at the bottom of the stairs, yellow and red.

The computer screen.

The lid to his toy box in his bedroom.

And finally, his hands.

I promise, I am NOT encouraging this, I do remind him that we only color on paper, but this Van Gogh has different ideas....

The Funny Things Jake Says

His new favorite saying is, "Mom! Cameron's annoying!!" Um, where EVER did you learn THAT word little boy? *whistles innocently*

Funny enough, he says it at appropriate times. He MUST know what it means.

His other funny saying is "Mom, you a BIG boy!" When I tell him yes, mommy's big, but I'm a girl, he gets indignant, "NO, mom, you a BOY!"

Okay, so I'm a boy, and Cam's annoying.

Spiritually Fed

This morning I went with some women from my ward to a regional women's conference in Rexburg. We left fairly early, and waited for an hour before it started.

The guest speaker was Sister Julie B. Beck, the general Relief Society president. This is a HUGE deal. The only other time we really hear from the general Relief Society president is during conference or the general women's broadcast which precedes General Conference.

She started by talking about what a great time she's had and how she was a little nervous. Then she said that she would take questions from the audience and answer them. The Spirit was SO strong. She asked that the questions be able to help others and not be too terribly specific. The first question was great: How do we gain our own personal testimony of the Relief Society?

Her answer was to know who we are, that we're not below the priesthood, but that the Relief Society works hand in hand in Heavenly Father's plan. Women, along with men, are equal halves of a divine pair. Women have our roles, and men have theirs. We can't delegate to the other, we must do our own work.

Then she told us the mission of Relief Society: Increase our faith and righteousness, strengthen our homes and families, and seek others to help.

She said that the most revelation we'll receive will be when we get on our knees and ask.

Questions ranged from wayward children, to wayward friends, how we can strengthen our own spirits and endure, what we can do to prepare to serve a mission, how we can find balance in all aspects of our lives, how often to attend the temple, how to accept others and not use spite, how to better teach, how to guard against pornography, and how to prepare this world for Christ. It was one where we heard stories, searched the scriptures and encouraged one another.

A few of my favorite sayings that she said mostly had to do with parenting and being a good friend and sister.

"Don't ever assume that the person you are talking to doesn't need something too." (In other words, everyone is struggling with something, why not try to help out where we can.)

"Be a light, melt the spite."

"We want our Spiritual children to be kind and obedient. This is not what we were given. Our children are the Lord's toughest and strongest Spirits and they NEED strong teachers and leaders."

"We all have excuses about Visiting Teaching, but we need to get over them. The Lord doesn't care, he wants us to get to work."

Over all, a great GREAT meeting. I love it when my spiritual reservoirs are filled.

Inspiration

My boys have been at one another all day long. Why do we HAVE to celebrate dead presidents anyway??

I've been slowly going a bit crazy. I walked past their hole of a bedroom and about lost it, then I thought, "Let's make this a game...."

I came into the living room and said, "Okay guys, I need you to do something for me...as FAST as you can....go upstairs and throw ALL the toys into the toy box...on your mark, get set.....GO!" Both boys were off. Within a few minutes they came back wanting more....

Work doesn't have to be hard...it can be fun too. :)

Spoiled Much??

Our tax refund this year has been a HUGE blessing. We've spent probably more than we should have, but BOY are we having fun!

We upgraded our computer. The last one had Vista on it, and Vista was sucking up most of the memory. Our dedicated computer man told us to not put any more money into that machine. He told us he'd build us a decent machine that would knock the socks off our current model, so we planned to buy a new computer from him with our refund.

The day the refund came, Steve was SO ready to go and get that new machine. I told him it wasn't MY priority, but he wanted to go anyway. The guys set us up with a new machine that had so many gizmos and do-dads that we were excited to get it. They even installed a card reader (how did I EVER live without one before now?) and an extra Ethernet hook-up. (Do you like my computer jargon? Yeah, I'm so knowledgeable....*guffaw*)

We had a few problems with it, but those fantastic computer dudes fixed us up VERY quickly and without too many complaints. (The last trip in, I asked if they were tired of seeing us...)

Part of the reason we got the new Ethernet extension was so we could finally hook up our Wii to the Internet. Steve got so frustrated trying to make it work. He finally gave up and contacted our Internet provider and got a wireless router. (I had no idea he'd done this until it showed up today....)

We are now playing old-school games on our Wii, watching a free trial of Netflix (no longer old-school with movies) and having a good old time.

The boys are in heaven, but I have to remind them that these things aren't required in life, they're extras....

....now that I've blogged, I'm off to play more Bomberman!!

Love Is In the Air

We had a very nice Valentine's Day this year.

I've tried to continue the tradition that my mom had of giving to my children as well as my sweetheart. She always gave us something small and I loved it. This year we gave our boys a small heart filled with chocolate and bubbles and bouncy balls. When Cam saw it he said, "That's it?" Gee, have I not taught my child to be grateful?? So I told him that he needed to be grateful for anything he gets and that if he didn't like that, then he could have nothing. He stopped complaining after that.

Steve sent me a beautiful bouquet of lilies and carnations that he designed himself. I think they're gorgeous. Then my visiting teacher came by with a heart-shaped pizza from Papa Murphy's. So Jake and I ate pizza for lunch, it was great.

I sent Steve a huge balloon bouquet, and Jake thought they were for him. It was quite cute.

And after we had finished, I got a message that I'd won a cool Valentine's gift basket from a friend. How cool is THAT!?

Over all it was a wonderful day, filled with lots of love and happiness. I need days like that EVERY week.

It's Not Funny.....It's Not Funny....It's Not Funny...It's NOT Funny....

Lately, I've been a VERY lazy mama. I have been completely exhausted in the mornings, and tend to sleep the morning away while Jake has free-reign on the house. Usually he's pretty good about sticking to the living room (where I'm asleep on the couch) or playing in his room. It's been a good set-up.

Today, Steve had the day off, and I went upstairs to sleep with him in the bed. We invited Jake to join us and even turned on his cartoons. This didn't sit well with my 2-year old.

After an hour of sleeping-bliss, Jake came to me and handed me my cinnamon jar, almost empty. I awoke pretty quickly and began wondering what awaited me downstairs.

Standing at the top of the stairs I saw some of the carnage....cinnamon spilled all over the bottom 5 stairs and the stair-wall. I began to laugh and asked Jake what happened.....

Then as I got further down the stairs I heard Jake whining that his eye hurt. He was playing on the couch like he normally does, and noticed that this wasn't just cinnamon....he'd found the pepper shaker and poured it ALL over the house, the couches and chairs were covered, it was IN my DVDs, on the Wii board, EVERYWHERE. And now, apparently, Jake was rubbing it into his eyes.

This is the cinnamon, it's on a tile picture and a black sock.

I wanted to cry...If Steve hadn't been there, I'm sure I would have cried. He laughed and took pictures. (I told him if he took a picture of me I'd REALLY hurt him, good boy that he is, he didn't get any of me....) I didn't want Jake to get any more pepper in his eyes, so I told Steve to take him upstairs and clean him up. Jake thought he was in a bunch of trouble and began reacting the way Cameron would have. He cried and said, "No no no no no no....." Steve said that I should have been nicer to him, but I just wanted him to stop playing in the pepper....I wasn't worried about his feelings right then.

It was a mess. I discovered that he'd started in the kitchen and worked his way upstairs. I guess his bed is filled with pepper and cinnamon as well.

The empty pepper bottle sits in the kitchen sink (I had refilled this bottle last week). The quarter-filled cinnamon jar is on the table.....and the little boy is blissfully unaware that his mom was THIS close to a nervous break-down.

Fun Family Home Evening Ideas

Tonight we had a fantastic Relief Society meeting with ideas for Family Home Evenings. It was so fun and FULL of wonderful ideas. I want to remember, so I'm going to share a few.

• Repentance: Have the family sit in a circle around a big bowl. Make sure they're sitting on a hard, easy to clean floor. Tell them the rules of this game are that they can pick what they want out of the bowl, if they want, but they cannot look up or they're out. Slowly drop pieces of candy into the bowl above the family. Start throwing more and more until it's a frenzy, then drop an uncooked egg. Once everyone is covered with egg, talk about how we can think we're doing something that's innocent, but can turn bad. Then wash the egg off and talk about how we can be clean again after we repent.
• Write family histories...especially good to have OUR parents write theirs. Include pictures.
• Use the Gospel Art Picture Book or Kit and tell stories from the pictures. Kids can do this really well.
• Make Family Home Evening fun and not a time for lectures. One of my favorite stories of the night, the mom was frustrated with the family leaving food, garbage, clothes all over the house, so she hid chocolate balls in one daughter's sock drawer, popcorn in another daughter's closet. That night she exaggerated making a mess finding the candy and popcorn....throwing the socks in a comical manner, then in the 3rd daughter's room, she said how warm she was and took her sweatshirt, socks and boots off, throwing them all over the room. After the rooms were sufficiently messed up. The mom asked, "When you're at school, do you drop stuff on the floor and expect your teacher to pick it up?" "Do you leave your garbage all over the lunchroom table?" "Why do you treat our house this way?" It was a good respect lesson, and not a lecture.
• Memorize the Proclamation to the World.
• Write your own Family Proclamation with goals you have as a family.
• Involve children in sharing and teaching the lesson. (This is where I struggle, personally...) It doesn't matter what they teach, as long as they feel excitement for the lesson and a sense of responsibility.

There was SO much more, but this was the few things that I truly appreciated.

Spending Quality Time With Family

Cameron has always loved playing board games, card games or any game with us. He BEGS constantly for a game to be played. On Saturday I played Sorry with him and Jake. (Okay, so Jake just messed up the board and picked up random cards...but HE thought he was playing.) They had such a blast. I was slightly annoyed....

Yesterday after we had a wonderful Stake Conference (seriously, it was SO good. I even got to sit by the cool kids of the stake!) Cameron asked if we could take a game with us to Grandma's house. Every Sunday we go to my mom and dad's house for Sunday dinner and some visiting time. For the last few weeks, Cameron has dug out my mom's Uno game and played it until it was time to go home. It's been fun, and I figured he could, as long as he was good.

The kid was a SAINT!

After dinner was cleaned up and the table cleaned, we set up the game and played. Jake gave up after a while and Steve took over for him. Cameron won the first game VERY quickly, and the rest of us played until we were done. Then Cam BEGGED to play again. We set it up, and one of my brothers took Steve's place. Soon, my brother had something to do, so my OTHER brother took over for him. Who knew that someone could get SO vindictive playing Sorry. Pretty soon we'd say, "Ooh, Sorry.....bwahahahahaha..." My mom would say, "That didn't sound so 'Sorry' to me." We would laugh.

In the end, I decided that games CAN be fun with your kids.

Gratitude

I've had a rough last few weeks. First off, Cam was sick, then I got the crud. (I've still got some stuff, but it's manageable now.) Then I found out one of my hang nails turned to infection. SO not cool. I also found out that despite a lovely chart, I am not pregnant (yes, we're trying for another, although some days I wonder why....) Anyway, it was a rough little patch.

BUT I have to say, I am truly grateful for my life, and I wouldn't change a thing.

I have a fantastic relationship with my hubby. He and I have grown SO much. We love to support one another in our various out-of-the-home activities. Steve plays basketball with the guys at church weekly (and he loves it!) and I get to play with my friends once in a while. It's wonderful. I don't know of many SUPER supportive husbands like mine. I'm grateful for him.

I'm grateful for the two children I do have. I know that most days they can be stressful and will fight me or each other, but there are many times when we all just laugh and enjoy each other's company. My boys are such joys. I'm grateful for their fun personalities.

I'm grateful to have a warm home. It's been pretty cold here lately, and I'm so glad that my house is warm and comfortable. It may not always be clean, but it's where we can be ourselves. I'm grateful for my home.

I'm grateful for fun mail. My Uncle Scott and Aunt Jana send out THE funniest Christmas/New Year's letter EVER. I was laughing SO hard over this year's installment. My cousins are hilarious, and my aunt and uncle are great. I'm SO grateful for happy mail.

Tonight, I'm glad I have fingernails. I was at a friend's baby shower and I was helping cut fruit for a chocolate fountain. My fingers accidentally slipped and I cut my fingernail. Yes, JUST the fingernail. I know that if my nail hadn't been there, I wouldn't have a tip to my finger right now. SO grateful for painful, ouchie finger nails.

I need to look on the bright side a little more often, thanks for letting me share just a little bit of my gratitude right now.

Stinky

I've been sick all week, and it's NOT fun. Today my sore throat, which hasn't been good anyway, got worse. I woke up to it feeling sticky and then less than an hour later it felt like the muscle in the roof of my mouth went floppy. I really don't like this, but I'm dealing with it, because the alternative isn't for me.

Thankfully the boys haven't had ANY of what I have. I wonder if this is a flu, and I got it because I didn't get the vaccination, but all my guys did.

Either way, I'm out of commission for a little while longer (boo) and trying to survive. My coping method when I'm sick is to sleep it away. Jake just won't let me snore...it interferes with his TV shows. *eye roll*

And you may be happy to know that Jake informed me that he's feeling better. Better than good? Wow, at least someone's doing well!

Doing Things WITH My Boys

A few weeks ago, when I had that fantastic Relief Society lesson about strengthening our families, someone mentioned doing things with your children. They said that it will take more time if you involve the little ones, but you won't regret the memories made or the times you have. Tonight, I did just that.

My latest love is Papa Murphy's cookie dough. I took Jacob with me to pick up pizza earlier this week, and he "helped" me out by grabbing TWO containers of cookie dough. I didn't see a huge problem with it, so I got it, for a special treat later this week. Tonight, the boys and I cracked out the dough and worked together.

I gave the boys the dough, and they "rolled" it into balls. Jake was SO pleased with himself. Cameron was a great help, because he really DID know what he was doing and showed Jake what to do. Every few minutes Jake would call out to dad (who was just in the living room), "DAD! We's makin' COOKIE dough!!" It was way cute.

Finally, they helped me put them in the oven and were thrilled when it was done.

The best part? The boys are proud of something they did with their mom, and it was something easy.

Baby steps, but I'm going to keep trying. :)

Cameron's Art Work

The other day at occupational therapy, Cameron brought me a picture he had made. I have to admit, when he first handed it to me, it was upside-down and I thought maybe it was a turkey.

I had to ask, "Cameron, what did you make?"

Proudly he said, "Mom, it's Rudolph!"

Oh, I can see it now. :)

Wow....That Was Fast

Today in church I was sitting during the sacrament and thinking about Jesus. I was thinking about the mistakes I've made lately....most of them are with my children. I'm too quick to yell at them, get easily frustrated with the little things they do (or don't do) and I feel like I've lost the love that I have for them. In my heart I prayed that Heavenly Father would forgive me for treating these sweet children so poorly. I asked that he would show me a way to love them, the way that He loves them. I felt peace in my heart, and for the first time in a while, I was happy to sit with a wiggly 2-year old and a 10-year old who's always asking question after question.

Today was Testimony meeting, and many members got up and bore sweet testimony of Jesus and his love for us. I was touched by the Spirit, and again, I felt that sweet peace.

It was during our last meeting of the day that I truly felt Heavenly Father's love for me. The lesson was on strengthening our families. I felt like I had been hit between the eyes.

There were many great stories shared, examples of bringing up children the correct way. Then one of the topics addressed was respect. It was then that I realized that if I want my children to show ME respect, I must first respect them. I need to take their problems seriously (because to them, the broken toy is a HUGE issue and it's important to them) and show them my love through respect.

It was a HUGE eye-opener for me. I felt the answers to my prayers (that I had only prayed an hour and a half before) quickly and fully answered. I know there is a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel that I can make it. I can do it and I am ready.

I feel so blessed to have Heavenly Father answer my prayers SO quickly!

Where Has the Time Gone?

It really feels like it was JUST the beginning of 2010, and here we are staring down 2011. Time seems to fly the older I get.

Christmas was wonderful for us. The boys were spoiled rotten. And after we'd opened up the gifts Christmas morning, and they were playing with their goodies, Jake came over and said, "More?" Steve and I said, "No, you've opened it all...." Then Steve realized we'd forgotten a few gifts...some BIG ones. (Not the ones in these pictures....these pictures are of their Santa presents.)

We were able to see both Steve's parents and mine. We enjoyed our family time, and talked a lot.

With My family we played Just Dance....we ALL had a blast!

It just seems like it went by SO fast.

This new year, I have new hopes. I'm frustrated with my boys (but that could be Christmas break talking here...) and I hope to master The Total Transformation and exercise at least once a week.

Happy New Year to all!

Just Dance

You remember my post about that party we went to? The one where we played Just Dance? Well, now we OWN both games. *giggle* We're so excited about it, and so are the boys. Yesterday, as soon as they could, they played it with their dad. Let's just say it was SUPER cute to see Jake try (and totally NOT use the controller) and feel a slight bounce to the apartment.

Oh, what fun!

Merry Christmas all!

Partying Continues....

This time it was an adult only party. Steve and I had a blast. We did a white elephant gift exchange, and Steve's first gift (since you could steal from others, and we didn't end up with the first gifts) was a digital keychain with pictures on it from this website. It was disgustingly hilarious.

Then after we had talked, exchanged gifts and ate we played Just Dance 2. I LOVED this game. I was laughing SO hard when Steve was dancing to "Hey Ya." He can really wiggle that booty!

I wished we could have stayed longer, but we didn't want to drive Grandma and Grandpa too crazy watching the two little boys.

It was so much fun! (By the way, I did NOT take these pictures, since I'm in them...They are from my friend, Mattsmom. She did a GREAT job with the pictures!)

Let the Partying Begin...

'Tis the season, right?

Saturday we had our Ward Christmas party/live nativity. It was a breakfast (different from our usual dinners in the past, but I know I enjoyed it!) and then they had horse-rides that took us around the park to the live nativity.

The people involved in the nativity bore simple testimony of Jesus' birth and how we need to come to Him. It was quite powerful. I loved it! (Poor cold people, at least they had fires and hot cocoa...)

It was fantastic!! And my boys were happy to be with their shepherd-daddy.

The Elf Family

Thanks to a friend, I'm sharing this. (The boys and I played with it over and over last week, giggling away....) Enjoy!

Oh, Christmas Tree....

A few years ago we bought a full, pre-lit tree. The only thing we don't *love* about it is that the lights are all white, but it's still pretty, and we like it.

When I was out doing errands with my mom last week, Steve and Cameron hauled up the tree and the decorations. (I was SO glad I wasn't here for that...*giggle*) Then when we were decorating, I got tired and decided to leave off my usual gold garland. It's a pain to wind around the tree, and it doesn't even match anymore. Instead we decided to cover it as much as we could with extra candy canes.

The boys put the ornaments on it the next day....Jake's all clumped at the bottom, Cam's all clumped at the top. Steve and I HAD to get into the decorating with them, just so the middle would be covered too.

Seeing my tree is bringing back all kinds of memories for me. My dad's mom would have a beautiful, full Christmas tree, COVERED in different flavored candy canes. We would go to visit her and she'd offer us a candy cane. It was one of the highlights of Christmas pasts for me. I miss my grandma, very much. She was such a fun, amazing woman. It's been 11 years since she died, this will be our 12th Christmas without her. I'm sad that my boys never got to meet her and share in her candy cane tree, or any of the other things she was amazing at.

My little tree is a small way of bringing back her memory into my home. Love you, Grandma Mabel!

He Sees You When You're Sleeping....He Knows When You're Awake....

Yesterday, Santa sent each of my boys an email about their status on his list.

He told both boys that they've been good, but they can improve. He encouraged Cameron to be nice to his brother, and then he encouraged Jake to listen to his parents.

Santa is such a great guy (and motivator for positive behavior)....but I think some boys in my house have forgotten their message from Santa. Maybe I should email him and let him know what's going on.

Mornings are just hard on us. No one really WANTS to wake up (except, maybe Jacob...but only if it's on HIS terms) and then the grumpies come out.

This morning, for example, Jake woke up happily and took a bath. Baths are his FAVORITE thing in the world. Usually he flops onto his belly and says, "Mom, I fwimming! I FWIMMING!" I've yet to convince him that you can't really swim in a bathtub. Anyway, after Jake's bath, it's Cameron's turn. I called to Cameron, nicely (I promise) and told him that it was his turn. He called back, "I don't WANNA wake up, I don't WANNA go to school!"

I told him that wasn't an option, unless he was sick.

Then he stomped into the bathroom....completely grumpy and upset. He took his bath, forgetting to wash certain areas, but that's nothing new. Then once I was convinced he was done, I found him some clothes in my laundry-pile of a bedroom, and he got out of the tub.

He did not like the pants I found for him.

He did not like the shirt.

He didn't want to get dressed. He had melted down. He was done.

I was done as well. Time to truly implement the Total Transformation program. First step: (for me) calm down. Don't take his tantrum personally...treat this like it's business, because it is.

Second step: (for me.....again) what can I take from his menu, that he really LOVES to do, that I can take away from him, to get him to behave better? How long will his punishment last? What does he have to do to get it back?

"Cameron, you cannot watch TV for 10 minutes until you can talk nicely." (Yeah, that will work, VERY nicely!)

Cameron, screaming at me from his bedroom, tells me that he doesn't like that. That ten minutes is too hard, and too long.

Third step: (yet again, for me) don't take it personally....don't take it personally.....don't take it personally......

Step 3.5: make him WANT to behave well. Maybe 10 minutes is too long? No, not really, and I REALLY need him to be nice to me and Jake. We need to make him REALLY want to be good. Push up the time limit to 30 minutes.

"Cameron, since you don't like 10 minutes, now you owe me 30 minutes. Once you've been nice and kind for 30 minutes, you can watch tv. But now that you have 30 minutes, you will completely miss your favorite morning show."

More wailing comes from the bedroom.

Step four: State the consequences, the required behavior and walk away.

"Cameron, you know that you need to behave for 30 minutes. Once you do that, you can watch tv." Grab the laundry that needs washed, and go downstairs.

You know, it worked!! One peaceful half-hour later, the tv is on, the boys are happily coloring and getting along.

I am beginning to wonder if I have more pull than Santa Claus.....